My boyfriend does heroin :/ and his dickhead best friend that he lives with sells it to him and gives it to him. The whole situation is a mess. I know I need to stay away and disengage from him and from psychics for awhile.
I’m so sorry. Addiction no matter what kind is rough.
I’ve been wanting to update
My problem is... it’s not just the psychics. It’s me
I’m insecure
I’m jealous
I’m always looking for someone... and my brain can’t help it.
I’m a love addict, with codependency tendencies still.
I have BPD... and I thought I was doing much better, but I had a binge... and just when I was starting to raise my credit score.
Me and poi, I thought we were good. We’ve been getting closer, talking about moving in together, but I haven’t heard from in almost a week, and I still easily freak out. What will I do when we do live together? - it’s not just the psychics, it’s my insecurities too... it’s ALSO him, not about blaming but he’s not a healthy individual. He’s emotionally just not available even to himself. It’s such a huge mirror for me in many different angles. The girl I am jealous of (a friend girl of his, whom he had a mini crush, and says it’s done and not even an issue... and yet my jealousy still stirs) has a lot similar qualities like me, and I think she just went for it with her career... and I haven’t done that. And for me going for it, for my career, doesn’t leave much room for him to catch up, and it scares me... is this how I am limiting myself. It’s ironic, cause here he is admiring someone (or so I think) who “went for it”, and here I am trying to do what I think what would bring us closer, but not focusing on my well being.
I just think it’s more complicated than just psychics. When I do work on myself and am honest I can see where me and POI get closer, we still fight but our fights have even been different, where we can talk without blaming and realize how much care a lot about each other... but at the same time, I can’t work on him like project, it’s so hard to let them be... and really trust him. No matter how hard I try... but also a guy, who cares about me, wouldn’t care about hurting another girls feelings and insecurities, for mine. And here’s where I go back and forth. How do I trust that?
I’m feeling very sad and Eeyore like
Awww this made me sad! I can relate so much. How long have you been seeing each other? I so badly wish I could just let go and move on, and forget this part of my life ever existed. I wish I could find someone who doesn’t make me even question their feelings or their motives. I have so many other offers of love, but I’m too wrapped up in this guy to act on anything else. I’ve tried. And I’m the same. I was insecure and questioned everything. I used to make him nonstop reassure me. I know a part of him distancing himself is because of my behaviour too. You aren’t alone ❤️
