And so the Wheel of Fortune did spin freely, and it kept spinning, spinning, spinning, until it collided with the Tower who crashed into the Devil and turned my world upside down.
The POI who I wrote this initial thread about has not returned. At this point in time, it’s probably best that he never returns, based on what follows. Someone did return into my life. In the past, he always showed up in readings as the Knight of Wands, passionately entering my life out of the blue, to just as quickly withdraw his energy. This is a person that broke my heart into countless little pieces, warped my mind to the point I lost my entire identity, made me so needy I turned myself inside out; he could make my spirits soar with joy only to plummet into despair. It took me years to stop chasing and to stop crying about him. Right when I thought I finally figured out his meaning in my life, accepted the fact that he was just a season in my life and not meant to last, does he come flying back in. There’s not one psychic that truly predicted this or prepared me for this. He’s an addiction for me, for reasons unknown. Just like an addict who relapses, I allowed him to once again enter me body, heart, and soul. I thought I could handle it this time around, that I knew better. Nah. He was only back into my life for a week before the neediness crept back into me along with deep depression. I don’t believe he truly understands the power he has over me, and I don’t believe he’s a bad person. He is a broken person, that has selfish tendencies, but I do not believe he completely lacks feelings for me. God knows that it took a lot on his part to return after some of the things I did to him and said to him to cut him down and slice him into pieces; I wanted him to hurt as much as he hurt me. So, I don’t believe he had bad intentions in returning, and if I wasn’t addicted to him, it may have gone alright. But he is toxic to me, he is poison. He is the drug I cannot get enough of, and is lethal to me.
I almost made it a month without getting a reading. Last night, I caved. I haven’t gone on a binge, but I did get two readings on him. None of the readers picked up on the fact that he has a longterm girlfriend who he lives with. It’s what the last reader, a tarot reader that is known to lean negative, told me that makes me just shake my head in disbelief. She told me that he and I could work out. That there are obstacles, but she couldn’t say that we wouldn’t work past them. She actually saw the three of pentacles meaning that we’d work together to get past the obstacles. The three of pentacles most likely came up bc of the third party situation. She did not pick up on the fact that he is toxic to me, that a third party is involved, or that he is an alcoholic. She told me that we could work out, we could make it. If I hadn’t already gone through this cycle with him, I would have clung to what she said, would have continued to invest my everything into him. Even after I told her what was going on, our toxic past, the third party, she still leaned positive towards him and me. I don’t really know what to think about any of that.
So what reader most likely saw him coming back? Sweet Orange Reader. She said she saw someone from my past returning and them smoothing things over with me. That he would drive a vehicle to see me, which is significant because we didn’t meet at a neutral location, he drove to my office, parked right out front and walked in. She saw him asking for my forgiveness, an emotion based discussion between us, and me forgiving him. All that happened. At the time, I thought she was talking about “C” when it ended up being “H”. Now, she also saw a committed relationship. Getting struck by lightening is more probable than “H” committing to me.
She didn’t see the anguish I would feel or the deep depression I am experiencing. She also didn’t see me making a head over heart decision and telling him that until he heals, he cannot be in my life. Or me telling him goodbye. Yes, I actually mean it. I cannot emotionally or financially afford to get caught up in that toxic cycle again. The worst is that he didn’t even plead for me to stay, just as in the past, he was indifferent.
Guys, I really don’t know what to say anymore. This situation hurts very badly and it came out of nowhere. Psychics don’t see everything.
It’s time for me to let the confusion subside. For now, it’s time for me to take a break. I wish you all the very best. May your hopes and dreams come true.
Yona sees a brown eyed King of Cups in my future, who is a stand-up kinda guy. “H” has eyes that are baby-blue.
