It was hard for me to recognize that it wasn't me. I really thought I failed him and it took awhile for me to truly understand and accept there was nothing I could have done differently. I sure couldn't hold the whole thing together on my own.
Amen. I spent months feeling as though I was failing him and trying to "correct" my behavior so that he would like me more. But no, he just really has character flaws (wishy-washy, actions don't match words) that would spur on these feelings of insecurity for me.
Did you or do you struggle with this idea of how he likely thinks of his behavior as normal and acceptable? For some reason I can't seem to get past that. He's superficially apologized to me but I honestly don't think he knows just how much he messed with my head and emotions, even if it was unintentional. (Sorry, I know I'm not being terribly specific because I know readers lurk here, but suffice it to say that any objective third party would find his behavior in the wrong in this particular situation, although I admittedly enabled a lot of it.)
