I know I had told you guys about the drama last weekend over our taxes and then how this other woman contacted my daughter on facebook, the saga continues... My husband justified her contacting our daughter because the message she sent wasn't inappropriate. I couldn't get him to acknowledge that the contact itself was inappropriate. That all happened Tuesday. Wednesday morning I called him because he had mentioned a couple weeks earlier that he had received new insurance cards for us and he needed to get them to us. He had not done this and I had a doctor's appt, I wasn't sure if anything had changed or not. So, we're having a civilized conversation on his way home from work. Of course, she is with him and is talking on her cell phone at the same time. She begins showing her ass almost immediately that I am calling him. She is talking with her sister and just being obnoxious and beligerent. Saying that I call every day to start something, she gets louder and louder. He and I are trying to continue our conversation and ignore, but after a couple minutes of this, I said she needs to shut up, there's no excuse for this. This is none of her business, etc. I said to him that I had looked at the amt used for health insurance on the court order and this was not the correct amt. He had reported half of the total insurance cost to the court as my expense, when I should only be responsible for the difference in the rate category from employee+one to employee+family (there are 3 of us on the insurance). This means my cost is only about half of what he reported to court. He was asking me questions about this to understand what I was saying, then he says I don't have the info in front of me, I'm driving down the road. I said, of course, I didn't expect you would. I'm just letting you know there's a discrepancy so you'll know what I'm talking about. She starts yelling at him, don't you talk to her about $$. She starts this whole confrontation about my sister sending her sister a friend request on facebook. Yeah, this happened back in Oct, not really sure why this was an issue on this particular morning? It was a diversion to start a new conflict. She I and are arguing back and forth between him. He yells, I'm sick of this bs and I said, me too!! He hangs up the phone and I call back she answers, so I hang up and call his voice msg system. I told him that something has to change, that is not acceptable she cannot control and dominate our conversations, what we discuss is none of her business, etc. He calls back to defend it, stating he was in her car and because he's in her car she can say whatever she wants, she chimed in and she will! I said, I don't care who's car you're in, that has nothing to do with it. Whoever drives that was between them, but she needs to respect some boundaries. They both have spouses and children and need to respect that. It always falls on deaf ears. After a couple of attempts, we ended up having an ok conversation after all this. She did get quiet eventually, sure she was listening though. He has been bringing up our marriage and why he left several times this week during our conversations, which is very very new!!! He really hasn't discussed this since he left. Seems he's looking for validation.
Our daughter created a fake phone number on the computer and sent her Dad a couple texts from this number. Saying, leave me alone and I can get you fired. It was kind of implied that this other woman was contacting him, of course he never believed it was other woman because of the phone number and she denied sending them. He was blaming me for these texts early on and I knew that I hadn't sent them, so I was more determined than ever to find out who sent them. My daughter finally confessed. I left him a voice message letting him know that she had created the phony texts. This happened back in August and has continued to be a regular argument. Him continuously stating that this other woman could prosecute her for these texts. I'm not condoning what she did, but I think they are being overly dramatic. They're saying our daughter impersonated her, etc. I continue to state that these texts were sent to him, not her and she never identified who she was impersonating. Of course, it was implied but in a court this has to be beyond reasonable doubt. Then he will turn around and say that she's not pressing charges, but it comes up every few weeks, like clockwork. Well, on this day he begins telling me that there was another message or two that was sent and said that our daughter threatened herself on the message. He never mentioned this to me before, although he said that he thought he had. I assured him that if he had told me that one of those messages threatened my daughter, I would not have forgotten that. At that time, I did not know they were from my daughter. There have been so many false allegations being made that i asked my daughter about it that afternoon and she confirmed that she had sent that message. We talked about it again, why she did that, etc. I called my husband's voice message system to leave him a msg stating that I had talked to her and she acknowledged that she had sent the msg and was sorry, etc. He calls me a few minutes