Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Why am I wasting my money?

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Oisin16:
I recently decided to stop waiting or calling about my Ex and I decided also that I did not want him anymore. What hurts me is that in 2019 mostly and 2020i spent nearly 15k in calling psychics for nothing and for a person that never came back and that I’ve never see that he wasn’t good for me also I wasted 3 years waiting for him but not anymore

Qcnm:
One thing I have noticed that is bad is telling yourself “I am just going to focus on myself then if he comes back,he comes back”… because with saying that the door is not completely shut. You will keep wanting to know if the change is possible and when exactly it’s going to happen. We need to close the door completely!

wishes215:
sorry you went through this or are still going through it but Im so glad you shut the door on that. its gonna be tough and you may have your weak moments but you will get thru it. I agree with what others have said - lacking confidence and still involved with the ex both are red flags. don't walk, run:)) btw, I am curious on the heavy hitters you read with - care to share the list:)


--- Quote from: Tiggymo37 on August 05, 2021, 04:18:18 AM ---Hello all,

I don’t post much in here but read the site often and was a long time lurker before becoming a reader. Long story short - I hate that I’ve been relying on psychics for so long. It’s like I just want control over my future and have fear of not knowing what’s next. The issue is, as I’m sure we are all aware, psychics really aren’t actually HELPING. They just being more anxiety, more confusion and more questions. So why do I keep wasting my money?

I’ve spent SO much on psychics.. it’s embarrassing. I’m well past 10s of thousands. I refuse to even look and see how much I’ve actually spent. I try to stick to my few trusted advisors and speak to them a couple times a year. But then something will happen that triggers me to spiral and binge - especially on Keen. My triggers typically have to do with my love life. I feel as though all other aspects of my life are in order but I can’t find that true long-term commitment like I want. I feel I am a great catch and at 32 I’m starting to give up and think I’m doomed for life.

Lately I’ve been binging over this guy I really like. We have been friends for over a year and it really grew into us both having strong feelings for each other. He basically treats me like I’m already his - I get so much of his time and attention, he buys me gifts, is thoughtful and I can talk to him about anything. Not saying he’s perfect - I’d admittedly want more if we were in an actual relationship. Now we’ve talked about the future but he doesn’t feel “worthy” of being with me yet. He kind of places me on a pedestal and thinks I have life all figured out so he feels he’s behind me financially, career wise and just at adulting in general. I was accepting this because I know he’s really been working on himself to get where he wants to be. Since we are long distance, I’ve been okay with the thought that we’d be together in the future.

A few months ago I found out another issue - his ex is not completely out of the picture. This is something he’s been hiding from me so I felt betrayed. They’ve been hanging out occasionally (they are also long distance) and he’s been buying her things as well. How this man has time for her I don’t know but clearly he found some. He told me how they’ve been in a toxic cycle for 5 or 6 years and the relationship has never really been great. She has some type of negative hold on him and is manipulative and he basically doesn’t have the balls to fully walk away. That started my insecurities and distrust - and another binge.

I’ve talked to SO many.. TOO many psychics over this, including the heavy hitters. I’ve really been getting the same story over again - he doesn’t love her anymore, she’s the one trying, they are toxic but will eventually walk away from each other, me and him are meant to be, it’s fate and destiny, because of meeting me he’s really been realizing how a real relationship should work, he’s not ready now but will be and then issue isn’t his ex it’s him needing to get his ish in order. They also said we’ll have some difficulties for a bit until she’s completely out of the picture, he’s going through an epiphany and once he realizes I’m the better choice we will be perfect. Of course there’s more but I feel like it’s all made me stick around longer than need be. The guy has told me I’m perfect for him and he doesn’t know why he has this attachment issue. I’ve been trying to be patient because above all, we are friends. He’s been trying to show me more honesty and stuff to make me feel more at ease but now I found out he lied about something again and I’m just done. Psychics have told me to play it cool and let him figure stuff out. They’ve told me to explore other options and focus on me but still keep him around because we are meant to be married. I just can’t believe them anymore. I told him today I don’t want to be in this situation anymore because I deserve better. I deserve someone that’s ready for me now, someone that won’t lie and someone that has no ties to any exes. After I broke it off with him I called a few psychics. Same ones that fed me all these dreams are saying he’s not the one and I made the right decision. Now I’m just irritated. Why did I call them in the first place? This honestly is making me want to binge again though.

