Create your own destiny...

[Amaranth]

I'm putting this topic in this section, because really, it's a debate between an accurate 'prediction' and free will.  I just want to see what other people think about this subject matter.

As many of you know, all my readings revolve around 2 people- my ex fiance who after 10 years together and buying a brand new home together, just disappeared one day 2 years ago, disconnecting his cell phones and sent me an email a month later telling me he didn't want me in our home for now.  Recently, I have been living with my parents, while everything I own ( clothes, furniture, dogs, one of my cars ) sits in 'our house' over 500 miles away.

The other person I call about was what I THOUGHT was my best girlfriend, who late last year, decided she was tired of me being depressed, and she cut off our friendship, calling me some pretty horrible, terrible things and effectively pushing me over the edge to the point I was hospitalized for depression.  I just couldn't take any more rejection and abandonment.

Anyway, every reading I have had except for one storefront reading says my girlfriend will eventually apologize to me for her behavior, and we will renew our friendship.  I have tried to stay positive, but over the last 7 months since the blow-up, the hurt has easily turned into anger and resent.

Anyway, everyone's dates for contact have been wrong so far.  I haven't heard from her.  And I've been told not to reach out to her.  We have a mutual friend, who is my ex fiance's ex best friend.  I have known this mutual friend for 15 years.  I introduced him to my girlfriend in the first place, and she's barely known him 2 years.

Altho our mutual friend's loyalty lies with me when it gets right down to it, he doesn't want to be caught in the middle, and continues to talk to my girlfriend.  I'm not one to tell people who they can and can't be friends with, but I can't help but feel irked about it.  Part of me feels slightly betrayed that he didn't like, chew her out at least for how cruel and nasty she was to me. 

Well, in my readings with Cookie back in March, she accurately gave the last name of our mutual friend, and the city he lived in.  She told me that in May we would actually have a fight over the issue with my girlfriend, and that she saw me 'trying to hold my tongue to avoid the conflict' but that it would eventually come out.

Well, all this time I have been 'irked', but have decided it's not worth fighting my guy friend about.  He's consistently there for me otherwise.  However, just this week I happened to stop by a social site where we all used to post journals and crap, and saw him and my girlfriend going back and forth all buddy buddy, and my girlfriend saying to him: 'you're one of my best friends.  Thanks for being there for me and being so awesome!'  It annoyed me to no end, because I've been friends with this guy for 15 years, and she met him THROUGH ME and has only known him 2 years, yet she acts so damn familiar.  I'm just the chopped liver out of the picture.  Glad I could bring you two together, ingrates.

Anyway, I was so fired up that I called his cell phone, but he was working and unable to pick up.  It might have been a blessing, because I may have only ended up damaging our friendship with my anger and hurt.  He sent me a quick text about missing my call, but that he would call me on my birthday, which is a few days away.  And now I'm sitting here again, thinking, it's my birthday, I'm going to be spending it alone because all the people I love abandon me, and it just made my blood boil over the situation with my girlfriend again and how callous she was, and how it frustrates me that he can't seem to see her wrongs.  And then I got to thinking about what Cookie had told me, and I'm sitting here thinking when he calls on my birthday, I just may not pick up in order to avoid confrontation.  I just KNOW that somehow, someway, my anger and hurt will cause me to bring up the situation with my girlfriend, and how bitter I feel that he's 'okay with what she did and is totally buddy buddy with her, yet he wants to rip off my fiance's head for hurting me'.

I realize this is getting long and rambly, but how many of you think this is a prediction of Cookie's actually coming through, or mere coincidence?  Was it really just coincidence that I stumbled across a social site that made my blood boil over this whole situation when I've mostly been doing well with 'moving on'?  Am I trying to avoid talking to my guy friend now because that's the way it's gonna go, or BECAUSE I'm taking control of my destiny based on what Cookie said?

Interested in your guys' opinions.  I'll eventually edit all my information out of this post at a later date, as I don't want so much info about my situation  on her with the amount of readers that check in here.  I had one reading where a reader repeated back to me WORD FOR WORD the exact things I wrote in one of my posts :p

Thanks guys, and sorry for my curt post.  Just been under a good deal of stress about this and depressed about my birthday coming up ( my ex-fiance's just passed last week.  So it's kind of a bitter month ).

[wishfulthinker]

@Amaranth - I'm sorry to hear about all of the pain your ex-fiance and friend have put you through.  My advice - (it's only worth 2 cents) is to pull your energy back away from all three of these people. 
I can only imagine your frustration at your friend for still being close with this other woman.  It is a sense of betrayal.  I would really examine why you feel this need to still connect with them.  You sound like such a kind person.  Put that energy into yourself in positive ways.  It is hard sometimes to pull ourselves back from situations that cause us pain. 
If necessary, tell your friend how you feel, but don't let his response be the end all, be all.  If he thinks you are such a great friend, why isn't he more upset that this other woman has deserted you in your time of need.  I would stay away from chat rooms, etc. where you see their interaction because it is only going to make you more upset.
You can still be friends with him, just don't let it be center stage of your life. I get angry at myself sometimes when I find myself giving my power away to other people. 
Wishful
 

[sunandmoon]

I'm not going to comment on the prediction but I am going to say this - as a friend. 

