r/FemaleDatingStrategy/

[maggs30]

I dated a lady summer of 2019 that was 75 min drive and I had no issue going to her after work for dinner.  I'm a guy that loves to travel so if someone says 30 min is too far, then she won't like my lifestyle.  I drove to a city 9 hours away just for lunch once.  I love stuff like that.

My guy is about 30 minutes away. 4 months in he is at my house every other day. We met face to face within 5 days and I had seen him a second time within 3 days of that. Our largest gap was 12 days when he was really sick. Dating apps suck in general but I'm thankful I tried and met him.

My guy isn't really a traveller and I could hope in the car and drive to the beach 6 hours away right now lol but we are talking about a trip to Chicago from Texas when the crap eases up so he's learning. He jokes with me daily that he passed 10k miles on his truck for me.

[summertimesnow]

I tried dating app its like when I talk to them, they become very sexual or talk something that could have a sexual interpretation so I pull back. Cause I dont want to just play and have fun. I actually like meeting in person and just coincidentally or by what universe giving me, this way I feel the chemistry is way better and flow naturally. Cause I feel that if I'm one dating app, it feels like im forcing myself to have a relationship even though the time has not come yet. I haven't found my the one yet, but I will not like dating app. Its just unnatural and I dont like ti, something natural feels way better.

I agree. I gave it my all for nearly 7 years now, first the sites, and the apps I've been trying with zeal since 2017. I never said that I wasn't interested in anyone from out of town.. I just pointed out that someone being local is a major boon since that is so rare. 99 % of my 'matches" were an hour or 90 min away. More often than not, the guys would ask me to drive to see them, or come up with a rando mid point rather than the city that's an hour away. several times I would talk to guys for a month or so before they revealed 1) they don't have a car/don't have a driver's license 2) they have some health condition that prohibits their driving 3) they are under house arrest/parole 4) they wrecked their car 5) they got their driver's license suspended due to a DUI or accident etc.
I live in the Midwest, US. I will leave it to you to infer the lopsided statistics of the above scenarios. Most everyone has a car. I am not looking down on anyone who can't afford it or has a condition that prohibits their driving but I find it strange that the above scenarios crop up and are revealed 4-5 weeks after starting to converse.

taht said, my last three matches were all local . 1 ghosted me, 1 stood me up, and 1 never offered to meet. we could have easily met up at a coffee shop that's open since lock down, but no.

this was admist the abuse, the men who would appear as single on one app but 'poly' on another, or those who revealed they are married, and the rest who converted an innocuous convo about say, languages, into 'girls love the tongue action'--.

that's been my experience. I took mini breaks in 3-4 years of being on the apps and the sites before that but I have reached my limit. there's not one positive in all this time but the above, and an average of 7-8 hours wasted on the apps. I physically cannot do it anymore. I deleted my accounts as of now after nearly 4 years. there is a limit! If  I am missing out on that one person as a consequence of the 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 bad apples, so be it. alas.

[summertimesnow]

Just an FYI - It's not much different from the guys point of view.  I laugh when a lady tells me that she's not interested in anyone more than a 30 min drive away.  I'll drive 2 hours to go to lunch.  30 min is local for me.  the other thing for me is that if it takes you 3 weeks to find 10 min to meet at a coffee shop just to see if there is chemistry face to face, then you probably aren't that interested in dating.  It's such a frustrating venture.

So for anyone who says that dating apps work and they found their current s.o: sure, but for some of us, it's a rinse repeat of the following experiences: ghosting, fizzling convos, insults, unicorn requests, breadcrumbing, submarines, and whatever fancy term the app execs coin to make it sound cute and inoffensive, just so they can get the ad money.
Here's a tally of my last half year of any 'love interests' off all the apps combined.

to preface; like Piggynose I am in a middle o nowhere town so the 'local' guys are those in the same town-they number to maybe 2 % . the rest are an hour away.