I don’t even know the point of me writing all this lol just needed to vent. I just feel so confused and wish I could just go with the flow of everything but here I am. All I want is love  :'(

--- End quote ---

Tiggymo37:

--- Quote from: x on August 07, 2021, 12:32:52 AM ---I am right there as well: What a waste of money. And still, found myself slipping today. So here are my lists to stay focused. Maybe they can help some others too.

Why a waste of money?:
These people give advice that is superficial because I, and only I, know what is best for me to do.
They embellish telling utter bullshit that confuses me and distracts me from using my own knowledge to figure out what I know and have been shown by actions, which is the most important knowledge when making decision.
They destroy patience and ability to cope with relationship stress, which in turn will destroy a relationship.
Major distraction from getting perspective and doing what I need to do to clear my mind.
They feed my anxiety, intentionally.
They anger me when I place my trust, thus ruining my sense of trust.
They steal my time.

Why do I call?
Poor coping habits.
Putting relationship before myself.
Fear of facing truth and / or going threw process for clarity.
Feel unloved and lonely.

Why is it better not to know?
Because relationships are built on knowing self, intuition, communication, being honest with self, and if a relationship is going to work it is NECESSARY that this foundation be built, and if a relationship is not going to work and be painful it is NECESSARY to use these skills so as to learn, protect self, and not have self destroyed. It is better to be lonely, than to have self utterly destroyed beating head against wall.

When we ask to know things about someone, which they haven't shared, we may be running away from asking self how self feels. Not only does this cause more anxiety, but it will also destroy a relationship. If I want to know, then it is my business to ask, and if it feels inappropriate to ask, then it is my business to figure out how I feel from what I have been told and shown. I am dating one person, not some manipulative lady on the phone.

Great relationships are built on partners having patience, respect, self-fulfilling habits, communication, and self-reflectiveness: Calling these people weakens all of those skills. I want to be a great partner to a great person. I want to know that the relationship can survive stress in a loving way. Interference will sabotage perspective.

There are only a couple I would still call and they are surely the ones that do not embellish, give me cliche advice, nor lay a guilt trip.

How to stop.
Know that one leads to many calls.
Know that it is impossible to separate the bullshit from the not bullshit, so it is all bullshit. Once a liar, always a liar. 
Know that hearing it is giving away my power, causing anxiety, and that resulting free will can have a different outcome.
Know that if someone did that to me, I would feel violated and disgusted. 
If I get hurt and feel triggered, I will tell myself that I can cry about it and then I must wait, for perspective will come going threw the stages of grief, and until I do that, I am unable to come to the table with current partner, nor with someone new. This is how I will find a happier life. This will be the path.
By practicing my coping skills that are taking care of myself, comforting myself, making myself happy, I will not only be available to be a better partner if there is one or am looking for one, but I will also not be sitting around with nothing better to do than to give my power away when I am hurt or scared.

All this is my recovery route, which will take daily practice and affirmation: An experiment in finding greater self-esteem and contentment.

--- End quote ---

I love this, thank you for sharing. Definitely copying and pasting in my notes app for when I’m feeling weak. I really want to get back to only reading with the few people I trust once (maybe twice) a year.

Truthseeker2019:
The psychic business is a hustle, These Psychics are hustling us. Most of these Psychic have no real Gifts or Abilities. Majority of these Psychic rely on cards and there intuition.

I'd say buy a deck of cards and learn tarot Yourself. I have read with Psychics on and off for over 10 years and only a couple Psychics have been accurate.

The reason you call Psychics is because you want answers ,hope , clarity , your lonely and desperate. If you find a psychic whom is Great stay with the psychic don't got binging it's not worth it.

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