Just an update, last month I made a small amount of progress with getting maybe 6-7 readings total. I know that may still sound like a lot but for someone who has had more frequency of readings and who has kept adding and deleting the app and was so anxious, it was a cutback. I still spent quite a bit of money out of anxiety. I deleted the notes of all the advisors except for one. I am interested in seeing what happens but for the rest, it was not worth it. I removed all of them off from my favourites and have zero intentions of going back. I have also not tried any new readers, as addicts usually do...if one doesn't say it right maybe the other will...I don't believe I will hear of a better outcome tbh and I don't think anything anyone will say will be accurate. Most psychics do not get things 100% right and I don't want to play the whack-a-mole game anymore.
I still don't how how to sit in my feelings and accept what is happening around me. I have tried praying, admittedly, I am not there yet spiritually. The only reason I go to readers is b/c I desperately want my POI to be mine. Though for the last couple days, I feel defeated, and feel like a part of me is in denial. I have so much anxiety when he doesn't text. I'm not in the most stimulating job and have been looking for something new for almost a year now. I also have a chronic illness. My POI is my bright spot. He makes the pain better. That said, a part of me is coming to the realization that he may not end up with me, no matter how bad I want it to happen.
I have to be in a better place. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. I am going to continue working on myself and hopefully somewhere and somehow the right person comes into my life and stays. I know people say, oh you will meet the one, but I have single aunts and single friends into their 40s+ now - amazing women who have not found someone. That scares me. It scares me b/c as wonderful as a person can be, they can end up being alone. You could say people are alone in marriages too, and yes, that's a different struggle. I don't want to compare the two though, they are not exactly the same.
Embracing the uncertainty and the probability of not being with the one you love is scary but also I know psychics won't be able to get me to my end goal. It is going to take an enormous amount of resiliency and mental strength on my part. And that is what I am working on.