My Story...I need some support from the only ppl who get it

[Susie1976]

Hi Everyone my name is Sue, I wanted to share my story so here I go please bare with me. I'm a single 41 year old mom. My daughter will be 20 in august. I got divorced at 29. From 30-39 I've had a range of Bad to ehhh relationships.  However, every time I broke up with one of them I never went back. I never had a desire to. Until I meant "P"! I meant him in November 2016. He's a little older then me by 8 years no biggie.  We hit it off automatically.  I fell in love with him within weeks it was so easy.  He was a true gentleman and had a gentle heart. Was sincere and treated me like gold. He want perfect but who is? He had just had his divorce papers finalized when we met and it was a fine deal he had been separated for two by then.  This man has been through hell and back! He had a bad childhood. Poor thing suffered a lot of abuse.  Then he married a woman who was horrible and then cheated on him multiple times.  He is somewhat broken but still a sweetheart! He was going to therapy and he said it really helped him. About three months into our relationship he said he needed to take a step back bc he was having anxiety and he wasn't as ready as he thought he was. However he said he didn't want to lose me in his life, he didn't want to date anyone else that if he were to date it was gonna be with me.  I know that sounds off but he was def sincere. This was March 4.  He is also miserable in his job and was waiting to here from a new place. So he had a lot against him. I'm not making excuses for home but this guy doesn't play games so I had to respect his decision.  But I'm no fool. I don't call him or text if he wants to talk to me he has to reach out.  So since March we talk about once a week. We have even seen each other twice since then. It's weird bc when we are together it's like we are back to what we were before (but no sex! Just hanging out). He has stated that he misses me a lot but is messed up.  That's were $6000.00 in two months of Pyschics calls come in! I never felt like this before for someone. He has taken over my brain. I don't call him so I need to call CP or Keen.  Majority see us getting back together, very few said other wise.  I love this man soo much.  I saw him Friday for a belated bday dinner and he invited to a concert in September and kept saying this isn't the last time we are gonna see each other bc I was joking about the distance between us.  I've called so many on CP but the ones I go back to are Dave, Jacqueline and William....I recently read with Gina Rose too who is impossible to get in her que. They all see us eventually being together again. In my heart I do too. But I don't walk around with rose colored glasses I know ppl have free will and can change I'm not a kid.  I guess I just need to reach out and talk to you guys too.  I love this man. What do you guys think?

[HornetKick]

I really feel for you girl and this is just my opinion. As hard as it is, STOP calling psychics. They will have you strung out like you are on crack. You should sit down and have a heart to heart with Mr. Wonderful. Although he is working on trying to get his act together, you are being kept in limbo and you need more than that. You have to put your needs on the table too.

This situation isn’t one sided. Ask him where does all his repairs leave you and what’s the cutoff date for when you two will be one again. The waiting and wondering will make you insane. Of course this is a touchy subject, but that happens with feelings.

The reason you are calling psychics is because you don’t want to lose him and you don’t know where to step because that eggshell may crack. That is the risk you’ll have to take even if you lose him. It’s like he is saying one thing and then doing another (it’s a bone). He doesn’t want another person to step into his shoes, so he keeps you in the wings.

I have no doubt he loves you, but this on hold crap doesn’t even feel good to me and I’m not in the relationship. You deserve so much more and all of this is easier said than done, so ultimately it’s up to you. Good luck!

[bstalling]

Agree with Hornet. Start to see him less and slowly start dating other guys. Its just never healthy to be on hold with someone..because they ultimately may not
get it together. Ever. And stop calling psychics.

[Susie1976]

It's true about calling psychics it's like a drug.  You call them they make you feel better and you feel like you are on a high and then literally the next day you need a "fix" again. It so addictive.  I know I deserve better I didn't do anything to deserve any of this. I was 1000% there for him, yes so was he but I have my shit together. I k ow what I want.  It's just so frustrating, I know he cares or he would have left and never called me
Again but this does suck and hurts. I started to take dance classes (bachata) so I could do something fun and meet more ppl. They have socials every weekend which I'm going to this weekend.  I'm gonna give someone a chance if they ask. I just wish I could stop loving him like I do, it's not easy.

