Anyone up for one week pause?

[russianred]

One thing you may want to try is to find another means that can help you grow or provide new insight on your life challenges.  If you think about it, you have been calling psychics to fill you with peace of mind or knowledge about the future or a person. Trying to abstain from readings when you have had so much instruction and words from psychics is pretty much a cold turkey effect.  At some point, anyone would want to fill that void.  So, ask yourself, what is that void?  Is it satisfaction from someone else, POI?   I hope that doesn't sound preachy....I have been in your shoes and have found it really takes a project, hobby, or some type of quest to keep my readings at bay.   For me, the only reason I have called is out of anxiety and not necessarily to predict the future. If I can get a handle on the anxiety, then I can turn my direction and focus to accomplishing something else.  I hope that helps.

When you say you call out of anxiety but not to predict the future, what do you mean by that?  I'm so curious about all of our psychological experiences and how they relate to us getting readings.

I call out of anxiety, too... I call for reassurance that everything will be fine in the future with POI because I don't trust that it will be (and that I will be OK if it isn't), which stems from anxiety.  Anxiety makes me want to be "on guard" so that I'm prepared for what is going to happen.

[midwest60]

"When you say you call out of anxiety but not to predict the future, what do you mean by that?  I'm so curious about all of our psychological experiences and how they relate to us getting readings.

I call out of anxiety, too... I call for reassurance that everything will be fine in the future with POI because I don't trust that it will be (and that I will be OK if it isn't), which stems from anxiety.  Anxiety makes me want to be "on guard" so that I'm prepared for what is going to happen."


When I wrote that I call out of anxiety and not for the future I am referencing the need to have immediate reassurance over something when I know how everything will end. I have been in a waiting game at my work as the structure of the company is changing. I already know my job is safe but I have been anxiously waiting for 8 months to see if I will have more responsibility, etc. I can figure out that things will change, but I get anxious and impatient waiting for it all to unfold.  Of course, after prayer and not calling psychics, everything unfolds just when I least expect it!

[Lovefash67]

When you say you call out of anxiety but not to predict the future, what do you mean by that?  I'm so curious about all of our psychological experiences and how they relate to us getting readings.

I call out of anxiety, too... I call for reassurance that everything will be fine in the future with POI because I don't trust that it will be (and that I will be OK if it isn't), which stems from anxiety.  Anxiety makes me want to be "on guard" so that I'm prepared for what is going to happen.
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When I wrote that I call out of anxiety and not for the future I am referencing the need to have immediate reassurance over something when I know how everything will end. I have been in a waiting game at my work as the structure of the company is changing. I already know my job is safe but I have been anxiously waiting for 8 months to see if I will have more responsibility, etc. I can figure out that things will change, but I get anxious and impatient waiting for it all to unfold.  Of course, after prayer and not calling psychics, everything unfolds just when I least expect it!
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Midwest I can totally relate to how you feel. I too call because I am anxious though I have gotten better. I now get one or two readings every month or every other month but there are moments through the day that I get anxious and need reassurance that everything will be okay. My anxiety sometime is off the chain that I cant really think of a possible outcome I just automatically think negative because I am so anxious and I am expecting the worse. Yona has even picked this up about me several times and expressed that I am on track but part of me still feels anxious especially when I have to wait for things. I am still waiting on my promotion at work, I have taken my civil service test in September which means the scores is going to come out soon but the longer I wait the more anxious and impatient I get. I am also anxious about POI I keep thinking if he wants me he would have made a move even though he has expressed that he trying to find himself and balance in his life which was verified by Yona and Lady P but I keep thinking about other peoples situations and search the internet and I just get anxious that it will turnout bad and there's nothing bad really happening with POI and I . We talk every day and occasionally we have difference in opinions but he has been consistent with communication. I just still get anxious worrying about how long this is going to take, if he's going to go back to his (gf hes on a break with), if he is going to pick me, etc.

[midwest60]

Lovefash67, I am glad you are focusing on your career and have other outlets to focus on to take your mind off anxiety.  For me, i attend a great church and am always on the go with my job. I barely have enough time anymore to remain anxious.  Or, i go for a run or long walk. 

