Sai, I hadn't logged into this site for many months but your thread spoke so strongly to me. I've rarely felt so affected by reading another person's posts and want to send you empathy and support.
In 2019, started to get readings compulsively. I continued on and off for a few years, but one "POI" in particular was the catalyst who sparked my interest in readings and also the person on whom I spent the most money. So much of what you have written resonates with me. I spent so much time and energy trying to make sense of why a man would tell me that I was his soulmate if he didn't want to fully commit. This would just eat away at me, and sometimes I felt like if I would follow the advice of the psychics, I would do everything "right" and then he would be fully mine. The reality is that there is no answer since many people say things that they don't fully mean. (I would bet that you're a person who does not do that and means what she says.) I would sit around and review the "evidence" for why he MUST be the one for me... he said X, Y, and Z and did A, B, and C... just endlessly seeking reassurance from myself and from readers when, deep down, I knew it wasn't actually going to work.
Psychic addiction is especially cruel because you don't get anything to show for spending thousands of dollars on someone. I mostly read on Keen and also never found someone who was accurate with the bigger picture.
The cold hard truth is that the person for you will not drive you to an addiction with psychics, even if you are an anxious person. He just won't, because he will care for you and reassure you enough to where you don't need to check in with others about it to such an extent.
Like you, I also got to the point where I started using psychics more as therapists than as psychics -- what you wrote about having that nonjudgmental space is so true. Swallowing the financial reality of using them as therapists is tough, though (paying $100 for like a ten minute phone call).
Sit out the urge the best you can when you feel that you need a reading and keep your platform accounts closed, since they prey on impulsivity. Maybe "treat" yourself to a flat-rate reading on occasion that you've booked in advance if you feel that giving up readings altogether is too difficult.
I wish the very best for you, and as cliche as it is to write -- you deserve better.
