I know forgiveness has to come into play in my life at this point but I am not sure who to forgive.
Should I forgive myself, or the "readers" or the POIs. I think I need to forgive myself because I am only human but how I can forgive this level of stupidity where I am throwing away my hard earned money to find out whether the person who walked away from me still loves me? Just how f*cking stupid is this? And I am ashamed to say, I did this with not one but two guys. Which means I never learned from my first mistake and went down the same route second time. This is self sabotage where I am putting my mental health and my finances in jeopardy. If I were to see a friend doing this, I would call them out on it and try to talk sense into them. So, despite knowing the truth, I continued down this dark path. So, do I even deserve forgiveness?
Should I forgive the "readers"? I understand that SOME OF THEM HAVE REAL POWERS but a lot of them are just con artists. They often blame free will if something does not play the way they predicted it would. But, if free will were the deciding factor and you cannot see beyond that, what's their use even? I had been reading with this one psychic on Bitwine and he kept pushing the dates and when I asked him about why is this happening, he said your POI keeps changing his mind about contact. Okay! So, what's your use if you can't see him changing his mind? And even if they have real powers why would you charge $50.00/ MINUTE!!! I don't make even half that in an hour. Another good one is prediction was pushed or did not pass because I held on to it tightly. But again it's all my stupidity for feeding into this, so do they deserve my forgiveness for preying on my vulnerability?
Should I forgive the POIs? Let's call them B and P. B lasted in my life for 9 months and it was nothing but hurt throughout the whole time. I let him use me as he pleased. He would ask me to run his errands, he used me whenever he needed rides and constantly complained about my driving. Go figure lol. He would be gone for a month but once he was back he would hit me up and ask me to pick him up and I would go. I am so embarrassed of myself even typing this. So much so, he had to get out of the country for work and he ended things with me saying this cannot go anywhere but I was the one who dropped him off at the airport. That must have been the most painful thing in my life ever and mind you, I have seen some pretty bleak shit. Even after he left, he asked me to drop some stuff for his buddy and transport his stuff to his trailer. But then after that, he hasn't texted me, not once. That was January 2018. By the time he left, I was on meds because I was all f'cked up in my head. I decided to work on myself and what not and I did just that. I travelled, I worked on making myself happy and P comes in my life in November. He was crazy about me, smitten, would not stop staring at me. Would want to meet me three days in a row.We'd stay up all night because he'd "rather not sleep and look at me" all night. I had never received that much attention from anyone and everything's going great but all of a sudden right before Christmas he tells me we shouldn't see each other anymore. And, I was pushed down the same rabbit hole one more time. Do they deserve forgiveness? Probably, yes since it is on me for letting them treat me like a rug.
I am trying to take control of that situation now, but I really have not been able to. I have read with so many people that it is not even funny, I am sure just as much as you guys if not more. All the platforms, independent readers and everything in between have done nothing but taken my money. 95% gave me false hope and the remaining 5% I refused to listen to lol.
I am just angry at myself, for being such a sore loser. This is not meant to hurt anyone but I needed to vent. I hope whoever reads this takes away a lesson from this. I am lingering around the idea of forgiveness. I am trying to forgive myself but realizing that I have always been my worst enemy does not help. Like a lot of other men/ women here who have been victimized (don't like this term) by people who have commitment issues but have no issues playing with someone's resources and lives, I am compelled to think, are they worthy of forgiveness? The so called psychics...let's not even go there. I still have respect for a few genuine ones out there who are there to really help but the ones who live in a third world country and charge insane dollar amounts on the basis of almost nothing, are they to be forgiven?
Sorry for such a long post folks. I have to say though, this forum and reviews from all of you have saved me a lot. I am extremely grateful for that. I also want to apologize if this upsets anyone. My only intention here is to just get what's in my head out.