later, bent out of shape that I left this message for him in the middle of the day while he was sleeping. I said, I never rang your phone, I simply left you a voice msg for you to retrieve at your leisure. Then he asks if I punished her? I said, so I'm supposed to punish her again months later, because you decide to tell me today that there is an additional message that I was not aware of before? He said that actually there was another message sent, he started talking about that. I relayed to my daughter, she said that she didn't send that message. By this time, other woman butting into our conversation, calling me a liar, then my daughter a liar. She called me an f-ing bitch. I am telling her this is none of her business to get out of our conversation. She says this involves me because messages were sent about me, my husband is saying the same. I had put my husband on speaker phone when he started explaining this 4th message so my daughter could hear. She was telling him, Dad I didn't send that message, he was calling her a liar. Other woman, continued to rant and rave, my daughter told her to stay out of it, she was talking to her Dad. So, she called my daughter an f-ing bitch. Phone went dead. I left him a voice msg saying this has gone too far, not only does she continue to verbally assault me, but now she assaulted our 17-yr old daughter. He tried to call me back about 4 times, but I wouldn't answer. He also tried to call our daughter several times, she didn't answer him either. He didn't leave any messages for either of us. I went to see the magistrate and completed 2 criminal complaints, took them home with me to return with our daughter later. I left him a message a couple hours later telling him that I had paperwork for 2 warrants. It shouldn't have gotten to this point. I had repeatedly stated my position on this and no one listened, now here we are. I told him that I was waiting for our daughter to get off work to file. If he wants a relationship with his daughter he will contact me that evening with a workable solution to avoid this in the future. I was so tired when my daughter returned from work that I had decided to wait until she got home from school next day. Around 10pm that night he called and said that he thought this whole situation had gotten way out of hand, I said you think? He said he thought this was a huge misunderstanding. He didn't know our daughter was on the phone, he didn't realize he was on speakerphone. He probably didn't realize he was on speakerphone, but he knew he was talking to his daughter and so did she. He said he was sleeping and he had to call and defend himself from the message that I left. I said there was nothing to defend yourself against, you need to listen to that message again because there was nothing confrontational about it. He said that other woman no longer wants to be around him while he's talking with me. I said, good that's all I've ever asked for. From the beginning, I would say call me when you're alone and he would never do this. Then it became, she needs to stay out of this! He asked if I had filed the warrants, I said no, not yet. Don't give me a reason to! He said that she was threatening to press charges against me for harrassment and defamation of character, which is ridiculuous! He said, don't give her a reason to either!
Next day, he calls me mid morning Wednesday to once again discuss our taxes. He's going to have to pay in about $5500 without our daughter as a dependent or my business expenses. He is very worried about this, so this is why we've had so much contact this last week. I told him that I was not going to mess up our daughter's student financial aid for college to save him money, especially when he's not going to be around to contribute to her education. He started saying that he would be contacting his attorney and it would be addressed in court. I said, go right ahead. I'm not responsible for your income taxes on your salary, that's your responsibility. He should've had a conversation with me before now about our taxes. He's been saying that my business losses are the reason he left, but suddenly they've become very important to his tax situation. He said, I want to ask you a question. I said, ok? He said, did you want me to stay in a relationship with you and be unhappy? I said, no I didn't want you to be unhappy but you have a responsibility to communicate when you are unhappy. You need to learn how to communicate and how to be a husband, not just go look for someone else and leave. He brought up a couple of issues he had with me. I told him that I wasn't saying his concerns may not have been valid, but the way he went about this was all wrong and with the way he handled it he could never be right. He was very quiet, listening. I said, if I have a problem with you, I take it up with you, not go and look for someone else. He said, people all over the country get divorced everyday and I said, yes they do. But, this shouldn't come as a shock to the other party. Our commitment is something I took seriously and should not have been taken so callously. It's like he's trying to alleviate his guilt, but he's still blaming me, but the difference is we're talking about it.
