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Let’s go back and talk about limerence but with attachment styles

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Mina:
So there’s the crappy childhood fairy who deals more with CPTSD (complex/ childhood post traumatic stress disorder) … and I did find some of her stuff helpful.

Probably the only person who talks about limerence being positive is Coach Lee- which he deals with getting back with your ex gimmicky relationship advice. However, I do enjoy him! He’s helped me a lot with not giving into reaching out if that’s your goal. On the side is his coach Ken- whom I also love. Never bought their stuff but I enjoy their talks when I’m white knuckling thru it and need to remind myself why I should go into no contact.

Well my new self pyramid development cult is this lady: Thais Gibson. Her thick painted eyebrows make some valid points!

Unmet needs thru future possibility a person could have provided! oh. Oh! OH!

Now I do hate this word “ limerence “ and there are so many definitions. Plus, I’ve been tossed around the therapy world with Pia Melody books since the early 2000s of love addiction and codependency books, not understanding but kinda relating, it’s enough to make me gag… but with psychic dependency/addiction I do see how much I want the fantasy of my wish fulfilled, and how psychics continue the story or build this fantasy, that leads to attachment to said fantasy or possibility of some elusive reality. Psychic attachment when future focused creates an unhealthy attachment to that future. It’s tight grip, and when reality does NOT meet that, when one is forced to confront that (or when I have been forced to see that my reality does not match my fantasy) it send me into emotional spiral.

It worth a look here are two of her videos that helped me yesterday realize “oh that’s why I dated that ex after that ex and couldn’t let go!”

And yes I did sign up for the free week self development program… which will probably be my new self development cult if I can’t continue therapy.

https://youtu.be/CNGJEBXmZjA?si=g5uIcooVnnHxcHJV

https://youtu.be/WGvd98u5rUk?si=XC1hBdyPVTjBpmtB

Mina:
Wow! I am enjoying the free 7 day course of this stuff but it is intense. I went thru a couple videos one day then had to walk away half day because I was just processing so much. MmmAnd out of fear I was doing too well … sorta got drunk 👀 to self sabotage?

But it blows my mind and I feel like I have been saying the same thing over these last few days: I feel my ex/SP/POI just honestly filled so many unmet needs from feeling seen, validated, approved, justified or the ILLUSION that he could!  And in so many areas of my life: work, religion and play like no wonder I do not want to let go. And I think just bringing awareness in that has been so helpful!

I see that I am both a fear avoidant, and anxious preoccupied attachments style. My ex came off as dismissive avoidant - and yet our chemistry was probably so intense because we were both filling out stuff we were not getting from our selves from each other. -Ugh, I hate that I probably do sound like I just joined a cult of new words.

Ooofff the kicker with dismissive avoidant - for them to feel “no contact” to “work” that makes them feel it’s effectiveness of missing you is in the 3-6 month range… now not all of these solid truths. They are observation styles of attachments of theory. (Also it worth noting I don’t think Thai Gibson is licensed therapist- I’m not sure, but I think she came out of the Tony Robbin’s quick weekend school… she’s mentioned some of his stuff) and I’m not fan of labeling ppl and sticking to it “oh they’re narcissists!” Or “They’re love language is this.” Because it kind of does hinder growth if one is too attached to such labels. I think label can help compartmentalize put in a shelf but it’s not the end all be all of human.

Probably what’s very interesting I was doing an inventory of what psychics fill for me and it is this need for certainty/safety but ALSO my uncertainty/excitement for change. For me, yes! I crave certainty for the safety, trust, and guarantees of tomorrow but I also crave the a uncertainty or the opportunity for things to surprise me (even though I hate it)

Ugh… but okay some other work: how do I give that, and those qualities to myself to feel secure and valued in myself?

I just feel a little more clearer and wanted to share if ppl have ever brought the phrase “have you thought could be in limerence?” To perhaps consider what areas of your life are you neglecting yet getting from the person or THINK you could get …and it’s very interesting

Mina:
Yet…Another video about limerence

https://youtu.be/y_jzKWiLdE0?si=g1D27Rc5jyDBS0e2

But this really blew my mind about when I mistook even in my 30s… now 40 the times I mistook limerence to love

And in a way I see how I used psychics and readings to self regulate with the fantasy of the object/person of my affection

Because well honestly yes going into readings can fulfill fantasy aspect or romanticizing a relationship that’s not there. (And for me, what my therapist pointed out, without judgement and in super compassionate way- how much am I feeding into working for a relationship/the object of my affection versus how much they are reflecting back. Is that energetically matching? … and even same with psychics how much of my money am I putting into this versus how much am I getting back? Am I getting frustrated with readings because it’s not matching my ideal situation? Am I fighting that?)
 
Ugh I found myself crying but courageously still listening. I listened to another video of hers and it’s definitely interesting.

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