Relationship Psychology Discussions > Connect With Others

r/FemaleDatingStrategy/

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bstalling:
Its no secret that a lot of female posters here have problems with dating and relationships on this forum, which powers the attraction to psychics and readings. It's also true that dating has changed drastically over the past 10 to 15 years. Online dating, hook up culture, etc. I came across this sub recently and thought that some posters may find it helpful in regards to taking back their power in relationships and hopefully weaning themselves off readings.

I wish I had something like this when I was dating around, it would have helped my self-esteem greatly. Women don't often think they need to be strategic to get the results they desire, which I feel is unfortunate. Believe it or not, a lot of guys out there are just trash and probably only just want one thing from you. I think its much more helpful to actively look at the signs instead of calling a psychic to tell you whats going to happen or what they are really thinking. Just thought I would share.

sparky:
I hate the current way of dating.  It is so much a hook up culture that it makes it hard to really meet anyone.  Hell half the girls I either match with or try to start conversation put about half effort into it.  I get it.  Why put a lot of work into something if you are getting bombarded from guys just trying to hook up.  It can make it exhausting to just weed out the meaningful ones.  Then you are just sick of it and wonder why you are even doing it.  So you barely look at the app or whatever.  The chance with someone that you could have a potentially meaningful relationship or even a life long one never got started.

I also think there is too much instant gratification in society.  We live with everything on our finger tips and I think that has translated to the dating world as well.  It is easy to just quickly go on to the next big thing when the current start to fizzle.  For the next thing to fizzle out just as fast.  With all of that causes more drama and then people reach out to psychics to wonder where their soulmate or whatever you may want to call it.  A psychic gives them an answer like they are coming soon.  So they put themselves back out there and repeat all the same mistakes I mentioned earlier for a while.  Then call the psychic again wondering why they haven't met them completing the never ending cycle.

bstalling:
Yeah, I'm an older millennial, so I never really did the online dating thing. In my youth, it was still viewed as something weird to do compared to traditional dating. I have younger cousins that are almost forced to get on apps now because everyone else seems to be doing it. SMH Definitely agree about instant gratification. Don't know how society can turn that around when you can literally get anything you want with just the tap of your smart phone.

summertimesnow:
At the risk of reviving a dead thread, I was looking through the forum to see if anyone shared current/modern day dating experiences and this is the closest I could find.
I am an older millennial as well but unfortunately I got stuck on the app date carousel. Been stuck since around 2016. That said, my online dating experience goes way back to pre-app era and I can tell you that the apps ruined it all, perhaps alongside a shift in culture in the last decade or so.
I had met my last ex which was a solid long term relationship on UK match. It was old school, emailing back and forth and then meeting up for lunch.
When I moved to the US, we broke up around end of '14/into '15-it was a drawn out process with us getting back together virtually for half a year, I tried OKC. Back in OKC it was old school  laptop/desktop based, and I think it was before Match Group bought everything and Tinderified it. back then, people typed up at least a paragraph worth messages. Or anyone worth your salt would.
I met s/o and dated him for a while-could have been the love of my life, was local, and my peer, life goals matched to the t, higher ed as well, but he hadn't moved on from a failed marriage (no kids) so it didn't go anywhere.
and thereafter apps surfaced and it's been 55 app 'meetups', on average 85 texting type 'relationships' per year.
When I first downloaded Tinder in '16 I was shocked at the abuse. on neither Match nor OKC in the old days had I gotten abuse. the worst in those times were fizzling convos or sparkless meetups. Now I experienced the whole gamut of abuse-unsolicited pics, first liners about sex, convos randomly turning into 'sit on my face' (at first I didn't know what this meant), and even seemingly polite dudes becoming aggressive bro idiots in a couple of days. One guy who works for my university asked me out to lunch. I never let anyone order me anything; always paid my own. but 2 hours after this lunch date I got a message from said dude asking me 'on a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate your libido' . when I called him out on it, I got the cliched 'you do know you were on tinder right' message as in 'you do know you are a who*'

I pity those people who end up on these apps after the failure of a successful marriage or relationship and  esp if they don't have their social networks.

