Reflective vent

[Aaron0326]

My relationships with psychics started in 2013.  A toxic two year relationship had just ended but instead of grasping the clear and positive reality of it being over, I clung to it.  Made the unfortunate mistake of stumbling on keen at that time and it was off to the races.  For the next three months I constantly called psychics.  It didn’t take long to realize most were BS but I got enough hits and hope to begin leaning on the phone calls. The girl came back but the relationship ended soon after.  Thank god my psychic career was over..  not.
Fast forward two years.  I meet this awesome girl and boy did we hit it off.  Until she started giving me the cold shoulder.  The writing was on the wall but I asked psychics anyway.  Another torturous and expensive marathon of phone calls only to find out this girl was not sticking around.  By this time I realized some of the “accurate” readings I had in my first go round were probably luck because most readers say the SO is coming back.
Fast forward another two years and I’m head over heels for my new girlfriend.  The stars were in Line.  This was seriously something special.  Vastly different life views got in the way and then she started giving me the shoulder.   Back to psychics.  This one particularly sucked because a lot of readers knew so many unique things about us.  Surely, those readers had to have a good grip on the outcome? Very few said we wouldn’t get back together.  I tried to ignore the few who did, the correct ones.  That was a tough time..
Almost on the heels of that relationship ending comes another relationship.  This one is different because I’m not 100 percent about it at first but I get the feeling maybe she isn’t either.  Things were rocky at times but Suddenly I have a change of heart and I realize this girl is really special.  Never experienced this before.  I dedicate myself to changing the momentum of the relationship - I knew she needed to see that from me -  and it seemed to be working great.  Until it didn’t. She broke things off because too little too late? honestly I don’t know if it’s because of my actions/sins of omission or because she just didn’t want to be there.  Geeze I am torn up about this one. For the past two weeks I’m back on a bender.  What’s killing me about this one is that there are two scenarios that both seem just as likely - one being that even if I did everything perfect the end result would have been the same(I really wasn’t a bad boyfriend, just not perfect). The other scenario is that I did too much damage /not enough for too long and she felt she had to walk.  My readers have been segregating into these two camps and it’s killing me.  Some really good readers are telling me it wasn’t really me, it was her.  That my ex always runs after 6 months.  That she doesn’t want a bf.  That she was talking to her ex for the last month.  The other camp says she misses me and didn’t want to break up but she felt I had given her no choice.  The latter of course is the camp that is saying we will reconcile.  What am I benefitting from this? Anxiety, confusion, lack of direction.  I’m ping ponging between feeling very hopeful and in despair over it.  The confusion leads to more readings.

How did I find myself here? Why do I do continue to do this to myself?  I shouldn’t have to do this at this point in my life.. hell I should be better at maintaining a relationship by now..  I should be stronger.  I shoulder be more patient and have more self control.  But here I am complaining that literal phone psychics suck at predicting a picturesque future for me after I have thrown my circumstances through the ringer.  How silly.  I guess I just needed to get this out.  Thanks.. or maybe sorry haha.

[russianred]

I'm sorry.  The one line I read on these boards that helps me curb readings is... if you know that doing another reading is likely going to lead to just doing one more reading (either to confirm or deny what the first reader said), then why are you even calling for the reading int he first place?  The couple of "binges" I went on followed that pattern.

You mentioned anxiety in your post, and I'd bet that many of us who have been on "binges" struggle with it outside of what's considered a normal amount of it in our lives.  Unfortunately, more calls just seem to lead to even more anxiety (plus then you have to worry about the money spent on top of it all).

I am trying to get to a point where readings can be an occasional "fun" thing and/or something I use to get the perspective of a third party rather than something I use to unsuccessfully soothe my anxiety over what will happen with my partner.  This idea that there is someone out there who can with definite certainty predict the future... I just don't totally buy it, which then causes me to seek out a slew of readings from others (whom I also don't fully trust).

[Aaron0326]

I'm sorry.  The one line I read on these boards that helps me curb readings is... if you know that doing another reading is likely going to lead to just doing one more reading (either to confirm or deny what the first reader said), then why are you even calling for the reading int he first place?  The couple of "binges" I went on followed that pattern.

You mentioned anxiety in your post, and I'd bet that many of us who have been on "binges" struggle with it outside of what's considered a normal amount of it in our lives.  Unfortunately, more calls just seem to lead to even more anxiety (plus then you have to worry about the money spent on top of it all).

I am trying to get to a point where readings can be an occasional "fun" thing and/or something I use to get the perspective of a third party rather than something I use to unsuccessfully soothe my anxiety over what will happen with my partner.  This idea that there is someone out there who can with definite certainty predict the future... I just don't totally buy it, which then causes me to seek out a slew of readings from others (whom I also don't fully trust).

That’s the funny part about it.  I/we all know the next call isn’t going to just quench and sustain the desire to call. 
As for the why, I think it’s a quick fix for actually dealing with/accepting the pain of being broken up with.  I know that if a call gives me confidence that she’s coming back, my stress over it will subside at least for a bit. It’s really just addict behavior.

[Aaron0326]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have been there asking myself the same questions, why did I do this to myself and why am I not better at things. I should be this or that. I drove myself crazy with that kind of thinking. The weird thing about life is although we are essentially alone, we can't really do it alone. It takes reciprocity and support from other people. Sometimes things just don't work out. It's not that you did or didn't do anything, it's just how it is. Do you know someone who will tell you the truth of what they thought of your girlfriend or how the two of you seemed together? It's not always easy to hear especially when you are hurting over a break up. But in my experience the opinions of friends proved much more accurate in the long run than anything psychics told me. Psychics can give really deep insights and amaze you with details, but still miss the obvious.

I appreciate your words. 
Really great point about asking friends.  It’s funny how such obvious things can totally fly over our heads while everyone else sees them. 
This last relationship was a little different.  She broke up with me because she felt I wasn’t very committed/couldn’t handle both the relationship and school-  we are both medical students and have hectic as hell schedules.  Her feelings stemmed specifically from me bailing on plans last minute(twice) because I was exhausted and not feeling well.  Other than those incidents, things were quite good.  She wasn’t really around my friends often because so much of what we do is study and we weren’t together all that long.  I guess maybe I’m in denial of the obvious because In my mind, the reasons weren’t very severe.  maybe cancelling plans last minute just isn’t my Achilles heel.  I dk.
You’re right though.  Sometimes you can’t pin down unwanted results to black and white data. Life happens and life is nuanced/confusing/messy.