Hi Lovefash67. What the hell do I know? I obviously do not have the full picture, and there are three sides to the story: yours, his, and the truth. But just from the shadow of a glimpse I can glean from the situation, Im left feeling that you may be too hard on the guy. Sorry, but I heard alot of I’s and ME’s in your missive. You never have the full picture of what he is dealing with in his own life especially in these unprecedented times. If you had said he beats you, is vindictive, is malicious, steals from you, and disrespects you, thats one thing. But, if poor communication is the only issue, thats a horse of a different color. Many men have poor communicative skills, and after being told they need to improve, cannot do so within a short timeframe, especially in these unprecedented times. I would assume your sharing your situation on the board means you are open to feedback and constructive criticism. So I take the opportunity to give my opinion for whatever its worth. Again, I have no clue of the full picture and can only form an opinion based on the very small glimpse you have opened a window to. My advice is that yes, you should freely express to him what your boundaries are while keeping in mind he has many issues dealing with which he may never share with you. You just dont know what he is dealing with family wise and financial wise that he cant share with you out of fear of being deemed lesser than. Express your boundaries but dont keep mentioning it to him. Clearly express your feelings then let it go and give him time, he may need plenty of that. Then if you find he isnt worth it, let him go. But he has to have room to be who he is and grow in his own time. If you only see him once or twice a month, then clearly he doesnt need you. He could easily have found another where he lives a few hrs away. The fact that he keeps coming back means he does value you and knows your worth. Its not just the sex. I have a feeling he could get that otherwise from you, yet he chooses to share that with YOU. Give him time to be who he is and to grow. You already fell for him when he was who he was, so he cant be that bad. Give things more time. But what the hell do I know?
Thank you, I am open to hearing what other think and I understand what your saying and it can be possible but only time will tell, if it is possible that he is quite because something bad happen then okay I will be more forgiving if not he is getting a warning and if it I happens again I am done.
I am an essential worker and I am out and about risking my life for people and the most considerate thing he can do is check up on me. Over the weekend, I lost a client to the virus she was only 31 if we were still talking ,I would have still texted him to make sure he is okay. To me life happens, what will happen if we get back together and instead of saying hey I am not doing well I need some space and he just decides to be quite and leaves me sitting here wondering? I don't believe that is a balanced relationship. Yes, you are right he is a good person which why I fell for him but he was also the person that caused our breakup and he admitted to his mistake of being immature and not communicating. It seems that anytime something bad happens in his life he shuts down and stops communicating. How is this mature? When you have a family or kids in the future are you going to just lock yourself up and not come out till your ready? I want my next relationship to be with someone who I will possibly get married to and build a future and that includes a man who is not only I have a deep connection with ,kind , ambitious, and smart but someone who is also strong, mature, and good communicator, etc.
I honestly feel like not only did I give him a chance because we dated in the past but also because Yona was gassing me up making this thing sound like it was IT, the thing that I have been looking for. She even used the paraphrase that I am starting to do things that I love but also starting to love to describe out situation.
Honestly, it was fun at first and now it just seems like a waste. On top of that he is also on a break with his gf and has been since September that's another red flag. If this was a new person thagt I didn't know I would have shut it down from the start but again I gave it a chance.One thing Yona was definitely right about is my tolerance is very , very low and I have come a long way. In the past I would have been crying and beating myself up, contacting him non stop and thinking why I wasn't good enough. Now I'm starting to think he's not good enough for me and this is a waste of my time. I take full responsibility for entertaining this thing ad making excuses and also listening to Yona since she predicted most of this I ALLOWED IT to go on.