I usually spend my whole paycheck on readings. At least the last year I have. I live in a really small town and it’s so hard to find a real connection. I found one but he has a lot of serious problems. That was something I couldn’t accept and let go. It’s hard to let a soul connection go. We’re talking serious addiction and mental health. Rehab then almost dying in the ICU for three weeks due to withdrawals. Been months since we’ve connected and really spoken or seen each other. But I would still get readings: he loves you, he’s coming back, etc etc. maybe that’s true, I don’t know. But the space I held for him took up all of the space.
So, about a month + ago I went back on the dating apps. I started talking to one guy as a way to slowly distract myself. I’m currently on an adventurous three week tour of Mexico. I can work and travel. I did take a vacation week. I actually met someone here I’ll spend the last week of my trip with. I can finally say I’m open to exploring a connection again and being present. Meanwhile my obsession has been interacting with my socials of course. Texting some. Enough to make me realize how it affects me because I do love him. I’d hold on to those things - oh he loves me. Oh he misses me. But in the end it’s just not fair to me or enough.
Anyway I’ve had one reading with Karen Jo in a few weeks. I’m proud of that. I’ve spent money on travel and amazing experiences. It’s enough time out of my routine to help break the addiction. My plan is to come home and rapidly pay off debt and continue traveling.
I think this trip is helping me understand that I create my future. That the addiction is really just fear and waiting for something to happen to me. It’s fear of me going out into the unknown and allowing life to happen.