[Love-33]

It's true about calling psychics it's like a drug.  You call them they make you feel better and you feel like you are on a high and then literally the next day you need a "fix" again. It so addictive.  I know I deserve better I didn't do anything to deserve any of this. I was 1000% there for him, yes so was he but I have my shit together. I k ow what I want.  It's just so frustrating, I know he cares or he would have left and never called me
Again but this does suck and hurts. I started to take dance classes (bachata) so I could do something fun and meet more ppl. They have socials every weekend which I'm going to this weekend.  I'm gonna give someone a chance if they ask. I just wish I could stop loving him like I do, it's not easy.

You need to have a discussion with this man. He is actin very selfish right now. Tell him that you suffer a lot because of this. Tell him you can't put your life on standby mode for ages.
Tell him: together now or never, and see what he says. But don't spend your life waiting like that

[sunshineluv7]

I didn't read any responses just your post,  but here are my thoughts..

One talking to a man like this never works,  so don't try to talk to him about it.  Here is what you do: stop spending time with him altogether.

Why?

Right now he has everything he wants as far as you in his life and emotional support.  Maybe he is even getting sexual contact somewhere else,  but that doesn't matter.  He clearly is emotional attached to you.

He will only change when or if he feels pain around the current situation.  That's what inspires people to step up or step out.

He will do one of two things.  One,  realize he doesn't really want you or the relationship.. Two,  realize he really does want you and step up to give you what you deserve.

But every time you see him without a commitment at this point you are just subconsciously lowering your value in his eyes and heart.  Men want a woman who is a queen  even if that means you have to lay down the law and make him recognize it.

So put your big girl panties on and go to war on this if it's what you really want.  And go read up on Katarina Phang.

May the odds be ever in your favor 😊

I say this because I did all the wrong things for 2.5 years. Men don't respond to love and support when they are confused.  They respond to pain and absence.

[HornetKick]

I say this because I did all the wrong things for 2.5 years. Men don't respond to love and support when they are confused.  They respond to pain and absence.

I totally get what you're saying, so what happens after marriage? You have to continually make him feel pain and absence, or he cheats?

[bluebelle]

I truly feel if a man plays games like this in the beginning, the whole relationship will be a headache and an emotional roller coaster. 

I had a guy do this to me years ago, back and forth, in and out, hot and cold.  I never chased him, never tried to push him.  guess what, four years later, things never took off and he played the same crap..although he would always get a little closer and nicer, but never what I needed.  Point is, I knew this in the beginning but kept on hoping for more.

then there was the jerk I was calling psychics about, same thing!  it was like reliving a nightmare LOL

I am not saying all relationships are easy and smooth sailing, but I think if  a guy really wants you, he will act right and not play these games.  and even if he does really want you, do you want someone who put you thru all this?  someone who didn't know your worth in the beginning?

[Susie1976]

Wow you guys are giving me so much courage and strength.  Ok so let me go into a little depth about this guy so you get the whole picture. In the beginning he was all in we saw each other ever weekend and it was difficult bc our schedules sucked. He worked a graveyard shift and I manage a restaurant so it was hard. Anyway we managed. He was awesome to me treated like a princess better then any guy ever did.  For the first month and a half things were great.  However the red flags were there and that's my fault that I should of saw them.  His ex wife cheated on him so he would refer to her as "the pig" "the cunt". I hated that sooo much. I get that she hurt him but stupid me should of saw that he wasn't over it by the way he talked about her.  Then after 6 weeks every time we were intimate he couldn't do it.  He would freeze up and he couldn't finish.  I get horrible bc he would get upset and once he started to cry and begged me not to leave. I said to him I loved him and would never do that.  He was going to therapy for awhile two years.  But we planned a vacation and right before the vacation he stopped going to therapy.  He said his therapist said he didn't need it anymore. I was really concerned since I knew the therapy helped him soo much. Two weeks later on march 4 he ended things.  So he went from super hot to cold.  Plus now when I steep back I see things different.  When we were together he slept a lot , granted his hours were horrible but I felt like that's what our relationship consisted of except when we went on vacay.  He is super negative, not with me thou with me always sweet and kind, about himself and his life.   You guys are right I need to just stop. Stop pretending this is gonna work.  He is very broken and I need to move on.  I need more courage I think I'm almost there. I'm glad I could talk to you guys about it.  Thank you sooo much xoxo

[sunshineluv7]

I say this because I did all the wrong things for 2.5 years. Men don't respond to love and support when they are confused.  They respond to pain and absence.