2 people of interest who stopped writing after drafting longish emails and countless more fizzled convos after 2-3 messages.
1 person who asked me out, canceled at the last minute and revealed he's polyamorous. He is colleagues with one of my distant colleagues but turned out he is bi, and a cross dresser, and poly, all of which I don't object to, but consider a turn off, sorry.
1 local person who seemed nice but whom I sadly couldn't get myself to meet up-so I'm the guilty party in breadcrumbing behavior here.
1 who was a local guy with whom I texted for 3 months , who still hadn't offered to meet 2 months past lockdown despite my innuendos-and whom  I just stopped writing back to.
1 person whose 1 pic was deceptively attractive but came across as creepy in 4-5 other pics, whose height kept on varying between 6 0 and 5 9 (big gap here, sorry. I am only 5 5'' but the fact is the guy was playing around with his height)-he also canceled on me a few times but I was hoping he would cancel.
about 10 people who converted a normal convo-on Hinge, supposedly the serious app,--into sex talk, or attempted to
1 phone call that went well after which the guy sent me a cartoon about 'getting it up' and when I tried to divert the convo back to normal talk about pop culture and the like proceeded to try to sex talk and then was appalled when I called him out on it.
a local guy who asked me to rate my libido.
and finally the local guy who seemed decent but who was clearly hung up on his ex-if that story is true-who stood me up twice..

What a viral petri dish. seems like these people on the apps are pests lacking cognition and intellect who just are programmed to be vermin, much like good old corona.

I know guys say this but why oh why do you send women pics of your genitalia? why do you open with 'wanna sit on my face', why do you convert a convo about say, learning Spanish to not so clever innuendo about giving head or whatever jargon you want to put here.
Why should we take you seriously with all this? do you guys REALLY think that after having this convo I'm going to meet you and want you to 'sit on my face' or drop down on my knees to suck? 

this is the above filth that I have to respond with. I don't want to have any encounter with anyone who says anything of the above and its variants.
It just is incel-speak from I stand. it's deliberately curt  and aggressive, Epsteinish, from men who can't afford a 2000 Honda Civic  and want to have their own party island in the Caribbean and who want to take it out on women by spewing this shit-b/c they can't have their little island and eat their cake or whatever, oh bohoo. these are the men on the apps.
Here's my response back to these men: take your own d*ck and stuff it up your ass hole.

[wtg4soulmate]

I completely understand what you are saying, and I know you've gone through a ton of one-timers and conversations that led nowhere.  But, I will say there there is the rare find of a guy that truly wants a relationship.  I know because I am one of those guys.  I do have a car, I do have a house, I do have a career, I do travel often (random weekend excursions and international when I can).  I'm trying to find that special lady that wants to join me on those travels and enjoy life.  Those scumbags on the sites make it so difficult for guys like me because it causes women like you to already have your fences up before a conversation even starts. 

Personally, if we text for weeks without setting up sometime to meet, then I will lose interest.  If you can't find 10 min within 2-3 weeks time for a quick meet at a coffee shop to say hello, then you aren't interested in meeting people. 

And lets not talk about those messages that guys get from ladies who say they are in their 40's with blonde hair but the profile pic is an asian lady that looks about 25.

I finally talked with a lady that sounds amazing and we seemed to connect very well.  Only problem is that she is in Canada (I'm 45 min from the border) and there is no non-essential travel allowed over the border right now.  UGH!!!!!!

Believe me, the frustration is there for the good men as well.

Just an FYI - It's not much different from the guys point of view.  I laugh when a lady tells me that she's not interested in anyone more than a 30 min drive away.  I'll drive 2 hours to go to lunch.  30 min is local for me.  the other thing for me is that if it takes you 3 weeks to find 10 min to meet at a coffee shop just to see if there is chemistry face to face, then you probably aren't that interested in dating.  It's such a frustrating venture.

So for anyone who says that dating apps work and they found their current s.o: sure, but for some of us, it's a rinse repeat of the following experiences: ghosting, fizzling convos, insults, unicorn requests, breadcrumbing, submarines, and whatever fancy term the app execs coin to make it sound cute and inoffensive, just so they can get the ad money.
Here's a tally of my last half year of any 'love interests' off all the apps combined.

to preface; like Piggynose I am in a middle o nowhere town so the 'local' guys are those in the same town-they number to maybe 2 % . the rest are an hour away.

