Potpourri Boards > Addicted to Psychics
Anyone up for one week pause?
russianred:
Congrats on closing your account. I tried that once before but went back. I now don't want to close my account entirely but just read very occasionally.
I'd love to get a reading tonight. The unknown is driving me crazy. I have to keep telling myself that a reading with someone new is not going to give me any peace, and I don't have the money. I've narrowed down my go-to readers, and it hasn't been long enough since I spoke with them.
russianred:
I am writing this as much for myself as I am for you, Pink.
First, I'm sorry that you were blocked by a trusted reader. I feel that's such a slap in the face. At the very least, I feel like the reader could send an explanation of why she's making that choice. Some of us have spent hundreds on a reader; I do think they owe us some basic kindness and courtesy as a result.
We simply have to find a way to put these POIs out of our heads. We have to. I have let a complicated relationship consume my life for six months. A significant proportion of my waking thoughts are devoted to him and what will happen with him. I can completely relate to what you wrote about feeling flaky. I find that tasks have been taking me twice as long to complete and I can't concentrate on anything because my brain is consumed with POI. Sometimes I don't have the energy to focus on cleaning or anything except HIM and readings about HIM. This has gone on for half a year now. I'm tired of it. I feel like I have lost myself in this situation. Along with thousands of dollars. All for a guy who is most definitely not spending the same amount of energy (or money) on me.
Today was the first day I felt some fog being lifted from my brain.
So, Pink, I'm sorry that you are binging and hurting. I don't know what to say other than you deserve a relationship with someone who does not make you binge. Who makes you feel safe and secure. Everyone here does.
russianred:
--- Quote from: Still tired on January 31, 2020, 04:04:22 PM ---They go on doing what they want to do while we keep trying to figure it out or fix it or find closure.
--- End quote ---
Still Tired, thank you so much for your post. I loved all of it and am going to save it to read in the future. This line in particular really hit me. In the last few days, I have been just sick thinking of how selfish POI has been. For months, his actions have evinced only an interest in making himself comfortable. My needs have always taken a backseat, and the idea of him calling psychics to see how I'M doing is absolutely laughable.
The hardest part of my situation is that HE set some expectations in our relationship through his words that have not been followed through on. The main reason why I would call was trying to get insight on was, "How can someone who says these things not follow through on them? Did he really mean what he said?" But the reality is that it doesn't matter how he feels or didn't feel or why he said those things. I don't understand POI, but one thing I DO know is that he is NOT obsessing about how his actions and words have made ME feel.
I absolutely refuse to continue to call about him. I'm done.
It's been said many times before on this board but any relationship where one is constantly calling psychics to feel secure rather than feeling that security from the other person probably has some serious issues.
This relationship has been a huge learning experience for me. I'm not opposed to all readings, but if and when I start binging about another POI, that's a sign the POI is not right for me.
beachgal214:
loved both of those posts. so much truth. the line that stood out to me was past a certain point we are doing it to ourselves.
russianred:
--- Quote from: Still tired on February 01, 2020, 04:00:17 PM ---The problem was I wasn't paying attention to how I felt at all, because I was focused on him. And I didn't notice how he was focused on himself too. He was certainly aware of how I felt and how his actions affected me, and he was empathetic towards me, but at the same time he continued doing things that were centered on himself instead of the relationship. He was just really good at smoothing things over so I would go along with it.
--- End quote ---
Exactly the same here. I have been so focused on him and he has been so focused on himself for months and months. I feel sick over essentially enabling it to some extent. I've been focused on him to the point that I've been calling psychics for insight so I can better understand him. For whatever reason (character flaw, weak, indecisive, continued third-party involvement, selfishness... it doesn't matter), he is unable to give me what I need. For a long time I subconsciously saw that as a reflection on me. "If I am just more understanding, then he will..." etc. But it's not. He is the one with the problem, and I no longer want to try to understand it or get "insight" (either on my own or with psychics) into it because it is just sapping my energy.
Maybe he will be in a better place in the future where he is less self-focused and our timelines will match up. Maybe not.
I told him a month ago that we needed to take a break, but for the last month, I've been still mentally entangled in the situation. For the last few days, I am finally feeling detached and free. I don't owe this man anything, including understanding and patience, when he has given so little to me.
This conversation is very healing for me, thank you, ST.
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