I'm single which keen advisor should I use

[njlady]

I never thought about E-harmony. I might have to give them a shot

Seriously, try it.   You get up to 3 matches a day.  Don't skip the process.  It's in steps to get to know the person before you exchange contact info.  Unless it was an absolute Oh My God No Way with one word answers and a no effort profile, I gave each guy a real shot because we were matched on compatibility.  There was one guy I wasn't particularly attracted to at first, but his answers were so smart and funny I couldn't wait to meet him.  There was one question I sent him, something like how do you feel about crow's feet on a woman and his answer to me was "Are they on your face or at the end of your legs?" and how the first was fine but the second might take some getting used to but he'd be willing to give it a shot.  He phrased it a lot funnier than I just did.  He was a lot of fun to date.

[maroonlight]

I met my current POI on Eharmony. I got a great coupon deal, $80 for 6 months.

Recently I got back on there and I actually haven't liked any of my matches. Not to sound superficial, but most of them are well below average in appearance and have little to nothing written on their profile. I was surprised because first I thought so highly of Eharmony since I thought the first time I was on there that a lot of my matches were great, and the POI was the second person I met from the website within a week of being on there and I was instantly hooked on him.

I'm trying Match now again instead. Not sure what to say about Eharmony at this point because first I thought it was amazing and now it's like bleh.

[njlady]

I met my current POI on Eharmony. I got a great coupon deal, $80 for 6 months.

Recently I got back on there and I actually haven't liked any of my matches. Not to sound superficial, but most of them are well below average in appearance and have little to nothing written on their profile. I was surprised because first I thought so highly of Eharmony since I thought the first time I was on there that a lot of my matches were great, and the POI was the second person I met from the website within a week of being on there and I was instantly hooked on him.

I'm trying Match now again instead. Not sure what to say about Eharmony at this point because first I thought it was amazing and now it's like bleh.

If you call E-Harmony and talk to them, they will help you with that.  Sometimes fiddling with your settings for a couple of weeks will get you different men.  Or they may ask you to retake the test.  They want you to succeed and will help you out.

[maroonlight]

I met my current POI on Eharmony. I got a great coupon deal, $80 for 6 months.

Recently I got back on there and I actually haven't liked any of my matches. Not to sound superficial, but most of them are well below average in appearance and have little to nothing written on their profile. I was surprised because first I thought so highly of Eharmony since I thought the first time I was on there that a lot of my matches were great, and the POI was the second person I met from the website within a week of being on there and I was instantly hooked on him.

I'm trying Match now again instead. Not sure what to say about Eharmony at this point because first I thought it was amazing and now it's like bleh.

If you call E-Harmony and talk to them, they will help you with that.  Sometimes fiddling with your settings for a couple of weeks will get you different men.  Or they may ask you to retake the test.  They want you to succeed and will help you out.

The only settings I put high importance on were no kids, within 30 miles, and no large age difference.
I did call them and the only thing they said was that these aren’t the only match’s you’ll get. So yeah, I guess there’s kind of a downside to the few matches per day thing

[maroonlight]

I met my current POI on Eharmony. I got a great coupon deal, $80 for 6 months.

Recently I got back on there and I actually haven't liked any of my matches. Not to sound superficial, but most of them are well below average in appearance and have little to nothing written on their profile. I was surprised because first I thought so highly of Eharmony since I thought the first time I was on there that a lot of my matches were great, and the POI was the second person I met from the website within a week of being on there and I was instantly hooked on him.

I'm trying Match now again instead. Not sure what to say about Eharmony at this point because first I thought it was amazing and now it's like bleh.

If you call E-Harmony and talk to them, they will help you with that.  Sometimes fiddling with your settings for a couple of weeks will get you different men.  Or they may ask you to retake the test.  They want you to succeed and will help you out.

The only settings I put high importance on were no kids, within 30 miles, and no large age difference.
I did call them and the only thing they said was that these aren’t the only match’s you’ll get. So yeah, I guess there’s kind of a downside to the few matches per day thing

When I took the test I actually did place somewhat of a high importance on physical attraction and yeah surprisingly I’m getting matched up with obese men and one guy had a disfigured face and was 4 ft tall..

