Readers say to wait for POI to make contact but should I?

[Penelope]

 Intuition and gut feelings aside, has anyone initiated contact with POI in spite of psychic advice not to and to wait for them to initiate contact?  How did it work out for you?

[Love2lovenj]

I did but their reason for me waiting was so that he would learn that i wouldn't chase him.  This is my thought on this if they give you predictions and you do something that was advise not to it will change their prediction.   On the same token i did one time reach out and he was receptive but i did it at the time to let him know that i was open to talking.  After that initial contact i no longer initiated.

[Dreamer23]

I initiated contact even when they told me not to. I learned over the years to trust my intuition and if I have a gut feeling that I should reach out, then I will. It hasn't changed the outcome at all. In fact, it may have moved things in the direction that I wanted them to go.

But I think you every situation is different. So it really depends on the dynamic between you and the POI. I think most psychics tell not to initiate contact because that is most likely to make a person reach out if they don't hear from you. But that is not always the case. Every situation is different.

I'd say take what a psychic says and then check in with your own intuition.

[Fidget1028]

I think many tell you not to reach out because you will have your answer and won't rely on psychics anymore. I know. I'm cynical.

[Dreamer23]

Personally I don't like dating advice from youtube. It's horrible, IMO. It basically tells you to play games.

If you want to reach out, reach out. See how POI reacts. If they don't respond, if they tell you to cool off, then you have your answer. At least for now, reaching out is not a good idea. That can always change.

I believe it's important to state your needs at some point without being demanding, but showing what it is that you want.

And sometimes being consistent, showing interest, can turn into a positive. I think it all depends on the situation.

But I would stay away from dating books, videos, programs...I think they are a bunch of crap.

I read the book Attached and that made a lot of sense to me. It's written by a psychologist.

[Penelope]

I’ve known my POI for some time and we are in a situation where we have to communicate on a daily basis.  For various reasons, I pulled away.  Some readers have said he’s afraid and didn’t know how to begin “waking the sleeping dragon”.  Others have said he’s super busy with work (which is very true in his case) and have been distracted that way.  Cookie was the only one who said that he is waiting for me and that nothing is going to happen unless I push.  Everyone else said that he has feelings but that I should let him initiate or else we wouldn’t be on even grounds.

[aquagirl]

In my experience it would depend on the situation with POI, sometimes they were like, "ya, you can reach out" and other times they told me to wait. That's with the same person.   It just depended on what had happened.

I have done the no contact and one guy it took 6 months to reach out lol. Now this is where you can't subscribe to the "he's not into you". This person in particular as i found out years later, was and still is very much into me. Even told me he loved me last fall. But it took many years for him to tell me the real reason he was acting the way he was. It had nothing to do with another woman or him not wanting to be with me. Quite the opposite. I remember one reader on Keen told me that he would be contacting me for years after i was done with him, and that there wasn't another woman, and that he cared very deeply for me, but there were factors preventing him. Those were all very true. It just took me years to find out the truth.  When men feel they are ready and have something to offer they will chase you down, when they feel they don't the back off, no matter how deep the feelings run.  I've had men over the years do similar and keep coming back time and time again asking for another chance.  That happened with someone else again recently. I had said you ignored me, would drop off for weeks at a time or months. Then he finally told me what had been going on in his life and why he did that. He didn't feel he was ignoring me because in him mind he was taking a time out to deal with his own stuff.

Each situation is different, but in my experience it's always been better to let them reach out first.

[ladya]

I got advice from some psychics not to contact and others said to do it. I ended up contacting my ex and it really backfired on me. He was hostile. It didn't help anything and it only made me feel worse.

In my experience it would depend on the situation with POI, sometimes they were like, "ya, you can reach out" and other times they told me to wait. That's with the same person.   It just depended on what had happened.

I have done the no contact and one guy it took 6 months to reach out lol. Now this is where you can't subscribe to the "he's not into you". This person in particular as i found out years later, was and still is very much into me. Even told me he loved me last fall. But it took many years for him to tell me the real reason he was acting the way he was. It had nothing to do with another woman or him not wanting to be with me. Quite the opposite. I remember one reader on Keen told me that he would be contacting me for years after i was done with him, and that there wasn't another woman, and that he cared very deeply for me, but there were factors preventing him. Those were all very true. It just took me years to find out the truth.  When men feel they are ready and have something to offer they will chase you down, when they feel they don't the back off, no matter how deep the feelings run.  I've had men over the years do similar and keep coming back time and time again asking for another chance.  That happened with someone else again recently. I had said you ignored me, would drop off for weeks at a time or months. Then he finally told me what had been going on in his life and why he did that. He didn't feel he was ignoring me because in him mind he was taking a time out to deal with his own stuff.

