I want to hear all of your stories!!!
I spent much of November 2020 on a dating app. I don't think I've wasted so much time in one month in my life. I tried different apps/sites casually in the past and don't remember it all being so dismal. I would love to hear your stories (good and bad).
The worst aspects for me were:
--
The pen pals - men who will endlessly text with you (sometimes even very long messages) but never actually ask for a phone call or in-person date. I usually conclude that he's just not that into me in these situations, but trying to figure out who is just trying to get to know me first versus not actually interested in me (also factor the pandemic into this) is exhausting.
-- Men who are
evasive or even sometimes lie about BIG dealbreakers (e.g., job status, living arrangements, weight, substance abuse). This is OUT OF CONTROL from what I was seeing. Don't these men realize that we are going to find out if we end up dating anyway?
-- Men who are in
no way ready to date (life is a mess or too close to breakup). I also suspect some of the men are not even single but are looking for attention from other women. I already spent much of 2020 as a rebound who sent me mixed messages and drove me to call psychics; I don't want to do that again.
I read He's Just Not That Into You last night. The central point of the book that when a man is interested in you being a serious girlfriend (not as an option/FWB), 9 times out of 10, his interest will be OBVIOUS and you will not have to make excuses for him... but another big takeaway is this:
Men will do anything except straight-up tell you that they are not interested because, for some reason, they don't have the courage to do so. They will, however, give you mixed messages and excuses for not reaching out or ghost. (The book doesn't explain why men can't seem to be direct.) I think this lack of balls leads to so many "POI" situations, psychic readings... if a guy outright rejected me, I'd like to think I wouldn't waste my money, but I do call about guys who keep me guessing in some way.
I did have a few guys who seemed actually interested in me and demonstrated some effort, but in true-to-myself fashion, I didn't feel any attraction for them. Of course. I think one day I need just force myself to be with someone who at least pursues me, even if I'm not into him. Maybe I have just an inflated sense of what I can realistically get.
So curious to hear all of your stories. Have you ever gotten psychic readings about online dating? What apps were best/worst for you?
