Exhausted need help

[kdspirited]

2 weeks into my 30 day challenge of not getting a reading and I was really struggling today. I didnt break but I am so tired of thinking of him. Its been over a month since I last saw him. I was hoping not having to see him everyday will help me get over him faster. I was doing really well there is a big part of me that knows I will never hear from him again. But there is another one that keeps nagging about the fact that he might. I want that voice to go away and it is not. I have already given this 3 years of my life. I cant give it anymore. I am so tired of this and myself being and feeling like this. I want to be done
That voice that keeps nagging me is due to the readings I have had with Yona and Cookie and the possibility of the fact that it could happen. I want to let go I keep telling myself this is unrequittted love and I am a smart intelligent sane woman who knows I may never get closure I just have to accept that. But why wont my heart just let go and accpet all the evidence to the contrary.

[lightfaerie]

Hey hun. Try to give yourself time. Be gentle on yourself. Suggestion: buy your own tarot deck or guidance cards and pull out 3 cards for yourself. I have seen tutorials online where they pull 10 cards and lay them out for answers on past, present etc. There are automatic tarot decks online if you can’t afford to buy one. Don’t pay for a reading - they’ll feed into your vulnerability and tell you what you want to hear. And if they don’t tell you what you want to hear then you might feel upset. Either way it’s a lose lose situation if you go to a reader. Save your money, get an answers pendulum or other tools. Focus on your question and ask the universe yourself.

You have more power than you know and the universe has a plan for you. Trust that you can pass this time by doing what you love. Try to find some things that give you joy xx

[user5942]

It honestly takes time. Like the two users above said, you need to accept what happened.

This is where readings can be destructive to your healing. We shouldn’t look at readers like this god complex because they wouldn’t bet their lives on what they told us will actually happen. They should be looked at as “entertainment purposes” only, and if things happen that’s great. But we should never “bet” on them happening.

My POI left me for someone else in July. I just started to really accept what happened last month. This was after months of therapy, traveling, picking up new hobbies, spending time with friends and family, and even being prescribed medicine for depression and anxiety (which helped, GREATLY).

You’re grieving the loss of a person in a sense, so what you’re feeling is completely understandable. I blocked my POI on every site and deleted all pictures. That way, I didn’t think about him as much. Now, I really don’t give a shit if I ever speak to him again. I never thought I’d say that, but I came to one universal truth that the way someone treats you, especially the way they leave you, tells you everything you need to know about them. My ex left me for someone else and didn’t even have the decency to tell me. He was two timing us the whole time and I even contemplated telling the other girl that and that this guy was playing us, but I didn’t even bother. He’s her problem now and I’ve come to the conclusion that he simply is not a good person. I want to be with someone who is a good man, this guy was not. And he’s going to continuously sabotage himself because there is something wrong with him if he has the ability to treat people in his life that way.

[kdspirited]

Thank you all so much for your wisdom and help. I was really down and out yesterday. This self isolation doesnt help either. I know I am done with it. I just have to accept it wholeheartedly and know that it happened for my own benefit that the universe was watching over me. I just get frustrated when I wake up in the morning and my thoughts go to him. It doesnt matter if they are good or bad. I immediately hate myself for even thinking of him and feel like a failure. I have been doing cord cutting meditation and loook forward to the day I wake up and he is no longer on my mind. I even loathe that I have to put in so much of an effort into forgetting about him. I know its going to take time and i appreciate you all so very much for your support

Love to you all

[user5942]

Personally, I think cord cutting is total bullshit

There is no magic to getting over someone you cared about, especially loved

It’s going to hurt and take time, you need to go through those motions in order to fully heal. There’s no shortcut or secret passageway

You need to work through the steps of grief because that’s technically what you’re dealing with - losing someone

That’s going to take work and it is a process, but at the end of it you feel wonderful

All this magical, metaphysical, and psychic stuff didn’t help me...but therapy, praying to God, and medication did

[kdspirited]

Personally, I think cord cutting is total bullshit

There is no magic to getting over someone you cared about, especially loved

It’s going to hurt and take time, you need to go through those motions in order to fully heal. There’s no shortcut or secret passageway

