Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story
Self Love, Self Respect, Self Concept
russianred:
Hi sugarsky, I am just seeing your post now. I feel so much of your pain. Yes, it is really sickening to think of the amount of $ we've spent on these men who don't properly value us -- let's face it, if they did, we wouldn't be so driven to call all the time. I'm convinced that most readers, including the heavy hitters (some of whom I've tried), just pick up on your own hopes and dreams during the call and echo them back to you.
I'm so sorry that you're in emotional agony over this guy. It's so tough when it feels like your brain is rented to someone. It sounds like you're wrestling with your lack of closure with him too. You wonder how can something have been so beautiful and passionate only for it to fall apart with no explanation, and then seeing him smiling with a new girlfriend is just unconscionable.
All I can say is that acceptance will somehow be the key... acceptance that things may never make sense (I am still working on this one myself to say the least), even acceptance that you do feel this way and you are in anguish over him, which is sometimes better than trying to fight the feelings. Acceptance that as badly as you want it, his journey is not yours to choose and may never make sense to you, although it's despicable that he spoke of marriage etc. without any real intent to follow through (I can relate, I'm sorry). Acceptance that his misled you. Anyway, it sounds like you're at that place, but I understand.
I hate to play this card but maybe you threatened him in some way where he feels more comfortable with the current partner. I think many men are not comfortable with insightful, intelligent women.
sugarsky:
--- Quote from: russianred on January 17, 2021, 08:02:09 AM ---Hi sugarsky, I am just seeing your post now. I feel so much of your pain. Yes, it is really sickening to think of the amount of $ we've spent on these men who don't properly value us -- let's face it, if they did, we wouldn't be so driven to call all the time. I'm convinced that most readers, including the heavy hitters (some of whom I've tried), just pick up on your own hopes and dreams during the call and echo them back to you.
I'm so sorry that you're in emotional agony over this guy. It's so tough when it feels like your brain is rented to someone. It sounds like you're wrestling with your lack of closure with him too. You wonder how can something have been so beautiful and passionate only for it to fall apart with no explanation, and then seeing him smiling with a new girlfriend is just unconscionable.
All I can say is that acceptance will somehow be the key... acceptance that things may never make sense (I am still working on this one myself to say the least), even acceptance that you do feel this way and you are in anguish over him, which is sometimes better than trying to fight the feelings. Acceptance that as badly as you want it, his journey is not yours to choose and may never make sense to you, although it's despicable that he spoke of marriage etc. without any real intent to follow through (I can relate, I'm sorry). Acceptance that his misled you. Anyway, it sounds like you're at that place, but I understand.
I hate to play this card but maybe you threatened him in some way where he feels more comfortable with the current partner. I think many men are not comfortable with insightful, intelligent women.
--- End quote ---
Aww thank you for the beautiful reply!! I have no words ! :) You hit everything spot on. Thank you so much! It is true - not that I like to compliment myself because I don't, LOL! But most men are uncomfortable with good, clean women and I see that a lot on this board. Some men will rise to it, others will run, and some men are just completely worthless right? But emotional attachment can cloud us in all cases <3 <3 Thank you for your kind words <3
russianred:
--- Quote from: sugarsky on January 17, 2021, 01:02:19 PM ---
--- Quote from: russianred on January 17, 2021, 08:02:09 AM ---Hi sugarsky, I am just seeing your post now. I feel so much of your pain. Yes, it is really sickening to think of the amount of $ we've spent on these men who don't properly value us -- let's face it, if they did, we wouldn't be so driven to call all the time. I'm convinced that most readers, including the heavy hitters (some of whom I've tried), just pick up on your own hopes and dreams during the call and echo them back to you.
I'm so sorry that you're in emotional agony over this guy. It's so tough when it feels like your brain is rented to someone. It sounds like you're wrestling with your lack of closure with him too. You wonder how can something have been so beautiful and passionate only for it to fall apart with no explanation, and then seeing him smiling with a new girlfriend is just unconscionable.
All I can say is that acceptance will somehow be the key... acceptance that things may never make sense (I am still working on this one myself to say the least), even acceptance that you do feel this way and you are in anguish over him, which is sometimes better than trying to fight the feelings. Acceptance that as badly as you want it, his journey is not yours to choose and may never make sense to you, although it's despicable that he spoke of marriage etc. without any real intent to follow through (I can relate, I'm sorry). Acceptance that his misled you. Anyway, it sounds like you're at that place, but I understand.
I hate to play this card but maybe you threatened him in some way where he feels more comfortable with the current partner. I think many men are not comfortable with insightful, intelligent women.
--- End quote ---
Aww thank you for the beautiful reply!! I have no words ! :) You hit everything spot on. Thank you so much! It is true - not that I like to compliment myself because I don't, LOL! But most men are uncomfortable with good, clean women and I see that a lot on this board. Some men will rise to it, others will run, and some men are just completely worthless right? But emotional attachment can cloud us in all cases <3 <3 Thank you for your kind words <3
--- End quote ---
Your reply made my day. I'm finding that I have more and more contempt for my ex-bf/ex-POI by the day and that's the ultimate salve to feeling hurt/misled. I hope you are continuing to heal.
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