He has had a very traumatic past with his first girlfriend (the mother of his kids that he was with since he was young) and also growing up. He was never really taught ‘love’ which I guess has impacted our relationship and our ability to get close. I’ve tried for 12 years and the closer we get, the further away he runs...
Whatever love is, is very strange. Everything each one of you said is correct. I agree that people can only love you the way they know how. It is such a deep and profound statement abd I think if we were to understand that we would be much happier or rather accepting of a situation. My ex husband took me for granted. I stayed with him for seven years and I gave up but the minute I gave up I saw him change into this different person. While we were married he never treated me right, always hurt me, never paid attention to what I needed. When I told him I was moving on he cried and begged for me to stay and promised me he'd change and I did stay and he did change but may be for a week?? Lol. And then I realized that change in a very deep level is too difficult if not impossible. We're divorced now but very good friends. He loves me and it's really strange that however we are today, we were together as a married couple and probably we mistook our love for each other for a different kind of love. I'm not sure that this experience is really relevant here but I couldn't stop myself because I felt like sharing how one person's expectation of love might not be what the other person knows of love or might not know how to deliver it.
Yes, but if a person loves you and aren't capable, once you discuss it with them (and they are afraid of losing you) wouldn't they put more of an effort into it? They would for their job if they knew they were going to get fired; they would for their car if it was about to break down.
Personally, I'm kind of sick of the excuses that are made and the excuses we except as the legitimate answer. Being taught love is only one aspect. Are you telling me if you were never taught how to tie your shoes, you'd never learn? That isn't even logical. To walk through life saying I don't Know, I don't know...Well, go find out. What is in you that makes you treat a person unlovingly or whatever quest you need to be on.
People do learn by example and people can learn by seeing what's out there and change what they lack to make it better. It doesn't sound hard to me, but trying and doing are two different things.