Each situation is different, but in my experience it's always been better to let them reach out first.

I agree with all this. Especially the bolded part. They need to feel like they have something to offer. If they don't feel ready and you approach them, it's like you're catching them off guard. They may act insecure or even defensive over it. No matter what your approach is it can be kind of like giving them the message that you see them as vulnerable or like you are trying to coax them along. They don't understand it is our own need to just know something or have something settled. It's just one of those weird things between men and women that sucks. We didn't evolve to be the ones making those moves, the man was supposed to bring us food back from a long hunting trip, or build a home first or otherwise prove his worth as a provider. The whole context of that has been lost nowadays but the instincts are still there. Contacting them first is like reminding them that they didn't prove themselves yet.

Then again, don't listen to me, I'm 40 and still single, wtf do I know. Lol

I agree with all the above said. I have contacted in the past if I felt an overwhelming gut feeling to do so that was just nagging on for days or weeks even though I’d tell myself no. Other than that I think it’s best for them to come when they’re ready. Never put your life on hold for someone. If they’re meant to be in your life the universe will find a way, trust that. Aqua girl I’ve had the same experiences as you. When a man is ready and you’re what he decided on, he’ll let you know.

[sawthelight]

Agree with all of you too. Timing really is everything, and sometimes I forget how different men and women really are.

[aquagirl]

Agreed we are so different! Scientifically speaking, it boils down to using different parts of our brains. Like men have to scan each shelf in a fridge, while a woman just needs to look and sees everything. A man and woman can be going for a drive and she says "oh what a lovely house" and she just means that. He hears this is the house i want to live and thinks he'll never be able to provide it for her and well, date number four never happens. Just small examples. I also have come to realize that men actually have much much deeper feelings than we realize and they ever let us on to believe. But because they were raised to believe that men don't show emotions etc... they don't express them like we do.

Still Tired: you hit the nail on the head, men are biologically programmed to "hunt" the woman, when we take on that "male" role it  ruin things. I've asked men if they like women chasing them, and they are like yeah i love it, it's refreshing. Then i asked how many of those women that chased you did you end up in relationships with? and the light bulb went off in their heads, they didn't even make that connection. The long term relationships were the ones that they chased themselves.  Women chasing them is great for their egos and making them lazy. 

I'm not sure about timing, and what is meant to be, and life lessons anymore. My beliefs have been challenged recently with new manifestation ideals, ways of looking at why things don't happen even when we are positive and how we are always creating. These new ideas really make sense to me, but i am now on the fence as to how the rest fits into things.

Ladya: I agreee, don't put your life on hold for them. Us women are so guilty of this, we do it at time and not even realize it. That's the keep though, when you keep living your life and doing you, that energy releases, they feel it, that's when they come back. That desire to want them in our lives is strangling the energy. This is almost always what happens when one gives up and moves on, and thats why. At least that is my belief and observation.

They really do need space to work things out, they come back when they are ready. They approach things very differently than we do. And the biggest mistake is making a comparison of what you'd do or feel to how you think they should.  I think we are all guilty of this at one point or another.  I feel that the sooner we realize and accept that they think and actions things differently, the happier we all will be.

no1daystar: thank you! And in the mean time, you do you, and that you understand that is huge. Takes a lot of pressure off of the energy and allows things to flow more smoothly, getting you to the finish line much quicker.

[Snow-white8]

Agreed we are so different! Scientifically speaking, it boils down to using different parts of our brains. Like men have to scan each shelf in a fridge, while a woman just needs to look and sees everything. A man and woman can be going for a drive and she says "oh what a lovely house" and she just means that. He hears this is the house i want to live and thinks he'll never be able to provide it for her and well, date number four never happens. Just small examples. I also have come to realize that men actually have much much deeper feelings than we realize and they ever let us on to believe. But because they were raised to believe that men don't show emotions etc... they don't express them like we do.