I did much the same as you (though on purpose). I found things my ex had posted online, found him chatting on FB with people when he "didn't have time" to talk to me because he'd been "soooooo busy", I even got into his fb account and was appalled at what I found in there. And ya, it really hurts to see these posts go back and forth for hours when I'd sit there and think, wow you didn't even have time to send me ONE lousy email or text on my bday yet you can fb with this person all night long.

I have also found that what you see online is not necessarily the truth of what a person really is. I'm sure all of us have written a PC comment to someone while in our heads we are thinking something different. Truth be told, this girl may really be feeling as she's writing but you can't be sure your other friend is too especially if you've been so close for so long and he's still treating you decently. And you're right, you don't want to put him in the middle so it's good that you bite your tongue!

I would take what you find online with a grain of salt. And I agree with the others that you should pull your energy away from them.

And why can't you get your stuff from your house? Legally you should be able to! My apologies if you posted this in the past but I guess I missed it.

[positivethoughts2]

Amaranth

First of all, Happy Birthday

I have an opinion about the bff but it has nothing to do with Cookie. And please know I say this with love.......

The BFF has shown her true colors while the chips were "down". As hurtful and sad as it is, she probably isn't the type of person that deserves YOU. My guess is that you haven't heard from her due to her own GUILT. She should feel guilty. Is she really a friend you want for the long haul? Life throws us curve balls and you want a BFF who will be there for you. Not go running. But I'm sure she will come back around and when she does you can decide what to do then.

Regarding the guy friend, he is a guy. Guys typically don't get involved with this stuff and you saying something to him will just make things worse - and he might tell your bff.

Meditate on letting her go and forgiving her. Take 10 minutes a day. Birthday's suck
PT

[newlyPsychicAddicted]

Hey Amaranth First of all happy birthday....


i just wanted to let you know that i have read many of your old posts and it is my genuine opinion that i find you a beautiful person inside!!! dont let you bff spoil your health or your birthday... you deserve some one much better in your life..............as of prediction i do think that maybe cookie was correct... who knows...

[Amaranth]

Thanks so much for all of your feedback so far, guys.  I promise that unless overtly rude, I won't get offended and I really appreciate you guys taking the time to read thru my long post and leaving feedback.

As for the ex- yes, legally I can call the police and be escorted to the house and allowed to collect my things.  There are 2 reasons why I hold off- 1 is that it's a half million dollar home filled to the gills with 'things'.  Most of the furnishings are mine as well as all my clothes, personal items, and the 1 of my 2 cars that had to be left behind.  Staying with my parents I have absolutely nowhere to put the furnishings especially, and being currently unemployed, can't afford the amount of storage space I would need to hold it all for an indefinite amount of time.  As it stands, I'll have to end up selling off most of it. 

And 2- I only found out last year that my ex was institutionalized and diagnosed severe bipolar, and he is extremely unbalanced and suicidal.  My fear of showing up at the house in a traumatizing fashion may push him over the edge.  I know he is capable of it.  Early in our relationship he put a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.  By some miracle of God ( which caused him to embrace Christianity ), the gun jammed.

As much as what my ex did hurt me and almost destroyed me, I forgive him because I know he is unwell and not in his right mind.

On to the BFF- believe me guys- my common sense tells me that she is not a good person and doesn't even deserve my forgiveness.  I have given her thousands of dollars to help thru financial troubles and never once asked for any of it back.  She has issues of her own ( highly aggressive, anxious, goes to therapy regularly ) and I never once judged her for it nor turned my back on her.  So it hurts so bad that she couldn't give back what I gave in terms of emotional support.

Believe me, I started out with a lot of pain and sorrow- but every day it's replaced more and more with resent.  I don't want resent in my life either, so I've been focusing more on forgiveness and letting it go ( it's just been a bad month that makes you reflect on all those who aren't there for you ).

I'm definitely miffed at our mutual male friend for being so lax on her and not giving her what for, but I do know I can trust him and that last December when she tried to bad-mouth me and said he should watch his back around me, he told her to mind her own business and that she wasn't allowed to speak to him about me.  I just find it frustrating that he wants to twist my ex's head off ( the very person who was once his best friend and roommate for many years ) and yet that's the one person I forgive, but he doesn't feel the same way about my BFF.  It's still not worth losing his friendship as truthfully, he is the only person who has always stood by me, even when I've been in the wrong.  I just have severe, deep-rooted abandonment and rejection issues ( BPD ) and I have this paranoia she'll one day convince him to turn his back on me.

