Hey all, could use your advice and everyone here has such a level head on their shoulders and a unique perspective to r/s's.
I started to see someone the end of August. The r/s has progressed pretty quickly and I am thoroughly enjoying my time with him. He is very much into me and I admit it's been an eye-opener after 18 mos of my ex backing away and the past 9 of him barely giving me the time of day.
All this time I've made excuses for my ex, saying he didn't treat me like a friend because he actually still loves me etc etc. Of course the thousands spent on psychics who told me he was my sm and he'd be back. In reality, who really knows? Simple fact is, he doesn't want to be with me at this point in time and I was becoming more and more miserable and I didn't like that.
Moving on really clicked for me one day when I went to offer my ex help and he was completely rude to me and also mentioned another girl, which he has repeatedly done all summer. I was actually going to tell him that day that I couldn't sit around and wait anymore, but after him bringing her up again, a little switch flicked inside me and I said nope, I am done, he doesn't deserve a last chance.
I've told the new guy about this r/s and my past affair because there are people we work with who know my exs family. I feared him finding out 6 months down the line. He is dealing with the affair but he is very worried my ex will come back and say the magic words to whisk me away from him. There are no magic words I can say to my new guy to assure him that I won't. He thought I had said something to my ex that last time I went over there. He feels that because I told my ex I would wait for him (though I haven't said that since last year), that my ex feels secure in doing whatever he's doing because he knows I'm the one and that I am waiting (I specifically said I'd wait as long as he continued to give me signs and there have not been any signs for many months). I will be honest and say I have not mentioned my new r/s to my exs mother and I talk to her often. My new guy does park in my driveway overnight though, we go out often and he went away with me for work last weekend. So I'm not hiding him per se, I'm just not mentioning him to the exs family as I really don't want any issues right now.
I have not heard from my ex since that day I went over there, over 4 weeks ago. It's been the longest we've been in NC. He has not emailed me since mid-August which was odd as he was sharing something more with me than with his family. But I am tired of reading into every nuance with him. Maybe things just are what they are and he's just not interested in me at all anymore. He still has a double facebook life, he still has this other girl he talks to all the time. (she is "so in love with him" but still married and I don't believe they are physical though she is filling an emotional void in his life). In addition to the affair we had, the r/s he had in the winter was also an affair. Do I want a man who now seems to be attracted to married women? Oh and when we went out NYD, he was apparently in this r/s which means he cheated on her with me, which I didn't know for months. That day he drunkenly told me he loved me, missed me and wanted to make it better, but since the things have continued to go downhill.
Also my exs mom has never hesitated to let him know that I still loved him so he has had reasons to believe I'd still be waiting. I worry this will be a huge shock for him when he finds out. Unfortunately due to his personality traits there is no way for me to predict how he will react. He will either be angry or go the sad crying route. He could actively try to pursue me again. Then again you'd think if he were interested, he'd wear his favorite necklace that I replace for him a couple of months ago, after he lost in last winter.
I should note I really do feel I've moved on. I do have occasional twinges of regrets over what's happened in the past. Reading some recent success stories makes me feel as though I've given up too early, but really after 18 months I can't say I didn't try. I've actually deleted his texts off my phone since I started seeing the new guy, and have at least moved most of his pictures from out in the open in my house. That was an amazing feeling for me too as I never felt I'd be able to do that.
What are your thoughts? Do I owe the ex an explanation? He had a r/s in the winter he never told me about though I can see in hindsight that he alluded to it. I've never been in a limbo situation like this before. It is possible he will have a WTF moment when he realizes I've moved on and really start to push me and that's what my new guy is worried about. Until that happens and I reject him, my new guy will have this hanging over his head, though he has no doubts for how I feel about him.