You need to work through the steps of grief because that’s technically what you’re dealing with - losing someone

That’s going to take work and it is a process, but at the end of it you feel wonderful

All this magical, metaphysical, and psychic stuff didn’t help me...but therapy, praying to God, and medication did

User I am willing to try anything to be honest except medication and psychics. I just want this to be out of my system. I agree I know it needs to work its way out of my system I am willing to get professional help. SO Therapy is next for me. I know I am not perfect by any means and I need to be patient with myself through this but it is frustrating nonetheless that I got myself to this point

[user5942]

I tried cord cutting by 3 different people and it was a total waste /:

Just giving my opinion, I developed panic disorder even after the cord cutting

Not telling you to do anything, but I was always anti therapy and medication and it just got out of control for me. They were the only things that saved me and if I had done them sooner, I would’ve saved a lot of money...just wouldn’t want anyone to make the same mistakes and be out more money than they need to be!

[kdspirited]

First off sorry to hear that things got bad for you. I know life is not fair and things like these do not make it any easier. I am going to do Therapy for sure not a question of If at all. Thats on the docket as they say

[kdspirited]

My experience was it took some time and effort to retrain my thoughts so I wasn't thinking about my ex all the time. It got to the point where I was so disgusted by it that I just immediately dismissed him every time he popped up in my thoughts. So I mean he was still popping up for a long time but I gradually stopped dwelling on it and just directed my attention to other things.

It's harder to do that after having lots of readings on a person because all those things the psychics said keep popping up too, and a lot of it is contradictory so your mind can't even settle on one line of thinking. It just goes round and round. After many years of readings it just became obvious to me none of what they said really mattered anyway. Some things were true and some were not but none of it really had any real significance to my life. I always had this mix of dread and hope about what my ex might do and I thought the readings would prepare me. None of it really made any difference though. The only thing that made a difference was I decided I had enough of it, cut ties with him and made the effort to change my thoughts. It does take an effort because however long you've been dwelling on it or getting readings, that builds up habits and momentum. It's like stopping a runaway train.

I used to always wake up thinking about my ex, but there would be a brief moment when I didn't and I felt okay. Then it was like I remembered it all came flooding back to me and a dark cloud descended over me. I'm not even sure when that stopped happening, but it took me longer than 3 years. There were times I felt better for awhile, then those waves of grief would start hitting me again. It was so hard. It takes time to process all those emotions and get them out of your body. Some days I just sobbed over it and couldn't do much of anything else. When it hits you that hard maybe the best you can do is surrender to it.

Part of why it took me so long is I had a lot of things to figure out about myself and my life before I could see the whole situation clearly. I had to change my perspective on some things and it took some outside events to make that happen. It was like I had a huge puzzle to solve and I couldn't see the bigger picture. I was just focused on this one little section of the puzzle that had my ex in it. Once I started to see beyond that the other pieces just fell into place, and I realized he didn't have as big of a place in my life as I thought he did.

Still Tired oh my gosh thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. That is exactly how I feel. I never thought is a million years Id be stuck in this whirlwind. I am determined to get over it as soon as I able. I do the same thing everytime he pops into my head I brush him aside and even telll him to get out of my head. Even if I have to do it out loud. It helps but its temporary until the next  time. I know its a process and I am willing to work on it. Any tips to refocus my mind? I try watching shows or reading books meditation or exercising . But even then he pops up in my head during all these distractions. I have to say I dont cry over him as much as I used to I have come a long way on that. Someone once told me the best way to see how far you have come is to compare where you are today to where you were a few months ago. When I do that I realize truly how far I have come in trying to get over him. I am staying strong and focused and hope that I come out of this quarantine healed and looking ahead not back

[russianred]

Thank you all so much for your wisdom and help. I was really down and out yesterday. This self isolation doesnt help either. I know I am done with it. I just have to accept it wholeheartedly and know that it happened for my own benefit that the universe was watching over me. I just get frustrated when I wake up in the morning and my thoughts go to him. It doesnt matter if they are good or bad. I immediately hate myself for even thinking of him and feel like a failure. I have been doing cord cutting meditation and loook forward to the day I wake up and he is no longer on my mind. I even loathe that I have to put in so much of an effort into forgetting about him. I know its going to take time and i appreciate you all so very much for your support

Love to you all

One thing I've worked on in therapy is that judging myself for my emotions, anxiety, frustration, whatever it is actually compounds the bad feelings.  I learned that my anxiety in itself isn't the biggest issue -- it's the self-judging and the anxiety about the anxiety -- the "I feel silly for being so anxious," "what if this anxiety never goes away?", things like that.