Anyway, there's a little bit more of the meat to the issues at hand.  Like every one here, I know in my head we are better than the people we call psychics about; it's our hearts that have a hard time letting go.  Part of us wants justice.  Part of us wants closure.  Part of us wants to know we're good enough to come back to.  In the long run, those are answers no psychic  can give us.  It's found within.

[SomethingBetter]

First off...Happy Birthday!!!

Secondly, it does seem, at least to me, like Cookie accurately described something that is in the process of happening and you are able to adjust your response to him in an appropriate manner.

I mean, that is what we should be going to psychics for, if we go at all...for a heads up. Cookie gave you a heads up and now you are aware and can make a conscious decision about how to respond in return. And maybe ignoring his call for a bit will be best .

I know how it feels being betrayed by your best friend. I'm in the same boat myself . But I realize this person is not on my level,  spiritually or emotionally, to be in my sphere. And you know...I feel great w/out her toxicity. It hurts now and again, but I'll be fine. And so will you.

I can understand how you're miffed at the mutual friend too. Again...I'm in the same boat. But as a man, he probably doesn't look at the situation in the same light as us women do.

Again, happy birthday to you, Amaranth and good luck

[SunshineStarlette]

 Happy Birth Day!!!!!! hope you get to enjoy your bday

[sunandmoon]

Not sure when your actual bday is, but Happy Birthday just the same! 

About toxic people, 2 years ago I met a girl on a board. We were in a similar situation and started emailing. I found her a little "off" at times, she'd fixate on the oddest things, she is extremely opinionated (possibly due to age). There were times I wasn't sure why I was talking to her but my life was such a mess! Last summer she went off on me in an incredibly horrible way. At that point I decided I didn't need someone so toxic in my life and stopped responding to her emails (she actually didn't email me for awhile after her blowup).

At the same time I was dealing with my ex's mother who is in a nutshell, a drama queen. Yes, I loved talking with her as it brought me "closer" to my ex (like that did me any good) but geez, some days it was just one thing after another with her and they were so predictable! Once she complained to a mutual friend that she hadn't come over to visit in awhile, and that friend told her she was too negative and she was trying to avoid negative people in her life. Of course the ex's mom called me and complained about that - while I was appalled that our friend said it it her, inside I absolutely got it! Once I started to see my bf, I really didn't want to spend an hour or more a day talking to her and have really cut down on the calls.

I feel a bit guilty as is my nature to do, but I do feel as if huge weights have been lifted off me! It's hard to let go of people that have been good to you in the past, or have helped you, but if this girl is showing her true colors and it's not in your favor, maybe you have to graciously back away. I know it's hard to let go, and you feel betrayed but it is really healthier for you.

BTW you mentioned BPD (and I will edit this later if you want). We believed my ex had it - high functioning. Once I researched it, a lot of his mannerisms made total sense. I actually thought maybe he was bipolar at one point but I completely offended his sister when I asked her if he had issues in school or something, so I never brought it up again to anyone in the family. If you can, I would surely do counseling even if it's only for the issues for your old gf!

I do wish you all the best! <hugs>

[Amaranth]

@SunandMoon:

Thanks for sharing your experience!  I hope you have some better luck when it comes to the people you deal with in your life- I wish that for all of us.

As for BPD, it has a core, central definition: 'chronic feelings of emptiness', and it can vary in extremity.  People with the worst cases tend to be manipulative and compulsive liars, and others are dissociative and some seem to be removed from reality ( good example is that famous case where the girl was convinced all her bones had turned to powder and kept requesting x-rays, believing she no longer had a skeleton ).  Typically, symptoms are triggered by being abandoned or rejected, whether real or perceived.

I did see a therapist already ( especially after what my BFF did, because I just couldn't handle another huge abandonment/rejection so soon after my ex ).  Luckily,  they determined l already have mine pretty well under control: symptoms only appear when I am in end a prolonged period of stress and trauma, especially when I have been rejected by someone I loved so much.  Changing my patterns  of thinking has really been liberating, and really, no one can tell I have a 'personality disorder' unless I tell them.  Of course, once in awhile it creeps up on me, like this month where I'm suddenly worried our mutual male friend is 'going to leave me behind, too'.  That's why I'm thinking of ignoring his phone calls for awhile actually, because I don't want to have an emotional outburst based on my paranoia that he is turning away, and then therefore, I push him away and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

As I have mentioned before, most Empaths are BPD.  You can find several articles about this online linking the two

[sunandmoon]

Now that is interesting about the empaths! I never knew that

You did mention T in the past, sorry I forgot about that! I enjoy my T sessions very much and wish I could afford them more. It's nice to have someone neutral to talk to no matter what is going on in your life!

I don't let many people in my life as I've always been an loner. Just seems that when I do lately - ugh!!!

I sure hope this all works out for you, it's a very difficult situation! I'd have a hard time moving back with my parents - I give you a lot of credit for that right there!