my lesson - Men who drive you to call

[russianred]

It's been written here many times but I didn't 100% accept it until now:  a man who drives you to read more than what would be truly for "entertainment purposes" is NOT the guy for you.

I binged in January of this year wondering if we would reconnect.  We did in the spring.  I broke up with him last night after he admitted to me that, in contrast to many heavy things he told me in the past, he's now come to the conclusion he doesn't want anything serious now or for the foreseeable future with me or anyone.

Throughout our time together in the spring and summer, I continued to seek out reassurance from readers that things were on the right track between us and he was emotionally ready for a serious relationship.  I always knew deep down that things weren't adding up but since he would always dismiss my concerns, I would ask readers for insight.  My gut TOLD me that his words and actions didn't always meet, and he vacillated between affection and distance, but I wanted excuses and explanations.

I want all of my money back.  He wasn't worth it at all.  If I feel I need to navigate a relationship in the future using psychics, I now know that's a major red flag.

[Kkbich2014]

I’m sorry this happened to you... I know how devastating it is when it gets to this point. Our insecurities drive us to call. The idea that we can control the situation if we just know how it will unfold. I’ve been at the point where you are in many failed relationships. That feeling of... did I really just waste all this money for it to end up this way? I hope with time you heal and that we all develop healthier relationship habits. The readings block  intuition I feel and keep us in something the gut initially told us isn’t right for whatever reason. It will get better. Keep yourself distracted and keep your  head up. You have the answers you need and it’ll start to feel like a big relief and a fresh start in time.

[court1130]

Yep and just as you said, 9 times out of 10 we already know the answers to our questions.

[russianred]

I’m sorry this happened to you... I know how devastating it is when it gets to this point. Our insecurities drive us to call. The idea that we can control the situation if we just know how it will unfold. I’ve been at the point where you are in many failed relationships. That feeling of... did I really just waste all this money for it to end up this way? I hope with time you heal and that we all develop healthier relationship habits. The readings block  intuition I feel and keep us in something the gut initially told us isn’t right for whatever reason. It will get better. Keep yourself distracted and keep your  head up. You have the answers you need and it’ll start to feel like a big relief and a fresh start in time.

Yep!  The money is a big bummer.  "Did I really just waste all this money for it to end up this way?" is right.  The false sense of control and trust is also right.  Because the readers would totally tell me if they saw something bad coming... oh wait, no, they didn't.   

I forgot to post this in my earlier post... not ONE reader in the last few months predicted this coming.  They offered excuses and reasons for why he didn't always seem to prioritize me or my feelings, why his affections were inconsistent, etc.  What is the point of readings if they can't even see something big like this happening?

The second that I start craving excessive reassurance from readers with a future guy is the second I actually acknowledge to myself that there might be something wrong.

What makes me sick is that if I were to call now (I'm not), I'm sure I would be told that I did all sorts of things wrong for this to happen, which is absolutely untrue.  I was the most patient and understanding girlfriend ever, partly because readers were encouraging me to be and to ignore red flags.

[russianred]

Yep and just as you said, 9 times out of 10 we already know the answers to our questions.

Yes, when you think about it, we're actually paying to be told information COUNTER to what we suspect, because if we didn't suspect something was off, we probably wouldn't be calling in the first place (unless it's truly a reading for entertainment, which I used to do before I got involved in this nightmare with this guy).

[maggs30]

I agree with this mostly. I still call on occasion because I'm so fucked up from my last relationships I go into anxiety attacks. You want to know how tiny of a thing can set me off? Him texting Goodnight instead of goodnight babe... One time. My brain goes straight to he's getting ready to break up with me. My point is don't ignore red flags. Don't trust psychics every word. But don't let your intuition be overtaken by anxiety from your past either. I could have messed up my relationship a ton of times without QofCs reassurance sometimes once a week.

[russianred]

I agree with this mostly. I still call on occasion because I'm so fucked up from my last relationships I go into anxiety attacks. You want to know how tiny of a thing can set me off? Him texting Goodnight instead of goodnight babe... One time. My brain goes straight to he's getting ready to break up with me. My point is don't ignore red flags. Don't trust psychics every word. But don't let your intuition be overtaken by anxiety from your past either. I could have messed up my relationship a ton of times without QofCs reassurance sometimes once a week.

I see what you're saying. I also struggle with anxiety, and that was a main reason I continued to call. I would want the readers to tell me that it was all in my head and my anxiety. I would tell myself that the money was well-spent if it kept me from ruining the relationship. I don't want to freak you out, but in my experience, I also obsessed over things like wording, and I think that's because I wasn't getting security in other ways. It may truly just be anxiety speaking but if the gnawing feeling doesn't go away, it may be guidance trying to tell you something.

[maggs30]

I agree with this mostly. I still call on occasion because I'm so fucked up from my last relationships I go into anxiety attacks. You want to know how tiny of a thing can set me off? Him texting Goodnight instead of goodnight babe... One time. My brain goes straight to he's getting ready to break up with me. My point is don't ignore red flags. Don't trust psychics every word. But don't let your intuition be overtaken by anxiety from your past either. I could have messed up my relationship a ton of times without QofCs reassurance sometimes once a week.

I see what you're saying. I also struggle with anxiety, and that was a main reason I continued to call. I would want the readers to tell me that it was all in my head and my anxiety. I would tell myself that the money was well-spent if it kept me from ruining the relationship. I don't want to freak you out, but in my experience, I also obsessed over things like wording, and I think that's because I wasn't getting security in other ways. It may truly just be anxiety speaking but if the gnawing feeling doesn't go away, it may be guidance trying to tell you something.

