This is my update...but I am not sure how to process the outcome

[optx88]

Hello Everyone!

My computer has been broken for over 2 weeks and I was not able to log in under my original account...so I had to create a new one.

I have also been in a weird place.  I had been stressed and worried that once hockey season was over...I would not hear from my ex.  Well...I still heard from him and I was just getting more and more frustrated because I felt like I was sinking further into the unknown...and nothing was being mentioned about getting together and they my head just went into weird places...I just needed to know.  So I just took matters into my own hands.

The following readers told me that come June the converstaion would pick up and that towards the end of June we would have talked things over and things will pick up between come mid July and we would be working slowly towards a relationship.

They also all said that he seems to be struggling with something deep inside...struggling with eveyday stuff...career...direction...next steps...etc.  The stresses were not about me or another individual.

To be completely honest with you all...when I decided to take matters into my own hands...nothing that these readers (or others) played a factor into my thoughts or feelings until the day after I saw him.

Even though I was so nervous that once the hockey season was officially over...I would be too...I will say that the conversations were picking up and there was definitely some flirting (confirmed this with some of my friends) and he even sent me a picture :-)  The bike ride was mentioned...but nothing was set in stone or came about because of the weather...so far I was feeling very good and very positive about things and I was trying my best to stay in that positive state of mind...but frustration was working its way in because I finally got to a point that I was ready to ask him where this is going and I was ready to hear the answer.

I asked him again if he wanted to get together and he agreed and we met for dinner last Sunday.  It was so good to see him.  He looked so handsome and sexy and I must say that I looked cute as well   He greeted me with a hug and kiss on the cheek and he just kept complimenting me.  The conversation flowed nicely through dinner.  He told me a little of what's been going on.  He said that turning 40 was really hard for him..etc.

After dinner we walked out to our cars and he just leaned on the car and we continued talking.  He just kept staring at me...in a really nice way....not the way that friends stare at each other.  So I took this opportunity to ask some questions.  We talked about why he originally reached out to me in November...we talked briefly about the breakup...and we talked about what was going on with him now.
It went back to turning 40 and how he is stressing and struggling with what's his next step...where is he going... his job and how it is not what he wants to do but doesn’t know what else he can do other than his art and he would love to make a living off of his art…but he knows that’s not possible…etc…so where to go from here with work and etc. 

He seems to be struggling with decisions on direction in regards to work and just every day stuff (just as they said). I just listened to him and he just sounds like he is just being really hard on himself.  He said he just felt disconnected…like he doesn’t feel anchored…but he is a happy person…just not happy where he is at this moment in his life and would be happier if he knew what direction things were going to move in.
I asked him what his intentions were with me and he just stared at me in silence and said that he hasn’t dated in over a year and doesn’t put himself out there or try.  That he hasn’t been into it in the last couple of years.  (It made me feel better that there isn’t anyone else )
So I took yet another chance…and told him that I thought this was our second chance.  I thought that maybe he wanted to try again.  That I am in no position to jump into a relationship, but that I would have like to take things extremely slow to see where it could go.  He just stared at me in silence and said “we don’t know what the future holds.” And we just stared at each other.

I asked what now….cause when I saw him last in January he disappeared and I heard from him sporadically and he said that we would still see each other and talk.

He kept apologizing for disappointing me.  He was thrown off and he was also taken back by some things that I said about the breakup etc.  He knew he hurt me…but he wasn’t aware how…he didn’t remember.  He kept saying that he was sorry…and that I was always so good to him and so sweet and so nice and I didn’t deserve that…I deserved better.
We both spoke so nicely about things and I was so proud of myself for not breaking down in anyway.  I stayed strong and positive and cracked jokes where needed.

I told him that when I see him I just want to hug him and kiss him but I don’t feel like I am allowed to…and he just stared at me in silence.
He told me that he was thinking of canceling on dinner…I asked why…and he just kept saying he didn’t know.  I asked why he came…and he said because he really wanted to see me.

He gave me a kiss on my cheek good bye and hugged me and wouldn’t let me go.

He asked me If he shouldn’t contact me anymore and I told him I don’t know how to answer that question because I still feel something here and I just need to be all him.  That I can’t be the one to reach out.  I get so happy when I hear from him and sad when I don’t.
He hugged me again and apologized for being such a mess.

I drove away and all I kept thinking was that I will never see him or hear from him again.  I cried for 3 days.  I feel  a little more at peace with myself and I don’t feel tortured….but I thought this was going to have a better ending.

I still don’t know what his intentions were/are with me.  I still don’t know if he feels something for me other than friendship. 
The readers were correct in regards to struggles…but I just don’t see them being correct about the big picture….which then lead me to call some of them to tell them they were wrong  which just made me more confused and aggravated.
.

[optx88]

On Monday I called Jean and Seha.  Jean was the last reader I read with a few weeks back and I knew Seha would remember me.  Seha has also been pretty correct with information and time frames.  I just wanted to let them know they were wrong 

Last I left off with Jean...she told me that I would hear from him by Friday and communication would pick up and that I would see him in about 2 weeks (she was correct)  So I asked her what was going through his mind and what now...she said that he still has his struggles but that he feels really bad.  she said that he feels a lot of remorse and was asking why...but i didn't say.  She said that he has another decision to make that has been thrown on his plate...that its a long road ahead but she sees him coming around by mid to end of July and that we will be together etc.  She told me that he is very self absorbed...self centered...etc..that it is all about him and his problems and his struggles right now...but that he will come around.