2 people of interest who stopped writing after drafting longish emails and countless more fizzled convos after 2-3 messages.
1 person who asked me out, canceled at the last minute and revealed he's polyamorous. He is colleagues with one of my distant colleagues but turned out he is bi, and a cross dresser, and poly, all of which I don't object to, but consider a turn off, sorry.
1 local person who seemed nice but whom I sadly couldn't get myself to meet up-so I'm the guilty party in breadcrumbing behavior here.
1 who was a local guy with whom I texted for 3 months , who still hadn't offered to meet 2 months past lockdown despite my innuendos-and whom  I just stopped writing back to.
1 person whose 1 pic was deceptively attractive but came across as creepy in 4-5 other pics, whose height kept on varying between 6 0 and 5 9 (big gap here, sorry. I am only 5 5'' but the fact is the guy was playing around with his height)-he also canceled on me a few times but I was hoping he would cancel.
about 10 people who converted a normal convo-on Hinge, supposedly the serious app,--into sex talk, or attempted to
1 phone call that went well after which the guy sent me a cartoon about 'getting it up' and when I tried to divert the convo back to normal talk about pop culture and the like proceeded to try to sex talk and then was appalled when I called him out on it.
a local guy who asked me to rate my libido.
and finally the local guy who seemed decent but who was clearly hung up on his ex-if that story is true-who stood me up twice..

What a viral petri dish. seems like these people on the apps are pests lacking cognition and intellect who just are programmed to be vermin, much like good old corona.

I know guys say this but why oh why do you send women pics of your genitalia? why do you open with 'wanna sit on my face', why do you convert a convo about say, learning Spanish to not so clever innuendo about giving head or whatever jargon you want to put here.
Why should we take you seriously with all this? do you guys REALLY think that after having this convo I'm going to meet you and want you to 'sit on my face' or drop down on my knees to suck? 

this is the above filth that I have to respond with. I don't want to have any encounter with anyone who says anything of the above and its variants.
It just is incel-speak from I stand. it's deliberately curt  and aggressive, Epsteinish, from men who can't afford a 2000 Honda Civic  and want to have their own party island in the Caribbean and who want to take it out on women by spewing this shit-b/c they can't have their little island and eat their cake or whatever, oh bohoo. these are the men on the apps.
Here's my response back to these men: take your own d*ck and stuff it up your ass hole.

[maggs30]

Usually if you do the paid versus free sites you have a little better luck. I talked to quite a few but only chose to meet my one. I got plenty of far away guys, rude guys, and dick pic guys. My guys profile sounded pathetic. He had lost all hope just like me. It's truly a needle in a haystack but I think I may have found a golden needle.

[summertimesnow]

Usually if you do the paid versus free sites you have a little better luck. I talked to quite a few but only chose to meet my one. I got plenty of far away guys, rude guys, and dick pic guys. My guys profile sounded pathetic. He had lost all hope just like me. It's truly a needle in a haystack but I think I may have found a golden needle.

I was on Match for 3 years. I exhausted the good matches within the first couple of months. Keep in mind I live in a small college town and am in my late 30s. When I joined I was in my mid 30s. I would only get emails from 50 somethings with kids, divorcees and the like and anyone I messaged did not write me back. Not to toot my own horn and please do not engage in ageism by calling me old, -fair warning-but other than the age factor , there's nothing wrong with me. Men complain about women not holding a convo-I speak 4 languages and have two higher ed degrees, from top universities, a PhD, and tenure, and I am a published author. Men complain about women turning out to be fat. Here are the stats; I am 5 5, currently 120 lb on the dot, and 115 at my leanest, and 125 at my heaviest. I've never been 'fat' or overweight, ever. Men talk about women being not fit. I ski, I run, I lift weights, I am working out 2 hours on average per day. Men talk about women wanting a free meal ticket on the apps. I have my own car and am thinking of purchasing my own house. Men complain about foreign women being in for the greencard. Newsflash, I am a dual citizen, earned by my own advanced education and sponsored by the university that hired me. Men complain about single moms. I have no kids. Men complain about women putting on pressure. I can't even fathom co-habitation; I am Aquarian. Men complain about unsophisticated women. I am European, and I've seen 15 countries.

So?

I was lured by the promise of that lone needle in the haystack of the apps again and again. Isn't 7 years of misery not enough? I was barely 30 7 years ago. If it was meant to be on the apps, I'd have found someone decent in all this time.