Thanks for your insight. I know that mine is 100% anxiety. This man has helped clean my house, prune my trees, cooks me dinner. He tells me how special he thinks I am. But let him not call me babe or not text for a few hours and I'm a mess. Its insane and QofCs has yelled at me plenty of times that its my anxiety and I know it is so stop it lmao. Of course mine was caused by being married to a narcissist for 26 years. Stay strong ladies.

[russianred]

I'm happy for you that you found someone who treats you properly. I'm hoping to do the same. Sigh.

[Kkbich2014]

I agree with this mostly. I still call on occasion because I'm so fucked up from my last relationships I go into anxiety attacks. You want to know how tiny of a thing can set me off? Him texting Goodnight instead of goodnight babe... One time. My brain goes straight to he's getting ready to break up with me. My point is don't ignore red flags. Don't trust psychics every word. But don't let your intuition be overtaken by anxiety from your past either. I could have messed up my relationship a ton of times without QofCs reassurance sometimes once a week.

I totally agree with this! This sounds just like me. The relationship could be going perfectly  fine but here I go calling and calling... my anxiety has ruined plenty of good relationships especially if a psychic gave bad news... relationship over. It’s a fine balance between recognizing the red flags with men and our own insecurity and anxiety...

[HornetKick]

Thanks for your insight. I know that mine is 100% anxiety. This man has helped clean my house, prune my trees, cooks me dinner. He tells me how special he thinks I am. But let him not call me babe or not text for a few hours and I'm a mess. Its insane and QofCs has yelled at me plenty of times that its my anxiety and I know it is so stop it lmao. Of course mine was caused by being married to a narcissist for 26 years. Stay strong ladies.

Well you do have a reason for the anxiety. It's not like you were born this way, you were driven to this by a man. Men keep you so anxious, vibrating and vigilantly on edge around his issues and his f'edup-ness. I get it. I've watched many gf's go through this b.s.

[russianred]

It’s a fine balance between recognizing the red flags with men and our own insecurity and anxiety...

It really is.  In my case, I almost NEVER felt truly secure with this guy, but I told myself and the readers told me that this was just my anxiety.  I have a history of sabotaging things too soon due to my anxiety so I did not want that to happen again.  This desire turned into me calling at least one per week and often multiple times per week to be told that this guy was normal and I was the one with the problem.  He didn't seem to prioritize me?  His plans for the future sometimes didn't seem to include me?  He would go from proclaiming his love for me to acting distant?  Readers were only too happy to say that all of that was because... fill in the blank with anything except the truth, which was that this guy was not ready for anything serious.  They can be very convincing, and now I truly do think that they intentionally keep you in bad situations in order to "hook" you.  If occasional readings are a way of ensuring you don't go off the deep end in an otherwise awesome relationship, that's great, but they got me so far away from my own intuition and instincts with this man and I have nothing to show for it but credit card debt.  Can you tell I'm upset and hurt?!  The only thing I will say in the readers' defense is that if they had told me the truth all along, I'm not sure I would have accepted it, so I guess they were just doing what I asked of them.

[maggs30]

It’s a fine balance between recognizing the red flags with men and our own insecurity and anxiety...

It really is.  In my case, I almost NEVER felt truly secure with this guy, but I told myself and the readers told me that this was just my anxiety.  I have a history of sabotaging things too soon due to my anxiety so I did not want that to happen again.  This desire turned into me calling at least one per week and often multiple times per week to be told that this guy was normal and I was the one with the problem.  He didn't seem to prioritize me?  His plans for the future sometimes didn't seem to include me?  He would go from proclaiming his love for me to acting distant?  Readers were only too happy to say that all of that was because... fill in the blank with anything except the truth, which was that this guy was not ready for anything serious.  They can be very convincing, and now I truly do think that they intentionally keep you in bad situations in order to "hook" you.  If occasional readings are a way of ensuring you don't go off the deep end in an otherwise awesome relationship, that's great, but they got me so far away from my own intuition and instincts with this man and I have nothing to show for it but credit card debt.  Can you tell I'm upset and hurt?!  The only thing I will say in the readers' defense is that if they had told me the truth all along, I'm not sure I would have accepted it, so I guess they were just doing what I asked of them.

They certainly kept me in that same loop with my ex bf for a year. Once he cheated they started with he doesn't love her. She's convenient etc etc. Thankfully I walked and yelled at a few psychics for the bs. Mostly CP psychics. But it took all my strength to convince myself I'm no ones second choice.

[russianred]

They certainly kept me in that same loop with my ex bf for a year. Once he cheated they started with he doesn't love her. She's convenient etc etc. Thankfully I walked and yelled at a few psychics for the bs. Mostly CP psychics. But it took all my strength to convince myself I'm no ones second choice.

"Loop" is the perfect word.  I would feel an unsettling feeling, then call and get my reassurances from these strangers, then back to something else happening that would give me that same feeling.  I would love to give some of these readers the outcome and ask them why they, as supposed clairvoyants and empaths, didn't see it coming but I have no doubt that they would take no responsibility and somehow manage to make me the problem.

[maggs30]

They certainly kept me in that same loop with my ex bf for a year. Once he cheated they started with he doesn't love her. She's convenient etc etc. Thankfully I walked and yelled at a few psychics for the bs. Mostly CP psychics. But it took all my strength to convince myself I'm no ones second choice.

"Loop" is the perfect word.  I would feel an unsettling feeling, then call and get my reassurances from these strangers, then back to something else happening that would give me that same feeling.  I would love to give some of these readers the outcome and ask them why they, as supposed clairvoyants and empaths, didn't see it coming but I have no doubt that they would take no responsibility and somehow manage to make me the problem.

Yep with the ex it was always he's still coming back, sorry free will, or you didn't follow advice. Thankfully after all that bs I was able to cut back to who I can truly trust. None of the ones I trust told me why I would walk away but they all said I would. Except Yona. With her it was the famous you have a choice.