Hello,
I am brand spanking new to this site. It is hard to admit, but I have been calling various psychic lines for about a decade. And I did it all for this one person who was supposed to be the love of my life!. He and I had an in and out relationship over the past 11 years. These psychics always told me he would come back eventually, and they were right. But they often were off on the timing or the details. Yet I continued to call them. And I burned through savings to do this. I spoke with so many of the top psychics at CP including Gina Rose, Dave, Liam, Abrielle, Uli, Natasha, Taylor, Jacqueline, Devyn, Luciana, Nina,...and the list goes on...
A couple of years ago, he and I finally got engaged. I never thought we would get there considering the history of our relationship. Though it was unhealthy, love conquers all they say. A few months after we got engaged, we moved in together to a home we jointly purchased. After a year, he moved out. He and I had complete silence for 4 months. All the above psychics, and then some, told me he missed me and would want to come back home. They were all wrong. He and I just connected after the new year, and he told me he wanted a decision on what we would do with the house. There was no talk of reconciliation or even his feelings for me. He just wanted closure and that meant severing the ties with the house.
So of course, I am calling them all again and saying WTF...it was a complete 180 from what actually happened...and of course spending MORE money in the process...they of course will defend what they say and indicate that perhaps timing is off...and that he vacillates so much...and guess what, they all say he will still be back...AFTER ALL THAT!
So I found this site, and I am looking for support to help me through this. I looked to CP essentially as very, very, very high priced therapy. I am also seeking therapy to help with the break-up, but as some of you may know, it is different talking with a psychic anytime you want vs talking to a therapist who always asks you what you think and doesn't give predictions.
I am hoping that I will get that support here, and that when I am tempted to reach out to CP, I can just ping someone here to get me through it. This break-up has made me miserable because I gave so much of my heart, soul, mind, body, time, energy, etc to this man and feel I won't be able to forgive myself for a long time. And though it is all on me for choosing to call them, CP didn't help much either because now I am in major debt and have to deal with this house issue with the ex.
Thanks for any advice or support!
Supposed to be and a fact are two very different things. It's supposed to rain. Did it? No. You recognize that your relationship is unhealthy. Don't live in the hope that things will magically change. It won't. He's not vacillating. He's made a decision and acted on it. Don't rely on anyone whose livelihood depends on 5 stars to tell you differently. Timing? You need some radical acceptance of what is happening in front of your face right now. If he decides at a later date that he made a mistake and wants to try and get you back, great. You can make that decision WHEN and IF it actually happens.
You have seen over and over again that predictions have not turned into reality. But you want more? You can call a service like TalkSpace and be speaking with an actual licensed therapist within hours.
You, right now, are not getting what you wanted to or thought you were entitled to from your relationship with this man. It's up to both of you to identify and fix the problems between you two ... or not. So someone tells you he'll be back. And??? Have either you or he (this is assuming he even wants to) made any changes or both committed to doing what needs to be done in order to make it work. No. So how do you think that will go? Someone can miss you and not want to fix or come back to a situation that isn't working.
For whatever reason, you want things the way you thought they were going to be. You can still get what you wanted, but not with him at this time. So you call up someone who will tell you what you want to hear and give you false hope. Only you're the one who has control over where things are going.
Of course the therapist is asking you what you think because you get to find out why you do what you do and then decide what you are going to do about it. If you know exactly why you are doing something destructive, you can learn how to change, stop or whatever is called for. Calling someone to tell you a fairy tale about how things will be is avoidance behavior. An escape from reality.
Have you told your therapist what you are doing?
Sometimes we give everything to the wrong person. It's done. Do you know what the lost cost fallacy is? It's when your decision is influenced by your (in this case) emotional investment (plus the financial investment of calling psychic lines), and the more you invested in it, the harder it is to let go. You look at what you are losing as more important than what you are gaining by letting go. The problem with this is that you will almost never come out ahead. That's probably why you stuck around, especially since you thought "never thought we would get there considering the history of our relationship". You got there, so now the stakes in your mind are even higher rather than seeing that maybe you should have waled away from this hot mess 3 days or 3 months in, or whenever it became clear that this wasn't good for you to be in.
I know I left someone after many, many years and it was hard. When I looked back at that point, all the times I should have thrown in the towel were very clear. But I didn't at the time because I "loved" him. We were forever. We were going to grow old together and walk on the beach holding hands in our 90's and talk about all the good things in our life. It was weird because the defining moment, the exact minute I knew I was going and never looking back was when my alarm went off in the middle of a dream that I was having about him where he was treating me like he always did. I saw our relationship from the outside looking in during my dream, and I had a WTF is wrong with you moment when I woke up and clearly remembered how I felt and what I observed during my dream. It was still hard to let go, but if I hung on, I knew I would never get what I really wanted or even deserved. I'd be stuck in "maybe next year" forever. I ended it that day. Yes, he still called, made promises, tried to negotiate, everything. I was not having it. 12 years of hearing that crap and surface changes being made for just long enough to allow myself to be fooled, like hell I'm getting back together. Enough already. You're overdue for your own "enough already" moment.
It's also not about forgiving yourself, and for what exactly? It's done, you can't take it back but you can decide to make better choices in the future based on this experience. You don't need absolution for anything.