[whit777]

I'm trying Match now again instead. Not sure what to say about Eharmony at this point because first I thought it was amazing and now it's like bleh.

I used match a few years ago and it was an utter nightmare. Since you don't have to pay, most of the men on there aren't interested in a relationship, in my personal experience. Anyone can make a profile, *say* they're looking for love so they get more women interested, then get a one night stand out of them or two, and move past it. If they're relatively attractive, it's easy for them. If they're not as attractive, I suppose they might try eharmony or one of the ones you pay for and do the same thing but it's probably a lot less common. They claim people get together on match but I've literally never known anyone who met on match and had a relationship longer than a month or two. I also found that a lot of the guys had baggage or weren't over their ex. It's again, easier to "try out" dating again if you don't have to pay for it. They typically wait until they know they want to date before paying money for it. So I found it worse than eharmony because there was still no one I really felt good about.. I just had to waste 6 months and 20 dates to figure it out first. Not to mention probably 20 calls to psychics as well lol. But since it's free, it won't hurt to try it out. Maybe that was just my experience. I might just have that kind of face that attracts that lol. I met someone a couple years ago just in regular life so thankfully, I don't have to deal with that stuff but good luck to everyone who is. Finding someone in regular life isn't always possible.

[maroonlight]

I'm trying Match now again instead. Not sure what to say about Eharmony at this point because first I thought it was amazing and now it's like bleh.

I used match a few years ago and it was an utter nightmare. Since you don't have to pay, most of the men on there aren't interested in a relationship, in my personal experience. Anyone can make a profile, *say* they're looking for love so they get more women interested, then get a one night stand out of them or two, and move past it. If they're relatively attractive, it's easy for them. If they're not as attractive, I suppose they might try eharmony or one of the ones you pay for and do the same thing but it's probably a lot less common. They claim people get together on match but I've literally never known anyone who met on match and had a relationship longer than a month or two. I also found that a lot of the guys had baggage or weren't over their ex. It's again, easier to "try out" dating again if you don't have to pay for it. They typically wait until they know they want to date before paying money for it. So I found it worse than eharmony because there was still no one I really felt good about.. I just had to waste 6 months and 20 dates to figure it out first. Not to mention probably 20 calls to psychics as well lol. But since it's free, it won't hurt to try it out. Maybe that was just my experience. I might just have that kind of face that attracts that lol. I met someone a couple years ago just in regular life so thankfully, I don't have to deal with that stuff but good luck to everyone who is. Finding someone in regular life isn't always possible.

My half sister actually met her now husband on match.com. They've been married for over 5 years and have 2 children, and they're very happy together.

I've been on there before so I know there's a lot of junk, so obviously it will take time to weed through it and actually a someone I click with who is of quality. I've gotten plenty of hook up emails as well as emails from people who live in different states which drives me insane. I know it took my half sister at least several months to meet her husband on there. Eharmony probably draws less attractive people because they're looking for someone who will be accepting of them as a person despite the fact that they are unappealing. Again, not to sound superficial, I don't expect to meet a male model, but I can't date someone if there is 0 physical attraction, which is what most of my Eharmony matches have been like this time around.

I think meeting someone in real life is just a lot harder because unless you go to a bar or night club that is obviously also going to attract a lot of one night seekers, you basically have to meet them by accident and you also don't know anything about them. At least online you can get an idea of what the person is like before you meet them, and weed out deal breakers like single parents and smokers. (those are at least deal breakers for me)

I know it's free to look, but I'm pretty sure you can't email people unless you pay.

[HornetKick]

There is also POF, plenty of fish. The same applies to this site too since it's free. There is also Christian Singles (I haven't been on that one) and some Jewish Dating site, but all are meat markets where you really have to be discerning. 

[whit777]

My half sister actually met her now husband on match.com. They've been married for over 5 years and have 2 children, and they're very happy together.