I hate that she was right...but she did say that we will be together in a relationship etc and I told her that she was wrong.  That she was correct about the struggles but not about the outcome...so i argued with my psychic lol.

I then called Seha (and she remembered me) and without me saying a word she went right into the reading and said "you just saw him didn't you?  this weekend?" and she said that I am weighing heavily on his mindand that he is still struggling with his everyday stuff.  She saw that we spoke about the past and some things in the present and that this is really good...he seems to have been shaken up by something but it's all good because he will come to some realizations and that he makes his way towards me towards the end of July.  She said all I have to do is sit back and relax and he will come my way shortly and we will start working slowly towards a relationship.

ugh! I was so mad....so I told her too that she was wrong about the outcome and she said that when it comes in so strong she is never wrong...and it is ok for me to be where I am in my head because things will turn around and we will be together.

I'm angry.  I just don't see the big picture...and it is not fair that they can be so right about this little stuff...it makes it just so much harder.

Bottom line is I haven't heard a word from him and huge huge things have happened in the hockey world with our team and he has been silent.  So the way that I look at it is...if I haven't heard from him in regards to the big hockey stuff...then I will never hear from him again.

[cocoapple]

Greengrlx,

Reading your posts it's like reading a sad romantic novel with a bittersweet ending and I think you know it as well that it is what it is, a bittersweet ending.  Trust your instincts.  They are way more accurate than any of the CPs on site.  Like you said, if he hasn't contact you about hockey, like regularly chances are you will not hear from him again.  Maybe this is his way of releasing you because he knows that what he is doing to you is more harm than good.  Your conversation with him that night reflects that.  I know it's cliche but 'it's better to have had than not at all'.  What you guys had was beautiful and to me, this is a nice ending.  Is it a definite ending?  Only time will tell and i don't think calling CPs and asking them what he feels and them telling you what they think you want to hear helps.  I'm in the same situation.  I'm so mad that i called some CPs back to tell them that i don't think they are right about this whole situation and they still insisted that they are correct.  Seha to me, didn't say anything that validates my situation.  All she said was that 'has he told you he loves you?  well, he's going to and that is soon....'  Guess what ladies and gentleman?  That 'soon' has once again came and gone and beyond the original timeframe she gave despite people here saying she's been good with timeframes.  There has been situations where my SM was hanging out in my area, with our mutual friends and guess what?  He didn't contact me at all when he was around town.  Our friends didn't invite me either knowing he was there and i found out only on facebook from the wall msgs.  So like your situation Greengrlx, if them boys are really what the CPs are telling us to be, we would see some actions by now.  Another cliche to throw at you is 'action speaks louder than words' and right now, no action from them speaks everything. 

Some of you may think i'm being negative or being bitter now but unless i see change, i don't trust CPs anymore.  I don't even trust Ellen and her crew either (June is what Arlene gave me and Catarina agreed on as well) but to be fair, i'll give them the benefit of the doubt since times can shift and it's still early July.  But one thing for sure is that i will not waste my time, energy and money to call CPs again telling them that they are wrong because Greengrlx, you and i both know they will sing the same old song again.

Think of it as an ending to a beautiful love story.  It's more romantic to think that you both love each other but it's just that out of circumstances beyond yours and his control that it is not working out.  Not now at least.  That boy needs to figure things out for himself and I know you want to be there and all and support him through but men are not like us.  When there's trouble, stress, and frustration, they retract themselves back to the cave, alone.  Let him be.  Cry as much as you want and need.  Just know the that the sun will still rise and smile at you to greet you to another day, another beginning. 

[Kareena]

green......... I feel it is a past life connection. this is why you can't let go. Honestly, I do not know anyone credible around here who can tell you the truth about this. Might be Miriam on CP.

Usually you would have seen something in the dreams even before you meet the person and also very easy to lose the recollection in the waking stage.



Also check out the Self-Realization center LA websites.

[optx88]

It's all just so confusing.  I agree...I do think that in some way there is a past life connection...but there is just such a connection as we just stand right in front of each other. 

Is it possible for only one person to feel the strong connection but not the other?

I am just kind of bummed out that I haven't heard from him since we had dinner 2 weeks ago.  I don't feel that it's over...but I just keep convincing myself that it is.

I spoke to Nina last week.  She hasn't been wrong with me yet (well I don't count the birthday lol)...but I also needed to call her and tell her that she was actually wrong...but she still holds tight the her prediction and with confidence.  She said that I gave him a lot to think about and that all I did was delay things just a bit.  She sees him reaching out any day and she sees us eventually coming together towards the end of July/beginning of August...but so far...nothing

I just can't call them anymore...I am just done with CP and I am taking this time to heal myself.  If he comes back, great!  If not, then it just sucks!

[optx88]

Coco:
I don't think you were being negative or bitter at all.  In some ways I think that CP can help...but in others...I think it can be so extremely toxic to for us...especially when it comes to love.

No matter what they tell us...life still goes on around us and time still keeps ticking away. 

I don't know how this ended or even if it ended...but I do know I loved that he made me laugh...and I liked the he kept looking at me...and I loved that he hugged me and wouldn't let me go. 

But for now...the time keeps ticking away and I am going to save my money and spend it on other things.