Still Tired: you hit the nail on the head, men are biologically programmed to "hunt" the woman, when we take on that "male" role it  ruin things. I've asked men if they like women chasing them, and they are like yeah i love it, it's refreshing. Then i asked how many of those women that chased you did you end up in relationships with? and the light bulb went off in their heads, they didn't even make that connection. The long term relationships were the ones that they chased themselves.  Women chasing them is great for their egos and making them lazy. 

I'm not sure about timing, and what is meant to be, and life lessons anymore. My beliefs have been challenged recently with new manifestation ideals, ways of looking at why things don't happen even when we are positive and how we are always creating. These new ideas really make sense to me, but i am now on the fence as to how the rest fits into things.

Ladya: I agreee, don't put your life on hold for them. Us women are so guilty of this, we do it at time and not even realize it. That's the keep though, when you keep living your life and doing you, that energy releases, they feel it, that's when they come back. That desire to want them in our lives is strangling the energy. This is almost always what happens when one gives up and moves on, and thats why. At least that is my belief and observation.

They really do need space to work things out, they come back when they are ready. They approach things very differently than we do. And the biggest mistake is making a comparison of what you'd do or feel to how you think they should.  I think we are all guilty of this at one point or another.  I feel that the sooner we realize and accept that they think and actions things differently, the happier we all will be.

no1daystar: thank you! And in the mean time, you do you, and that you understand that is huge. Takes a lot of pressure off of the energy and allows things to flow more smoothly, getting you to the finish line much quicker.

I personally don't like to pursue and have heard strong arguments to let them come to you and chase you, and I understand it from learning about energy dynamics too.  However, there are always exceptions to the "rule" and you should trust your intuition, not fear.  I know of a handful of couples who got married, most meeting online with the woman making the first move, and I've spoken to these men and they're all happily married and wouldn't be if the woman didn't make the first move.  I definitely wouldn't encourage always being the giver, the pursuer, but I think theres times where being the first one to do something can go a long way.  I also work with a handful of men who say their wives did the pursuing.  Haha.  Not my thing but one of my friends is also planning her wedding to a man she met on Bumble.  Just thought I'd share I'm not encouraging one over the other bc every dynamic is different.  I would rather have the man pursue me, I think it encourages them to be passive and take you for granted if you do most of it.  One time though?  Could be positive, or might not...  Trust yourself!  At least the decision comes from what you wanted.

[Penelope]

@aquagirl, thank you.  My POI is definitely not ready for anything big...but he won’t give me anything at all so we can start small.  My readings (confirmed by POI) say that feelings are mutual.  But as Keisha puts it, “mutual romantic thoughts/interest, but without there being any action these are just thoughts and desires lingering”.  At this point, I am not sure if being in limbo is worst than walking away.  He knows the ball is in his court but he refuses to pick it up.  It would almost be better if he picked up the ball and leave  the court but he refuses to do that as well.  So I walked away.  But I can’t go far because I do see him on a daily basis and that sucks!

[Flyingsoul]

You should trust your instinct instead, there is no right or wrong who make the move first, also depends on the situation you are in. For example, my POI is very reserved in feelings and also very ego, he hardly made the move first, always me. But in some rare occasions, i was quite resist, he would approach first at the end because the worried build in them would get stronger. If you already know the character of your POI, you will know what to do Good luck!

[cake101]

Intuition and gut feelings aside, has anyone initiated contact with POI in spite of psychic advice not to and to wait for them to initiate contact?  How did it work out for you?

With my situation I went a 5 month quiet period with my poi. Everyone I talked to said wait for him to come to you let him contact first, he will be the first to contact and how important it was to come from him. I ended up not being able to wait anymore with the passing contact timeframes and everyone just pushing it back so I reached out to him. I haven't gathered exactly why he never reached out to me or if he ever would have if I had continued to wait. But me contacting him was positive and from what I understand so far he never reached out to me because he thought I wanted nothing to do with him. I think it's a way for you to keep coming back and not getting the whole truth and figuring out they were full of BS. Actually QoC's was the one who told me to contact him, just to send him how was everything going and that he would be happy to hear from me.

[KotaSwan]

Intuition and gut feelings aside, has anyone initiated contact with POI in spite of psychic advice not to and to wait for them to initiate contact?  How did it work out for you?

reach out if you feel like you want to. I don't care what psychics have said to me in the past....I rather have my peace of mind by doing that and have my answers rather than just waiting around.