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Joining the lent bandwagon

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Tjk197901:
Mina, don’t be discouraged. First and foremost I find it positive that you share when you have,”failed” if that wha5 you would even call it. As a very faithful Christian man, who has had horrible psychic binges in the past I get it, it almost feels like a kick in the nuts, or that is how it feels to me that is.  I have been really really good about not getting readings, and trust me I want them! I moved 900 miles from my home as you may remember and I still don’t have a job!! It’s so upsetting that a man with my resume can’t get a job, yet I’m now considered a senior interviewer now. I’m 44, wtf does senior and 44 have in common? Oh well I guess I am interviewing with much younger people and truthfully I think they fear my experience and their job itself. Regardless I struggle as much as we all do but I just pray and pray and pray. I curse and swear at God as well. I get down right pissed off at him and I make sure he knows it. Afterwards I feel much better. Anyways glad to hear that you are trying different things other than these stupid ass readings that draw us back for more and more. Keep me posted.

Mina:
I’m working thru day 5
And there’s been a lot of “valleys”

However, I am grateful because no I’m not working it alone… I know there are others here, and that great Force. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. And thank you for those who have reached out!

This time has also been about putting down obsessive manifesting techniques. And yes some have worked and some have given me “okay” manifestations but the manifestations I had not only God with me, but blessed them, on top. Those are rock solid, good. That truly felt like “he who made the stars calls me by his name.” I felt so seen and I was absolutely not forgotten. And I didn’t have to affirm “I am chosen” or “I am enough”; it was miracle!

I think it’s gets so twisted. My biggest fear has been okay God I surrender this person to you; I fear you’re going to take them away. But I do think my desires and God’s desire are on the same coin. But you can’t exactly focus on your way? Or your will? Ppl in manifesting Neville Goddard groups justify this one claiming God gives us desires … well true; but we’re molded from it. So for me at this start of this my prayers were: May my desires and Gods desire meet… to now “okay God I’m ready, your desires your will be done. Can I trust you?” And that’s huge step for me

I think one of my favorite qualities by the person I have for - was just how seen I felt in that relationship… and since November I have felt “yes I can see me”  I can give me those things… but I also am learning to tune into that force that he who made the stars calls me by his name. That’s the force that sees me more.

And reflecting on an advisor who gave me terrible news, can’t verify it, could be true, could be not, then hung up… ugh! So many of those moments… it hurts, and I don’t do alone… I guess this is surrendering.

Mina:
Whew
I was so exhausted yesterday! For about 3 days I’ve been getting in line for an advisor and then listen to a Catholic inspirational talk… and then get out of the line, close my account, and cry to ground.

It is truly exhausting! My body feels tired and soul just feels like fighting.

It started to lift because I got some movement for work, as far as, paperwork goes. So I just submitted the paperwork- I reminded myself if I get this job it’s by the grace of God. Surrender. And if I don’t it’s by grace God to trust I will be provided for. Surrender

I then found some news about mutual friend/acquaintance who passed away who knows my current ex … ugh both my exes. 😑 And my heart is heavy because I don’t think I was liked much by this person, yet I wanted their approval so bad. I then learned about vanity: Vanity Is the inordinate preoccupation of what ppl think me… and that’s what I do with manifesting or psychics; try to figure out ppl actions, thoughts, intentions and fit myself to where I could fit… and that’s so exhausting too. My ppl pleasing I must admit have been vain efforts.

I reached out to friend to confess how this feel… they asked if I would use this as an excuse to reach out to any of my exes… and at first I definitely wanted to but I see now no. I didn’t even want to say anything but I felt to say something short to social community. I continue my prayers for this person who passed away, and loved ones who were touched by this person life. And again surrender

But it doesn’t feel heavy like yesterday
I don’t feel tempted to ask about funeral services, go fund me stuff, or ask if my exes will reach out … it hurts but I feel stronger that I can surrender a little bit more trust

I felt it was really important to share that YES how exhausting it is to quit, feel like I failed but try again.

To truly surrender my manifesting “wills”, and my reassurance with psychics. That I keep breaking and no it is not easy… but I do find peace focusing on the cross of Jesus and knowing that no I cannot do it alone; it is by God’s grace.


I truly believe my will and God’s are on the same coin of life; so when it seems like God says no it does not mean my desires do not matter God, or I am being punished, or it’s being taken away from me. It is to lean in, for God is truly close to brokenhearted. Your desires and mine are very precious to God, to let myself (and maybe you; if you’re open to) have God access all of it. So I again I give my will, my resentment, my vanity seeking, my joy, my shortcomings, my joy, my sadness, my love, my hate, my exhaustion and my strengths … again all of me, to God and trust in that grace.

sai07:
Good for you, Mina! It is def a process. Hanging in there with you.

Notacrystalfreak:
How did this post get 7000 views

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