Now I go back and forth between hinge and bumble, with a blase and jaded attitude. The abuse is less than on tinder but I am able to block the profile at the first sign. Recently, a guy in his early 40s so older than me , claiming to be wanting to settle down and knowing what he wants, branched off from a convo about how to pronounce foreign names to 'girls love the rolling rs, all that tongue action' .

So this is how it is nowadays. to be fair, I've had a handful of decent meetups, with not enough spark  or no spark to warrant another meetup but at least no abuse. so this is my mindset, I now think if it's a meetup without abuse or an offensive remark, I count that as success.

I get so annoyed with readers, even Yona, who pick up on these app dates and waste minutes of the reading giving info on a rando app guy or app rando, as I refer to them. One reading's entire layout had been dedicated to a sequence of app convos that I couldn't even quite identify-b/c all the guys sound the same, 'the fish photo' and the 'hey how's your day, how's your weekend, any fun plans, how's your x holiday' 'how was the lockdown' type questions. ad nauseaum.

Natashanyc:

--- Quote from: summertimesnow on July 15, 2020, 10:43:27 PM ---At the risk of reviving a dead thread, I was looking through the forum to see if anyone shared current/modern day dating experiences and this is the closest I could find.
I am an older millennial as well but unfortunately I got stuck on the app date carousel. Been stuck since around 2016. That said, my online dating experience goes way back to pre-app era and I can tell you that the apps ruined it all, perhaps alongside a shift in culture in the last decade or so.
I had met my last ex which was a solid long term relationship on UK match. It was old school, emailing back and forth and then meeting up for lunch.
When I moved to the US, we broke up around end of '14/into '15-it was a drawn out process with us getting back together virtually for half a year, I tried OKC. Back in OKC it was old school  laptop/desktop based, and I think it was before Match Group bought everything and Tinderified it. back then, people typed up at least a paragraph worth messages. Or anyone worth your salt would.
I met s/o and dated him for a while-could have been the love of my life, was local, and my peer, life goals matched to the t, higher ed as well, but he hadn't moved on from a failed marriage (no kids) so it didn't go anywhere.
and thereafter apps surfaced and it's been 55 app 'meetups', on average 85 texting type 'relationships' per year.
When I first downloaded Tinder in '16 I was shocked at the abuse. on neither Match nor OKC in the old days had I gotten abuse. the worst in those times were fizzling convos or sparkless meetups. Now I experienced the whole gamut of abuse-unsolicited pics, first liners about sex, convos randomly turning into 'sit on my face' (at first I didn't know what this meant), and even seemingly polite dudes becoming aggressive bro idiots in a couple of days. One guy who works for my university asked me out to lunch. I never let anyone order me anything; always paid my own. but 2 hours after this lunch date I got a message from said dude asking me 'on a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate your libido' . when I called him out on it, I got the cliched 'you do know you were on tinder right' message as in 'you do know you are a who*'

I pity those people who end up on these apps after the failure of a successful marriage or relationship and  esp if they don't have their social networks.

Now I go back and forth between hinge and bumble, with a blase and jaded attitude. The abuse is less than on tinder but I am able to block the profile at the first sign. Recently, a guy in his early 40s so older than me , claiming to be wanting to settle down and knowing what he wants, branched off from a convo about how to pronounce foreign names to 'girls love the rolling rs, all that tongue action' .

So this is how it is nowadays. to be fair, I've had a handful of decent meetups, with not enough spark  or no spark to warrant another meetup but at least no abuse. so this is my mindset, I now think if it's a meetup without abuse or an offensive remark, I count that as success.

I get so annoyed with readers, even Yona, who pick up on these app dates and waste minutes of the reading giving info on a rando app guy or app rando, as I refer to them. One reading's entire layout had been dedicated to a sequence of app convos that I couldn't even quite identify-b/c all the guys sound the same, 'the fish photo' and the 'hey how's your day, how's your weekend, any fun plans, how's your x holiday' 'how was the lockdown' type questions. ad nauseaum.

--- End quote ---

I feel like there’s a lot of guys who were just release from jail on these dating sites and I don’t need that kind of nonsense In my life so I never gave the apps the chance

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