I think I must be one of the older folks on this site as my time has come and gone in terms of waiting on or caring about POI's.  I figure I wasted most of my adult life waiting on men to make up their mind what they wanted. And then, if that indecisive person did pick me....I was no longer interested because I felt he would change his mind again.  I did find a great guy who didn't have to think about what it was that he wanted and knew who he was...but that was later in life.  I hope you get the clarity you need in all aspects of your life soon.

[midwest60]

Is this the longest you have gone without a reading?  If so, congrats!!!

Also, not all is lost that you got a reading. Now, the challenge is not to go on a binge.

Proud of what you have accomplished thus far!

[LucyDiamond]

How is everybody doing? I have had a *drumroll* month pause from readings! I am thrilled but some things have been happening at work and with POI and I am getting that urge again. I am pleased to say a month off is a really big deal for me though.

[russianred]

Ugh ugh ugh

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh

Yeah I called and felt so depressed. Still am, worried that I’ll alway be this way. What I heard too wasn’t even in my favor nor satisfying...

So again. Tomorrow? Do I try? I heard this saying for every hundred times we fall you get up another thousand more times... and I know that part is true, but for now I kinda want to stay down before I think of even getting up again

Congrats on making it that long.  Is your goal to be totally reading free?  What were the circumstances of your call?

For me, I don't want to completely stop readings.  I just don't want to binge anymore or call new readers (which is usually part of a binge for me).  There are a couple of readers who I feel add value to my life, and I'm not ready to completely stop reading with them.

I've drastically reduced the calls and feel OK with it right now.  I mostly just don't like feeling out of control and like I HAVE to call.

[Solitude_Soul]

I agree with russianred.. Its ok to get a reading once in a while but binging is really a problem. Binging is more of losing control of ourselves and the situation and we end up trying different readers and blowing up money. More readings adds more confusion and does mess up with our head.

Ugh ugh ugh

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh

Yeah I called and felt so depressed. Still am, worried that I’ll alway be this way. What I heard too wasn’t even in my favor nor satisfying...

So again. Tomorrow? Do I try? I heard this saying for every hundred times we fall you get up another thousand more times... and I know that part is true, but for now I kinda want to stay down before I think of even getting up again

Congrats on making it that long.  Is your goal to be totally reading free?  What were the circumstances of your call?

For me, I don't want to completely stop readings.  I just don't want to binge anymore or call new readers (which is usually part of a binge for me).  There are a couple of readers who I feel add value to my life, and I'm not ready to completely stop reading with them.

I've drastically reduced the calls and feel OK with it right now.  I mostly just don't like feeling out of control and like I HAVE to call.

[LucyDiamond]

For me, I was using readings to manage my anxiety. I was spending so much money every month and that was adding to my anxiety. I have decided that I will plan my readings in advance (once a month) like I would plan a trip to the salon or something. That way, I know that they are there to look forward to. I have my favorite psychic and will be sticking to them only. That can be tricky because I will read about someone here and want to try them. However, I have my go-to and it makes sense to keep it consistent as I am happy with her.

[russianred]

For me, I was using readings to manage my anxiety. I was spending so much money every month and that was adding to my anxiety. I have decided that I will plan my readings in advance (once a month) like I would plan a trip to the salon or something. That way, I know that they are there to look forward to. I have my favorite psychic and will be sticking to them only. That can be tricky because I will read about someone here and want to try them. However, I have my go-to and it makes sense to keep it consistent as I am happy with her.

You have a great point about how the money spent just adds to anxiety.  I am at the point where I feel such anxiety over every little decision I make in my relationship unless I consult with a reader.  I can't function like this and need to believe in myself and my ability to make decisions more!

Today I only left two readers in my favorites (one who I feel genuinely helps me to put things in proper perspective without sugarcoating, one who I feel is genuinely gifted) and am not looking through the listings.

[russianred]

Congrats on closing your account.  I tried that once before but went back.  I now don't want to close my account entirely but just read very occasionally.