I've been on there before so I know there's a lot of junk, so obviously it will take time to weed through it and actually a someone I click with who is of quality. I've gotten plenty of hook up emails as well as emails from people who live in different states which drives me insane. I know it took my half sister at least several months to meet her husband on there. Eharmony probably draws less attractive people because they're looking for someone who will be accepting of them as a person despite the fact that they are unappealing. Again, not to sound superficial, I don't expect to meet a male model, but I can't date someone if there is 0 physical attraction, which is what most of my Eharmony matches have been like this time around.

I think meeting someone in real life is just a lot harder because unless you go to a bar or night club that is obviously also going to attract a lot of one night seekers, you basically have to meet them by accident and you also don't know anything about them. At least online you can get an idea of what the person is like before you meet them, and weed out deal breakers like single parents and smokers. (those are at least deal breakers for me)

I know it's free to look, but I'm pretty sure you can't email people unless you pay.

Yeah, I probably just didn't give it enough time. I spent about 6 months on it but I just didn't have the time to be going on a date then going back to the drawing board. And I forgot that I did have to pay but it was much less than eharmony. Which I think is why I remembered it that way. But yeah, meeting someone in real life is harder, I agree. It's more of a luck thing when it does happen. I met my guy through a work project and I work with 95% males so that's the only way I was able to meet someone and actually connect with him. That's completely not the norm though. And I work with different people every few months or so. For most people, they work with the same people all the time so if they don't find anyone at work, that's what it's going to be.

But more on topic, I obviously second (or third?) everyone who said to not call psychics about this. I won't tell you to not call psychics when you're in a real relationship because I currently do that. But what I can say is that psychics will screw you up terribly at the place that you are now. You'll meet a new guy every week and have a heartbreak every week. Dating sites are a fast game until you find one that fits. But if you call a psychic about each one, a percentage of them will tell you that he's the one you'll marry. Or at the very least that there's potential. So a week later when he stops talking to you, now you'll call the psychics and ask why. But if you hadn't gotten that little nugget of a seed planted in your head that it would work out or that he liked you, you wouldn't give a damn about him because you'd be onto the next one also. And I'm not saying that to be condescending.. I'm saying that because that happened to me literally every time. And it happens to a lot of the people on this board, also. There's something about calling them that causes people to be more into their POI than they would've been otherwise and that just really messes with things. You'll spend too much time on one guy and have a much harder time finding the right one. So that's just my advice. You'll find out soon enough on your own whether they'll work out or not. Like I said, dating sites are a fast game. But I wish you well on this endeavor

[maroonlight]

Eharmony is a lot more expensive than match unless you get a good deal like I did. I'm on both websites right now since I bought an eharmony subscription for $80 for 6 months and then a match subscription for 3 months.

So we'll see what happens. I actually never call about people that I just started seeing. I only call when something bad happens or looks like is going to happen. I've only called about 3 men total in the past year 1/2 and one of them was actually an ex to begin with. So yeah, as long as everything is going well, then I don't waste my money on psychics. I met my current POI on Eharmony back in fall of 2017 and he basically dumped me saying that it had nothing to do with me, but that it was a very stressful time in his life and that he needed a break from dating altogether. We're still in touch and I know he does still think about me, but nothing has happened yet as far as dating each other again...

[maroonlight]

Match.com is not free. It's free to have a profile but you can't communicate with anybody unless you subscribe. (unless you/they have found a way to sneak in your/their email address).
EHarmony: I tried it many years ago and definitely not for me. I want to make my own choice whom to contact. That they match me seems like patriarchal arranged marriage.
OK Cupid: free or paid membership. They recently changed the way you communicate with people, so no longer so easy to exchange messages (with the free option); however, it remains my favorite site, mostly because the questions that you can answer, in addition to what people write in their profile, give a quite good idea of who they are. I've met a lot interesting people through OKC. Many here openly say they're just looking for flings/sex, so you know. I've made friends here too. It has a lot of more variety than Match.
Plenty of Fish: free, tried it years ago, didn't like it.
 

I'm trying Match now again instead. Not sure what to say about Eharmony at this point because first I thought it was amazing and now it's like bleh.

