Dear Still tired,
Thanks for taking the time to read and respond--and share a bit of your story. I really appreciate it. This forum is all so new and shiny to me, because I have felt alone in this addiction for about 3 years now--it got really bad in 2017, lightened up for about 6 months between 2018-2019 and now is getting bad again. It's not as bad as it was last year, but still. It's a coping mechanism and I hate it. I hate myself for doing it. I would rather walk down the street naked, and I don't have a hot body. At all.
I don't call that much about work, but I call a lot about love--as I said in my post. And you're right--one reading, after 9 positive ones, can bring me down and then the cycle just intensifies--but why do I even need 9 readings, lets's say?? I have had a number of psychics who know me ask me to stop calling so many readers and I can't stop myself. What gets me is that I know the answers myself, and yet the exterior validation is what I crave--just to hear someone else tell me that I'm on the right track, even though I know I am--I can't trust myself. I talk to my therapist and some close friends but I don't want to talk to too many friends--calling psychics feel safer because to them, I'm just a username. For years, I overshared with friends--now, people have their own lives and they don't need to deal with me rehashing what did or didn't happen in my personal life.
I'm anxious to understand the source of it all--what validation I'm looking for and why because then I hope I can get out of it. And why, I have to call reader after reader after reader, when they all tell me the exact same thing--especially now. I called QoC18 in May and she said, "we talked the other day. Everything is ok. Why are you calling me back? Are you looking for problems?" I'm chasing my tail and I desperately want to stop.
So far, I've made it through the day without talking to anyone on Keen and that feels like an acheivement, because I've been calling at least once a day (sometimes just for a quick 3-minute hit) for the last few weeks. Right now, I'm really in the thick of things. Things with my POI are just coming off a rough patch and I'm so anxious about it--in my heart, I know what's going on, what will happen and that it will be ok. And, if for some reason it's not ok with him, it'll be ok with someone else, and I'll be fine, but reminding myself of that feels really hard and I'm just eager to grab onto something.
I'd be interested to know how you stopped calling and how you talked yourself down--I'm looking for solutions.
Thank you again!!