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Flashback - "The Definitive End"

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doubleoh8:
Hi all,

In an attempt to distract myself from calling a psychic, I often read through old threads. I find that reading stories that have played out help me see more clearly the negative impact calling psychics can have (not saying for everyone, but certainly for a lot of us), and that keeps me away from making calls.

Anyway, today I came across this story from a forum member who has been inactive since 2015 (part 2 below was her last post) and it was helpful to me so I thought I might start posting a weekly "flashback" story may help other people who are trying to quit or reduce calling as well.





--- Quote from: melancholia on November 03, 2014, 10:14:41 PM ---So my story of psychics has been a long one, and spanned several men over the past...geez, seven years now.   I started calling about a vet with PTSD who I was told was my soulmate (and obviously that didn't pan out), then about a married guy that was basically the rebound from that guy (again, also a soulmate who was totally going to leave his wife for me if I just held out...for five years, and didn't pan out) , and  most recently about my - very soon to be ex - fiancee.  Even when the psychics would get close to an answer about my love life, they would ultimately wind up being wrong. 

So I'm about to go break things off with my fiancee in a couple of hours, once I get off of work, because I finally found what it is that I really want - a guy who really loves me and who treats me like a princess and has been chasing me for years but I've been kind of rejecting because...well, because of many reasons I don't want to get into right now.  I haven't cheated on my fiancee, but the guy did kiss me and asked me to think about things, and I have, and I don't want to be in a relationship with someone I can't trust, with someone who's cheated on me repeatedly and lied to my face and been breathtakingly irresponsible in just about every way imaginable.  So I'm ending things today, and I'm telling the friend I've been kind of pushing away that I'm willing to give it a chance, because I know I can trust him.


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--- Quote from: melancholia on December 08, 2014, 02:32:20 PM ---Well, it's been a little over a month, and I haven't even felt the urge to call once.  I'm still on speaking terms with the ex, but that's as far as it has gone.  The current boyfriend (the friend I finally gave a shot) has been amazing, things are going better than I've ever had them go, and despite my (pretty serious) trust issues I'm mostly able to trust him without too many issues (though there have been moments and he's been amazingly understanding).

This is probably a sign that the relationship is healthy.  In all the previous ones, the need to call was fueled by an unhealthy relationship - my most recent ex, I had started calling shortly into the start of the relationship, and I think that was because I was already seeing red flags even then.  This time around, not only have I not felt the urge to call, but I've actually felt an aversion to the idea - like, on the rare occasion someone has asked me whether I've spoken to any "advisors" about this guy, my response has been borderline disgust at the idea...that's something I've never experienced before.   It led me to believe that maybe the urge to seek out help from these "advisors" is a red flag in and of itself - we know something is very wrong, that the relationship is healthy, and that maybe we either shouldn't be in it or that maybe something needs to change, but because people are all programmed to resist change we turn to these people in the hopes that they'll tell us everything will be okay without us actually having to adjust anything.  Maybe if the urge to call comes up in these relationships, it's better to either seek help from a relationship counselor or, if it's still new (or the partner is unwilling), just walk away and find something healthy.

Those are just idle thoughts I've had of late.  I know that not everyone's situation is the same and presuming to understand anyone else's motives for calling is ridiculous, but I felt like it could be interesting food for thought.

So the new relationship is amazing.  He's not just understanding but also kind of has his stuff together, if you get my meaning.  He's clearly not just interested in a physical relationship, and we've already had the, "what direction do we want to take this, are we both interested in marriage and kids, what would living together look like, please don't make me get a cat because I'm a dog person for a reason," talk (which would seem fast except that we've known each other for so long prior to dating that it kind of makes sense, and we're not planning on taking action on any of these things RIGHT NOW) (also, not knocking cats - I'm just super allergic and also most cats I've met have been jerks with only two exceptions who were super sweet and this is a tangent I should end). Communication is incredible - he's very open, and I've gotten much better about not holding back what I'm thinking/feeling (though I still have some work to do in that arena). Evidently this is what a healthy relationship looks like, and I'm really starting to think that I've never actually been in one.

I really hope everyone who is still caught in the obsessive calling cycle is able to break out of it, even if you still choose to call sometimes for updates, and that you are able to get to a place where you no longer feel that need.  Believe me - I know that feeling, and it's awful.  It's like you're not in control of your life anymore, and it sucks.

(Just as an aside, and I can't remember if I mentioned this in any other post but it just popped into my head - before I agreed to go out with him I did briefly ask Kisha about my current boyfriend prior to the ex's marriage proposal and she said she didn't see it going anywhere, that it was idle flirtation and that he wasn't ever serious about it, and that it'd pass and we'd be back to barely talking by the end of November.  She was dead wrong.  He is (and apparently has been) very serious.)

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almondtree:
Thank you for sharing. It helps me.

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