Burning Bridges

[melancholia]

So I burned the bridge with my boyfriend...excuse me, EX-boyfriend today.  He lied to me about his dad being sick so he could jet off somewhere with his "ex" girlfriend. 

So I called him out on it, he refused to respond.  So I sent our pictures to her with timestamps and descriptions, then told him to go fuck himself.  When he called, telling me "you need to stop" (fucker, if you'd responded to my texts this wouldn't have happened) I burned the bridge entirely and told him he ruined my life and I never wanted to hear from him again.  Granted, it was far more psycho-girlfriend than I would have liked, but this has been a long time coming.

So that's that.  And maybe that's what I needed to do to finally finish this.  But it's going to be a long road ahead, and it's going to hurt for a while. 

Kisha got all this right.  And again, I still have to give credit to YourPathInLt because while she would tell me that, "Oh, things will get better, even within a week," she would also tell me that I wasn't going to put up with his nonsense for much longer.  And when she would say things would get better, they would - temporarily.  And now here we are, where I'm not putting up with him any longer.  So.  She really has been right.  Just not in the way I'd hoped. 

Anyway. Sorry for the swearing, but my head feels like it's on fire right now and I can't really think straight.  Just...even though Kisha and YourPathInLt were right, guys - don't call anymore.  Because most of them aren't, and calling them isn't going to change the future. It's just going to prolong the inevitable and prolong the pain you're going to go through.  If it weren't for calling psychics and twisting what they were saying into what I wanted to hear, I would have left him MONTHS ago.  I would have left him in November when I found the first email indicating he was cheating, or in December when I caught him at her store for no apparent reason, and I would have walked away and not subjected myself to all of this.  But because of the false hope I gained from calling, I let this drag out.  And Kisha would even tell me, I'm going to keep this up for a few more months but I really shouldn't because it's just going to keep killing me.  And she was right.  She was so very right.  But I kept reading my notes from her readings and interpreting them to mean something very different from what she was trying to tell me. 

And let's be real - the vast majority of us are going to do that. It goes back to what I was saying in the other post about human vanity and confirmation bias - we're going to hear what we want to hear, all evidence to the contrary be damned.  So don't do it. Don't allow yourself to continue living in an echo chamber where all you wind up hearing, no matter how negative it might be, is what you really want to hear.  Step out of the echo chamber and look with your eyes and hear with your ears and accept what your gut is telling you.  Trust YOURSELF.  You don't need spirit guides or psychics or anyone else - just listen to your HEART.  How many people here have kept themselves from moving on, even when they felt in their hearts it was over, just because they clung to hope from readings they received for too long?  HOW MANY THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS HAVE WE ALL COLLECTIVELY WASTED?  I wouldn't be surprised that if we tallied up all the money that just the regulars on this forum have spent over the years, we'd hit at least a million.

So.  I burned my bridge, and good riddance.  He was dragging me down and didn't have his shit together anyway.  I'm not saying burn yours, but I am saying look at your situation with complete objectivity and make decisions based on YOUR intuition and YOUR observations, not a psychic's.  And if you really need a second opinion, go to a friend who actually cares about YOU and not your money. 

[divine wishes]

And let's be real - the vast majority of us are going to do that. It goes back to what I was saying in the other post about human vanity and confirmation bias - we're going to hear what we want to hear, all evidence to the contrary be damned.  So don't do it. Don't allow yourself to continue living in an echo chamber where all you wind up hearing, no matter how negative it might be, is what you really want to hear.  Step out of the echo chamber and look with your eyes and hear with your ears and accept what your gut is telling you.  Trust YOURSELF.  You don't need spirit guides or psychics or anyone else - just listen to your HEART.  How many people here have kept themselves from moving on, even when they felt in their hearts it was over, just because they clung to hope from readings they received for too long?  HOW MANY THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS HAVE WE ALL COLLECTIVELY WASTED?  I wouldn't be surprised that if we tallied up all the money that just the regulars on this forum have spent over the years, we'd hit at least a million.
 

Two things:

1. good for you for taking control of your situation. and you are my hero for blowing up the crazy, lie-filled situation he had going on.
2. you are so right -- regardless of what the readers tell us about our rosy futures (hours, days, weeks, months, years ahead), we need to act in our best interest right now.

i'm wondering though what is the difference between hope and denial?

[bstalling]

Excellent post, Somnus.

What was the ex-girlfriend's reaction to that? Did she even know you were in the picture?

[melancholia]

Excellent post, Somnus.

What was the ex-girlfriend's reaction to that? Did she even know you were in the picture?

I suspect she did, but I'm sure she put on a good show for him.  I received some really nasty texts a few hours later, but where she was insulting I was logical, and where she flung around baseless insults (Ugly whore? Right, that's totally me... Except for the monogamy and the being young and pretty thing.  Totally sounds exactly like me) I was able to come back and tell her exactly the things he'd said to me about her, many of which had already been proven to be true and none of which were particularly savory...but I delivered them as tactfully as possible, with a few "I'm sorry you're hurting, but your anger is definitely misdirected since, you know, he cheated on and lied to us both," thrown in for good measure. Don't think she picked up on those, though.  She was too busy with her monosyllabic diatribe to bother to read what I was replying to her, I think.

So, in a weird way, I think the exchange helped me further get over him, because all she managed to do was prove to me that he chose someone trashy and significantly less intelligent in addition to all the awful things he'd told me about her.  So I hope he has fun with that mess.

Ah, now I feel a little bad. I shouldn't be gloating like this. It's petty.

...But it does appear that I've dodged a bullet on this one.

[cocoapple]

@ Somnus

Good for you!!!  I couldn't echo that any louder.  I'm sorta in the same boat.  I've had it with these readings.  This behaviour needs to STOP.  I'll post my final reviews on various readers later when i grieve my lost properly... but seriously, the reason why most of us are STILL reading and not moving on it's because of these psychic readings!!!  If i had stopped....back in January... when my guy told me he needs alone time instead of calling these psychics and asking about when he'll come around etc. ladies, it's just not worth it!!!!

Take off the bandaid and just heal..... !!!!  Go through the emotions and if you feel like a reading, talk to this forum!!!! 

[sagitira]

somnus,
i commend you for you being so strong! i wanted to do just the same with my guy and his gf but i never had enough courage to tell her about all the lies. i always thought if i did tell her then i would get over him sooner...
funny how the gf turns the attack towards you where she should be directing it towards the asshole and kick his buts! soo typical...it's probably shock and denial but she will digest it don't worry.

i knew from your first post something was not right there...and i'm glad you found out sooner or later...you did the right thing and should be proud of yourself!