Thank you for sharing!
I just can’t have one reading…
Even if good news and with someone of a “high” reputation I feel like “I’m the exception”
And with readers who are negative… I feel I have to prove them wrong… and I have too, numerous times
That’s the first reminder, but first to go too: I just can’t have one reading. Then comes hooking myself to another date, another possible maybe date. That day is usually on high alert and leads to more calling, even though I try to wait it out, I try not to interfere, but it seems to pass and I am disappointed again.
But for now what’s keeping from calling is that I have to do annoying gig work, and dealing with just awful ppl, while I smile… all because I just want to catch up on 3 late credit card bills and raise that credit score back up, because my future jobs depend on it!
I even had extra cash just now and instead I paid part of a credit card bill early… ugh I was shaking to even pay it, shaking to even get ahead, shaking to do right by me… even if it doesn’t feel good instantly emotionally. Finding some integrity back into me.
But I also believe even if it doesn’t seem I’m being seen, or feel ignored, my actions are futile, I also absolutely know that is not true. I know my family sees me struggle with this heartache and the why I call, and I am lucky to have that support. I think of times when I don’t think anyone sees do these secret righteous acts and to my surprise someone does. And that’s kind of my affirmations “even if it doesn’t feel like it I am seen! I am just as worthy! I am just as precious! I choose do right by me.”
I really truly hope this is my turning point