Just think, if your guy came back.....

[hawkgirl79]

...then you would have to put up with his sorry ass!!!! Don't you remember what it's like to have a man around all the time? I mean, don't get me wrong I am madly in love (I think all of us on here are madly in love) but if he came back, I would have to deal with all his behavioral issues and his emotional problems, and his selfishness and his immaturity. I am enjoying my VACATION. 

As a side note, I threw away ALL of my notes from psychic readings two nights ago. Trash man picked them up yesterday. Can you imagine? After spending all that money the only thing I really had to show for it was the records. It was really hard to do, but I feel much freer and my head is clearer, actually, like the clouds parted a bit.

ETA: I'll admit, I read through all the notebooks first and actually did my best to commit the readings to memory. LOL

[scorpiogirl]

I threw mine away when I moved almost 3 years ago. I know what you mean about only having that to show for all the money I'd spent. I had 4 or 5 THICK notebooks that I carrried around with me and read on the bus or subway to keep me going. At that time I nearly cried for all the money I was throing away but I had to do it.

He did come back. Proposed in a half-assed manner several times. But had not made any changes. It was all still the same. I made my peace with him and his crappy ways a long time ago. Funny thing is, I do love the person that I know is hiding underneath all the crappy stuff. But I would never want him as he is now. No different that when he had me. I grew, even if in just a small way. But he didn't.

[hawkgirl79]

Yes, FlutterShy, it is an enormous challenge NOT to internalize that rejection and allow it to be  a reflection of our self worth. I spent a lot of time believing/thinking that I wasn't attractive enough for him, etc. etc. when none of that was true at all. I later realized he wasn't going to commit to any woman. And I discovered months later, when his mind gets quiet, the woman that he still thinks about is me. But it was a lot easier for me to believe that there was something wrong with me.

I actually don't believe in love addiction as a cognitive problem. We are all addicted to love. Love is what makes the world go round.  We do, however, pine after people who don't return our affections because we believe untrue thoughts about our worth and about what we need in order to be happy. Thoughts such as:

I can only be happy with him
I need his approval to validate my existence/worth
He is the only one who will love me
He isn't with me because there is something wrong with me

Of course, it isn't as straightforward as that because each person/soul is unique and essentially irreplacable, so even if we do find the strength/healthiness to move on eventually, there's always a small part of our heart that grieves and yearns.  I think for me, it came down to recognizing that I had to look out for me, and that included moving on and attempting to mirror the selfishness my lover had showed me. Someone on this forum said, "The world didn't end because I put myself first." I love that. 

I still think about him several times a day. He's in my thoughts constantly. I am not over it. But I recognize that I need to make efforts towards putting myself first. This includes, not looking at his or his brother's Facebook, not reaching out to him anymore (he knows how I feel) not allowing my thoughts of him prevent me from living my life NOW, and not calling psychics to find out what he is going to do. I think if a guy called a bunch of psychics to inquire about me, I wouldn't want to be with him. I've decided to follow my lover's example and become fiercely independent. I'm going to try to start dreaming about a new, indepedent, strong and happier me, and stop dreaming about him.

At least, I'm going to try.

[allbitenobark]

This is a great thread and I hope more participate. This means me as well but for now I must go to bed as I can barely keep my eyes open, but I couldn't help myself from thanking you lovely ladies first for your words. Time to have a happy selfish dream. Gnight!

[jdd2003]

I've actually found in my current situation i don't even feel like I need a reading. What would I ask? I know in my gut how everything is going to turn out anyway, so why do I need the details in betweeen? It will only make me nervous and feel like I need reading after reading after reading. Completely agree with you guys, I could cry for the money I spent. But, there is no point in doing that. We all make mistakes. Some people turn to drugs, others to alcohol...I guess we turned to psychics (although I do wonder if I'd been better off spending that money drinkng and partying...? lol)

You feel so much better not getting readings and living life and not depending on some possibly accurate, but most likely inaccurate, readings.

[luckymom]

Very well said, jdd2003, after feeling so low on Wednesday..today I feel my life keeps getting better and better... I finally did laundry today