I totally get what you're saying, so what happens after marriage? You have to continually make him feel pain and absence, or he cheats?

Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Improve-Marriage-Without-Talking-About/dp/0767923189



There IS a time to talk about things, but women are far more on the "let's talk it out" side than men can easily process/actually get results from.  I get what you are saying though, but I've tried it both ways and have to agree talking doesn't work. I wish it did, so much easier for us. LOL

[sunshineluv7]

Hi Susie, sounds like you are having a "hindsight is 20/20" moment. I can totally understanding hoping for the best/believing for the best and seeing the good parts in someone and not wanting to give up. That was me for those 2.5 years. And yes, it always starts out amazing, or else we wouldn't get into it at all, would we?

It sounds like he has some major issues he has to work on before he'd be a good partner to anyone at all. I know it's hard though, but I really do think that the pain of letting go/rejection/moving on is what drives us to talk to psychics.

We don't want to let go or move on or accept what is really happening, we want it to be different. And the aloneness where they used to be in our lives, stinks. But if your force yourself to go through those spaces, eventually they don't feel so uncomfortable.

It's okay to feel uncomfortable and "not good" - but our society makes us think that's not okay, hence why people turn to self-medicating with drugs or alcohol or in our case psychic readings. It's a pacifier at the end of the day.

Don't beat yourself up though for staying with it and wanting it to be better. Most women want that happily ever after, or even just content domestic harmony with a man they love. And when we thought we had that and it slips away, we get upset.

But sometimes you have to let go before life can give you what it really had in mind/something better.

Hugs.

[bluebelle]

Hi Susie, sounds like you are having a "hindsight is 20/20" moment. I can totally understanding hoping for the best/believing for the best and seeing the good parts in someone and not wanting to give up. That was me for those 2.5 years. And yes, it always starts out amazing, or else we wouldn't get into it at all, would we?

It sounds like he has some major issues he has to work on before he'd be a good partner to anyone at all. I know it's hard though, but I really do think that the pain of letting go/rejection/moving on is what drives us to talk to psychics.

We don't want to let go or move on or accept what is really happening, we want it to be different. And the aloneness where they used to be in our lives, stinks. But if your force yourself to go through those spaces, eventually they don't feel so uncomfortable.

It's okay to feel uncomfortable and "not good" - but our society makes us think that's not okay, hence why people turn to self-medicating with drugs or alcohol or in our case psychic readings. It's a pacifier at the end of the day.

Don't beat yourself up though for staying with it and wanting it to be better. Most women want that happily ever after, or even just content domestic harmony with a man they love. And when we thought we had that and it slips away, we get upset.

But sometimes you have to let go before life can give you what it really had in mind/something better.

Hugs.

great post )

[Susie1976]

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your encouragement. I def need it. I need to get to that point of letting go. I'm not there yet but I feel myself letting go more and more.  I never was a "rip the band aid off fast" person.  I'm very happy and thankful I found this forum. I do believe it calling Pyschics is like an addiction.  I need to start my road to recovery. Thank you again xoxo

[FaithnTrust]

He sounds like my ex - a very broken, very depressed person. Know that you can't help him. Save yourself and don't try and save him. Only he can do that.

[maroonlight]

I agree, that you should talk to him and ask him when he plans on and if he thinks at all that he will be able to get over his issues and have a stable relationship with you. I can imagine how frustrating this situation is for you..

I wish I could give CP a better rap, but they told me the exact opposite of what was going to happen with the person who I thought was the love of my life. I had never felt a stronger connection with anyone more than my ex, and I truly believed we were meant for each other. CP told me he would come back and we would be together, but that never happened, and I tried reaching out to him. They deceived me horribly.