I bring this up because it sounds like a lot of your emotional pain comes from you being upset at yourself for how much you continue to think about him.  Remind yourself that you are OK even if you are thinking about him.  You are not on a schedule for moving on.  I can relate to being so frustrated at how much I continued to dwell on a person when I just wanted to move on.  I think you can find certainty in that time will likely naturally help you to move on.

[kdspirited]

russianred you are absolutely correct i am so frustrated with myself but I am trying to also be kind. The back and forth in my head the whatifs and the confusing thoughts instilled in my head by psychics I have read with over time dont help. I have to have a conversation with myself everytime. Its a process I guess one day at a time. I am trying to be patient with myself

[HornetKick]

To be honest I think the turning point and maybe the only thing that finally got me over it was I just started feeling contempt for my ex. For a long time I was very angry and hurt but I still felt affection for him. So every time I thought about him all these mixed feelings would come up. I missed him, I worried about him, I was angry, I wanted to scream at him, I wanted to hug him. But over time all of those feelings gradually just turned cold. So there came a point when he crossed my mind it just felt like flicking a gnat away. I really wouldn't want anyone else to go through that the way I did. It changed me, I feel like I'm not even the same person anymore. I would have rather let him go with love but I stopped having those feelings.

Can we really let someone go with love if we still love someone? Doesn't this create a sort of pining and never moving on to something else new and/or better? I'm not sure. I've found that for me, turning cold to the other person relieves me of any comfort I had for them and I'm able to look the other way or to even talk to them, but be the first to ring off or walk away. They no longer affect my future.

[kdspirited]

I had a dream about him last night. But I woke up totally indifferent. Thats the feeling I want to get to more and more where their existence has no affect on me at all. Good or bad. If he crosses my mind I should think "yup great wish you well now leave me alone"
I had that happen with my last ex he lied to me and cheated on me I spent 2 years trying to get over him and then one day he emailed me and I asked him why is he brothering to do so. And he said if you want I wont do it again. My response was I honestly couldnt care less email me or not frankly my dear I dont give a damn 
IT was such a liberating moment

[kdspirited]

Thanks greekgreek I woke up from the dream feeling good not missing him or angry at him. It was just a feeling of ho hum. Its interesting I dreamt about him a few weeks ago as well and it was a dream where I saw him at work and he was turned away from me. He didnt want to see me kind of hard to explain. I walk into a conference room where he is sitting he turns his head to look at me and he has this serious look on it and almost one of contempt and he looks away as if he was looking at a stranger. In this dream he was trying to get my attention like he would always do at work very flirty and was chasing me around the office. So I do think energetically I have turned a corner

[kdspirited]

I had a dream about him last night. But I woke up totally indifferent. Thats the feeling I want to get to more and more where their existence has no affect on me at all. Good or bad. If he crosses my mind I should think "yup great wish you well now leave me alone"
I had that happen with my last ex he lied to me and cheated on me I spent 2 years trying to get over him and then one day he emailed me and I asked him why is he brothering to do so. And he said if you want I wont do it again. My response was I honestly couldnt care less email me or not frankly my dear I dont give a damn 
IT was such a liberating moment

This was so true. I watched this clip and felt so relieved I am giving it way to much attention. The thoughts that come into my mind I just have to say thanks and then drop it. done and done. Thanks for sharing


This completely reminded me of this clip. Everytime my poi ever crosses my mind I give it a minute and then I drop it. I will admit I have felt more triggered lately being at home all the time in quarantine, but doesn't change anything especially since I have moved forward without him in my life and for the better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqKdQKANqGM

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime we just have to remember which is which and not give temporary people lifetime space.