I'd love to get a reading tonight.  The unknown is driving me crazy.  I have to keep telling myself that a reading with someone new is not going to give me any peace, and I don't have the money.  I've narrowed down my go-to readers, and it hasn't been long enough since I spoke with them.

[russianred]

I am writing this as much for myself as I am for you, Pink.

First, I'm sorry that you were blocked by a trusted reader. I feel that's such a slap in the face.  At the very least, I feel like the reader could send an explanation of why she's making that choice.  Some of us have spent hundreds on a reader; I do think they owe us some basic kindness and courtesy as a result.

We simply have to find a way to put these POIs out of our heads.  We have to.  I have let a complicated relationship consume my life for six months.  A significant proportion of my waking thoughts are devoted to him and what will happen with him.  I can completely relate to what you wrote about feeling flaky.  I find that tasks have been taking me twice as long to complete and I can't concentrate on anything because my brain is consumed with POI.  Sometimes I don't have the energy to focus on cleaning or anything except HIM and readings about HIM.  This has gone on for half a year now.  I'm tired of it.  I feel like I have lost myself in this situation.  Along with thousands of dollars.  All for a guy who is most definitely not spending the same amount of energy (or money) on me.

Today was the first day I felt some fog being lifted from my brain.

So, Pink, I'm sorry that you are binging and hurting.  I don't know what to say other than you deserve a relationship with someone who does not make you binge. Who makes you feel safe and secure.  Everyone here does.

[russianred]

They go on doing what they want to do while we keep trying to figure it out or fix it or find closure.

Still Tired, thank you so much for your post.  I loved all of it and am going to save it to read in the future.  This line in particular really hit me.  In the last few days, I have been just sick thinking of how selfish POI has been.  For months, his actions have evinced only an interest in making himself comfortable.  My needs have always taken a backseat, and the idea of him calling psychics to see how I'M doing is absolutely laughable.

The hardest part of my situation is that HE set some expectations in our relationship through his words that have not been followed through on.  The main reason why I would call was trying to get insight on was, "How can someone who says these things not follow through on them?  Did he really mean what he said?" But the reality is that it doesn't matter how he feels or didn't feel or why he said those things. I don't understand POI, but one thing I DO know is that he is NOT obsessing about how his actions and words have made ME feel.

I absolutely refuse to continue to call about him.  I'm done.

It's been said many times before on this board but any relationship where one is constantly calling psychics to feel secure rather than feeling that security from the other person probably has some serious issues.

This relationship has been a huge learning experience for me.  I'm not opposed to all readings, but if and when I start binging about another POI, that's a sign the POI is not right for me.

[beachgal214]

loved both of those posts. so much truth. the line that stood out to me was past a certain point we are doing it to ourselves.

[russianred]

The problem was I wasn't paying attention to how I felt at all, because I was focused on him. And I didn't notice how he was focused on himself too. He was certainly aware of how I felt and how his actions affected me, and he was empathetic towards me, but at the same time he continued doing things that were centered on himself instead of the relationship. He was just really good at smoothing things over so I would go along with it.

Exactly the same here. I have been so focused on him and he has been so focused on himself for months and months.  I feel sick over essentially enabling it to some extent.  I've been focused on him to the point that I've been calling psychics for insight so I can better understand him.  For whatever reason (character flaw, weak, indecisive, continued third-party involvement, selfishness... it doesn't matter), he is unable to give me what I need.  For a long time I subconsciously saw that as a reflection on me.  "If I am just more understanding, then he will..." etc. But it's not.  He is the one with the problem, and I no longer want to try to understand it or get "insight" (either on my own or with psychics) into it because it is just sapping my energy.

Maybe he will be in a better place in the future where he is less self-focused and our timelines will match up.  Maybe not.

I told him a month ago that we needed to take a break, but for the last month, I've been still mentally entangled in the situation.  For the last few days, I am finally feeling detached and free.  I don't owe this man anything, including understanding and patience, when he has given so little to me.

This conversation is very healing for me, thank you, ST.