Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story

Fm and the not so good ending with SM.

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fm:
Hi all, here is my story again, I am sure some of you guys might have knew it one way or another, in any case, this is not a very good ending for me and my ex, a supposedly SM or whatever. Only Kira and the healer knows. In anycase, what I did not reveal in any of the past posts is that I am a guy. I hope there are no homophobs here and people do not judge me for my orientation. Sorry no pics because I am more paranoid then anyone here of being identified!

Cut the story not so short but here goes, I met this guy online about 2 years back and have chatted quite a while until I flew down to meet him last Sep. I am from Singapore and its 815 pm on Feb 21 now and he is from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. When we first met, all sparks flew, all I can say is the emotional connection is so deep and it felt like we really loved each other almost instantly. We started Video Blogging, Video Chat, MSN and chats almost everyday for the next month or so. I flew down again end Sep and End Oct. However, there are too many things happening in his life like work, studies, mum's death, dad's illness etc, he started to wonder if he is jumping into things and he started to withdraw communications by about 90%. He wanted to break up with me and wait for 1 year before he finish his studies and if he would relocate to Sigapore. In Any Case, being in a Long Distance Relationship as it is, I began to be clingy and I missed him like crazy everyday and would cry non stop, I did state my feelings to him and I think he got frightened even more. However, initially he said he would not reject me, he loved me, he would not leave me, he would not hurt me in anyway and so on.

On Nov 2, when I was in New Zealand for a holiday, after reading his FB post, he seemed upset with work or something and I tried to call him one morning but he was with a colleague and he did not pick up and next thing I knew it, he texted me over MSN and said, I am going crazy and my mind is wondering everywhere and he would never talk to me or pick up my calls ever again. He said good bye and he blocked me in MSN, FB and every damn thing there is on the internet and refused to take my calls, answer my sms or even email. What is the most tragic thing is on Nov 4, I got involved in a horrific car crash in NZ where the car flipped like 3 times and I got a laceration on my head and had 3 stitches. During the 2 hour ordeal to be sent to hospital, I cried like as if I lost a father or a mother, I was alone in a foreign country with a friend who is as emotionaless as a block of wood and he is the driver! I was too angry to speak to him. What happened was that when I was crying like no one;'s business, I was crying because I missed my Dad and my Mum and of course I am not over the breakup, so I cried so much for my ex.

Came back to Singapore, of course I was devastated, and I could not let him go, was miserable for months and started to call all the psychics in CP, Winter, Abrielle, London, Uli, Jacqueline, etc etc all the top psyhics all told me yes he would come back, he was not ready, things happened too fast, yada yada yada. I even went to seek a local friend advise and she said that we shared 20 lifetimes together and I believe that he is my SM because of this. And all the positive stuff, I was clinging to all kinds of hope. I was so attached to him and started to talk to my friends and complain non stop about how he hurt me, how bad I felt, and I was hoping that someone pull me out of my misery, one by one each of them left me alone and they did not know what to talk or tell me. I was even called a "A Pussy Fishing for Sympathy" and I never spoken to a few people ever since. The relationship was so sour until I was wondering what the hell is happening. Is he worth all my attention and effort and so many relationship with my friends damaged in one way or another? That insult spurred me to see a counsellor, subconsciously, I was determined to get out of this mess after 3 months.

The last straw came this week. He was in Singapore for the past weekend and he did not even bother to contact me. I wrote an angry sms to him which said, I heard you are in Singapore and you did not look me up meant something. Do you really hate me that much and are you happy that you finally got rid of me? I maybe rush and clingy but I really loved you and is willing to wait for you. Please go reflect on yourself if you can be a relationship and be committed to someone, to me you are just a hypocrite. You are a fucking selfish man and dont ever say you do things for others, because you don't. Whatever that you said is all false aand you are thinking for yourself, just because you are afraid of emotions does not give you the right to treat others this way. And to think that I almost died in NZ indirectly because of you. But if you are really happy now, I really wished you all the best.

