Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Why am I wasting my money?

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Tiggymo37:
Hello all,

I don’t post much in here but read the site often and was a long time lurker before becoming a reader. Long story short - I hate that I’ve been relying on psychics for so long. It’s like I just want control over my future and have fear of not knowing what’s next. The issue is, as I’m sure we are all aware, psychics really aren’t actually HELPING. They just being more anxiety, more confusion and more questions. So why do I keep wasting my money?

I’ve spent SO much on psychics.. it’s embarrassing. I’m well past 10s of thousands. I refuse to even look and see how much I’ve actually spent. I try to stick to my few trusted advisors and speak to them a couple times a year. But then something will happen that triggers me to spiral and binge - especially on Keen. My triggers typically have to do with my love life. I feel as though all other aspects of my life are in order but I can’t find that true long-term commitment like I want. I feel I am a great catch and at 32 I’m starting to give up and think I’m doomed for life.

Lately I’ve been binging over this guy I really like. We have been friends for over a year and it really grew into us both having strong feelings for each other. He basically treats me like I’m already his - I get so much of his time and attention, he buys me gifts, is thoughtful and I can talk to him about anything. Not saying he’s perfect - I’d admittedly want more if we were in an actual relationship. Now we’ve talked about the future but he doesn’t feel “worthy” of being with me yet. He kind of places me on a pedestal and thinks I have life all figured out so he feels he’s behind me financially, career wise and just at adulting in general. I was accepting this because I know he’s really been working on himself to get where he wants to be. Since we are long distance, I’ve been okay with the thought that we’d be together in the future.

A few months ago I found out another issue - his ex is not completely out of the picture. This is something he’s been hiding from me so I felt betrayed. They’ve been hanging out occasionally (they are also long distance) and he’s been buying her things as well. How this man has time for her I don’t know but clearly he found some. He told me how they’ve been in a toxic cycle for 5 or 6 years and the relationship has never really been great. She has some type of negative hold on him and is manipulative and he basically doesn’t have the balls to fully walk away. That started my insecurities and distrust - and another binge.

I’ve talked to SO many.. TOO many psychics over this, including the heavy hitters. I’ve really been getting the same story over again - he doesn’t love her anymore, she’s the one trying, they are toxic but will eventually walk away from each other, me and him are meant to be, it’s fate and destiny, because of meeting me he’s really been realizing how a real relationship should work, he’s not ready now but will be and then issue isn’t his ex it’s him needing to get his ish in order. They also said we’ll have some difficulties for a bit until she’s completely out of the picture, he’s going through an epiphany and once he realizes I’m the better choice we will be perfect. Of course there’s more but I feel like it’s all made me stick around longer than need be. The guy has told me I’m perfect for him and he doesn’t know why he has this attachment issue. I’ve been trying to be patient because above all, we are friends. He’s been trying to show me more honesty and stuff to make me feel more at ease but now I found out he lied about something again and I’m just done. Psychics have told me to play it cool and let him figure stuff out. They’ve told me to explore other options and focus on me but still keep him around because we are meant to be married. I just can’t believe them anymore. I told him today I don’t want to be in this situation anymore because I deserve better. I deserve someone that’s ready for me now, someone that won’t lie and someone that has no ties to any exes. After I broke it off with him I called a few psychics. Same ones that fed me all these dreams are saying he’s not the one and I made the right decision. Now I’m just irritated. Why did I call them in the first place? This honestly is making me want to binge again though.

I don’t even know the point of me writing all this lol just needed to vent. I just feel so confused and wish I could just go with the flow of everything but here I am. All I want is love  :'(

Tiggymo37:
Might I add this has made me so insecure I’ve even been looking at the ex’s social media much more often than I should. Not healthy! I can literally have whoever I want but I always emotionally connect to these difficult a$$ people

Qcnm:
Hi Tiggy

I am really sorry about what you are going through. I can relate to what you are going through. I too tend to refrain from psychics and tend to start bingeing whenever I have an issue when it comes to matters of heart.

Re this guy that is your friend… he has mentioned that he doesn’t feel like he is not good enough for you… that is a sign right there for you to walk away. Nothing good ever comes out of a relationship were a man feels like he is not good enough, they will literally do the bare minimum or hurt you and then turn around and say “but I told you I wasn’t good enough or wasn’t where I want to be”. That will always be his excuse.

Secondly this is someone still caught up on his ex.. is that really something you want to deal with? Are you willing to wait for a man who is still doing this back and forth with his ex?

I totally relate to your fear of not finding true long term commitment.. but sometimes we are actually not helping ourselves by holding on to people that we know deep down are not good for us.

Qcnm:
Really well said Jacky.

I hate hate hate how we get involved with these people, they hurt us and we end up spending thousands to try and understand why they did it, why the left, if they will come back etc… it’s so unfair… You hurt me and now I go bankrupt trying to figure if you will come back??

I am really trying my best to come out of this hole. Because bingeing on someone who doesn’t give two shits really doesn’t make sense!

Most of us here know that we are amazing people with a lot of love to give. I wish we would give it to the right people. Someone hurting you is one thing… but what you do after that is entirely your choice!





--- Quote from: JackY on August 05, 2021, 01:53:07 PM ---I can completely relate to what you're going through, but let's try to save you money moving forward because I wish I knew then what I know now.

When a guy says or feels he's not good enough for you-he's not.

Anyone involved with an ex needs to be left alone to work that shit out. Feelings are one thing. Actions are another.

Pay attention to what's right in front of you. He's showing you who he is. He's got issues that have nothing to do with you. Pull your energy completely away from him and open up to other people. I've said it a million times-if a guy wants to be with you, he will crawl naked over broken glass to be with you. NEVER be someone's option.

--- End quote ---

Tiggymo37:
Thank you <3

You guys are right. And these are things I know to be true, just been struggling with leaving the situation behind. I’m happy I finally told him I’m done - although he’s not exactly leaving me alone. I hope soon I can shake these feeling of insecurity and can truly move forward. Funny how we deal with the craziest BS even though we know what we deserve. It didn’t help that psychics were like “I’ve been hurt before too and if I were your friend I’d tell you to run but as a psychic I see the bigger picture and he is worth waiting for”. Heard this from quite a few people. I wonder if they just like stringing people along. Either way, I’m going with my gut on this. If we are meant to be in the future it will happen but in the meantime I’m not going to sit around and wait and possibly block a blessing. I deserve someone that is ready NOW and honestly when I think about it there’s not even much he can offer me. So I have to ask myself what is it I’ve been holding on to? Someone to talk to? Nope I need more, and someone ready for an adult relationship.

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