I used match a few years ago and it was an utter nightmare. Since you don't have to pay, most of the men on there aren't interested in a relationship, in my personal experience. Anyone can make a profile, *say* they're looking for love so they get more women interested, then get a one night stand out of them or two, and move past it. If they're relatively attractive, it's easy for them. If they're not as attractive, I suppose they might try eharmony or one of the ones you pay for and do the same thing but it's probably a lot less common. They claim people get together on match but I've literally never known anyone who met on match and had a relationship longer than a month or two. I also found that a lot of the guys had baggage or weren't over their ex. It's again, easier to "try out" dating again if you don't have to pay for it. They typically wait until they know they want to date before paying money for it. So I found it worse than eharmony because there was still no one I really felt good about.. I just had to waste 6 months and 20 dates to figure it out first. Not to mention probably 20 calls to psychics as well lol. But since it's free, it won't hurt to try it out. Maybe that was just my experience. I might just have that kind of face that attracts that lol. I met someone a couple years ago just in regular life so thankfully, I don't have to deal with that stuff but good luck to everyone who is. Finding someone in regular life isn't always possible.

I used OKC for a long time but haven't been on there in almost 2 years. The biggest problem that I found with it was the fact that it was free, so 90% of messages were spam from people in other states and countries. I met a few decent people on there though. Never tried POF but haven't heard many good things about it.

I agree with Eharmony being too limited. I've only been on for probably 3 weeks again now but almost everyday I haven't liked any of the matches I get for that day so yeah its a bit frustrating. I think it's kind of the opposite problem with match though, the fact there are too many options probably makes people more indecisive.

[HornetKick]

The biggest problem with eharmony is that it won't let you go outside of your personality protocols. Whatever comes up as your matches, that's all you get. If nothing comes up, you have to broaden your categories. Like if you hate smokers, you might have to include them to get any hits.  You can't even search and just start a relationship based on something appealing in another person's profile which might peg your interest, outside of your criteria. This is the reason why that show (Married at First Sight), doesn't have a lot of successful relationships. It's based primarily on the person's standards on paper and what they value. The Dr's on that show continue to push the person into staying in the relationship even when they find out later, they really just don't like them. There has got to be more to it other than a person checking off all your boxes accurately.

[maroonlight]

Yeah compatibility is better to be determined in person than through a checklist. There have been times when I wasn't that crazy about a profile that I saw online but I really liked them in person and then vice versa. You really just don't know until you meet them.

[njlady]

The biggest problem with eharmony is that it won't let you go outside of your personality protocols. Whatever comes up as your matches, that's all you get. If nothing comes up, you have to broaden your categories. Like if you hate smokers, you might have to include them to get any hits.  You can't even search and just start a relationship based on something appealing in another person's profile which might peg your interest, outside of your criteria. This is the reason why that show (Married at First Sight), doesn't have a lot of successful relationships. It's based primarily on the person's standards on paper and what they value. The Dr's on that show continue to push the person into staying in the relationship even when they find out later, they really just don't like them. There has got to be more to it other than a person checking off all your boxes accurately.

Then why do they have marriage after marriage?  Something like 4% of all marriages in the states are from EHarmony couples.  I had joined after repeatedly meeting or hearing about people who met on EHarmony and were now engaged or married. My friends son, people at parties, colleagues, etc.  One year of serious EHarmony gets serious results.

I think that a lot of people who take the test aren't really honest about themselves or maybe they aren't actually ready for marriage.  One of the test points actually is relationship skills. I also put a lot of thought into what I was going to say on my brief profile.  You don't list everything about yourself.  Their phone support was terrific.  When I first started off, I wasn't getting the results I was looking for so I called and asked for their opinion and CS told me very nicely that I should switch out some of my profile photos.  I work out a lot (I don't look like the Incredible Hulk or anything) but I did need to not be so physical.  I changed my photos to softer ones and my responses increased immediately.   I was open to constructive criticism.

Retake the test and take it like it really matters instead of just "checking the boxes" and call CS for some constructive criticism on your profile.  They want their customers to get the most out of their service.

[sawthelight]

I tried just for kicks (match.com) a while back, and the men they were sending me suggestions for were NOT my type at all, I mean nothing.

But I'm a little old fashioned, i like to meet people in person and connect that way.  Not so easy to do though. 

There's also a lot of married skeezeballs on those dating sites looking for flings and the like.