After FOUR FUCKING MONTHS, after this spiteful SMS, he finally replied. He said he could not believe he is replying. He came to Singapore with a group of friends and even if he wanted to, he would not be able to meet me (Fucking Liar, is it so hard to meet for supper?) U can say or think whatever you want but he would say this, he has given up on relationships (Its not only me, but with his ex of 4 years, he faced the same problems with me) , and perhaps his decision to listen to his friends to stop communicating with you makes him a selfish asshole but right now, my reaction proves that they were right. All the best to you and no more.

It seemed that it is all gone and what all the top Ps in CPs were all wrong, nothing is to happen to us anymore and people like tarot lady and maggie white were right, he simply ain't worth it. I do not know what to feel anymore. I do not know if I should be depressed, angry, or a stone is finally off my chest. Do I deserved to be treated this way? Is loving someone so hard? Is it wrong to be clingy and missing someone in a LDR? I am not sure what to do from here. I am talking to someone from the internet for a week almost everyday, but I stayed far away from emotions and chatted like friends, webcam and all. He was in toronto, and he flew back this early dawn hours. I finally met him in person today and we went for lunch and a movie. In the movie, we held hands, I feel comfortable talking to him and we could really chat. I do not know what the future enholds or I am ready for a relationship with him again. I am not sure he is nice because he too is lonely or looking for company or looking for fun. Besides he is talking to other people and Maggie White and someone else said he is a passing phase.

I do not know whether to believe in Psychics anymore. I am not sure if they just want our money. I am not sure if they can tell the future. Kira did a reading for me and it does not have good hopes for my ex and similar to this guy I am talking to, it is a passing phase, and I really do not know what will happen. Now I feel like shit and not sure how to move on or react to my ex.But deep inside I still love him and yearn for him to come back but by judging the situation it is impossible. After some cooling down, I wrote to him, do not give up on relationship even I am not the one for him, do not risk the chance of happiness with someone who is worthy of his time effort and love. I won't hate him and I wish him all the best. I tried to cry hard like I did previously, but I could not, I just could not, and not sure what I should do for now moving on. Anyone any views? Any ideas?

positivethoughts:
fmradio - I FEEL your pain. My only gut reaction is that since he responded 4 month's later, he still thinks about you. BUT - we can't fix broken people. We can only fix ourselves.

I can feel your loss and the feeling of longing and it sucks.
glad you told us you're a guy. We need more guys
xxoo
PT

fm:
haha how does it matter if I am a guy or not ? :P

positivethoughts:
One other thing - I called Ellen Hartwell (great psychic - suggestion of aef) and something she said to me was very interesting. A SM breakup is simply horrible. No one is going to understand how you feel - especially rational friends who never experienced it.

I read another story that said some SM's reunite 10 years after a breakup. It is our decision if we want to sit and torture ourselves, or move on, heal and meet someone new. Maybe I am too believing but if all of the CP's said he is a SM, I would think he probably is. You can't just move on from a soul mate easily. I was able to 'move on' pretty quickly from my ex-husband of 14 years - father of my 3 kids who I have to still see a few times a week.   Can you imagine if he was my SM? It would be torture but I feel very little when I see him. There is a difference. After my ex-husband and I split, it took me 4-5 month's and then I was able to start dating and eventually met someone who "rocked my world". Not the case after a SM breakup.........

But I also think once a karmic lesson has been taught, the SM relationship can end. I don't know - other people know a lot more about this then I do.

Just my 2 cents.
pt

cm12345:
fm-- If he contacted you after four months, it would appear that he still thinks about you.  No, you don't know what will happen in the future but right now, you have to heal yourself so if he ends up coming back to you , you will be ready.  I know this sucks and the waiting and wondering is hard, but I feel it is a way to help you work on yourself and be okay with you!!!  Good luck, thanks for sharing your story. 

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