Forgiveness

[happyk]

I know forgiveness has to come into play in my life at this point but I am not sure who to forgive.

Should I forgive myself, or the "readers" or the POIs. I think I need to forgive myself because I am only human but how I can forgive this level of stupidity where I am throwing away my hard earned money to find out whether the person who walked away from me still loves me? Just how f*cking stupid is this? And I am ashamed to say, I did this with not one but two guys. Which means I never learned from my first mistake and went down the same route second time. This is self sabotage where I am putting my mental health and my finances in jeopardy. If I were to see a friend doing this, I would call them out on it and try to talk sense into them. So, despite knowing the truth, I continued down this dark path. So, do I even deserve forgiveness?

Should I forgive the "readers"? I understand that SOME OF THEM HAVE REAL POWERS but a lot of them are just con artists. They often blame free will if something does not play the way they predicted it would. But, if free will were the deciding factor and you cannot see beyond that, what's their use even? I had been reading with this one psychic on Bitwine and he kept pushing the dates and when I asked him about why is this happening, he said your POI keeps changing his mind about contact. Okay! So, what's your use if you can't see him changing his mind? And even if they have real powers why would you charge $50.00/ MINUTE!!! I don't make even half that in an hour. Another good one is prediction was pushed or did not pass because I held on to it tightly. But again it's all my stupidity for feeding into this, so do they deserve my forgiveness for preying on my vulnerability?

Should I forgive the POIs? Let's call them B and P. B lasted in my life for 9 months and it was nothing but hurt throughout the whole time. I let him use me as he pleased. He would ask me to run his errands, he used me whenever he needed rides and constantly complained about my driving. Go figure lol. He would be gone for a month but once he was back he would hit me up and ask me to pick him up and I would go. I am so embarrassed of myself even typing this. So much so, he had to get out of the country for work and he ended things with me saying this cannot go anywhere but I was the one who dropped him off at the airport. That must have been the most painful thing in my life ever and mind you, I have seen some pretty bleak shit. Even after he left, he asked me to drop some stuff for his buddy and transport his stuff to his trailer. But then after that, he hasn't texted me, not once. That was January 2018. By the time he left, I was on meds because I was all f'cked up in my head. I decided to work on myself and what not and I did just that. I travelled, I worked on making myself happy and P comes in my life in November. He was crazy about me, smitten, would not stop staring at me. Would want to meet me three days in a row.We'd stay up all night because he'd "rather not sleep and look at me" all night. I had never received that much attention from anyone and everything's going great but all of a sudden right before Christmas he tells me we shouldn't see each other anymore. And, I was pushed down the same rabbit hole one more time. Do they deserve forgiveness? Probably, yes since  it is on me for letting them treat me like a rug.

I am trying to take control of that situation now, but I really have not been able to. I have read with so many people that it is not even funny, I am sure just as much as you guys if not more. All the platforms, independent readers and everything in between have done nothing but taken my money. 95% gave me false hope and the remaining 5% I refused to listen to lol.

I am just angry at myself, for being such a sore loser. This is not meant to hurt anyone but I needed to vent. I hope whoever reads this takes away a lesson from this. I am lingering around the idea of forgiveness. I am trying to forgive myself but realizing that I have always been my worst enemy does not help. Like a lot of other men/ women here who have been victimized (don't like this term) by people who have commitment issues but have no issues playing with someone's resources and lives, I am compelled to think, are they worthy of forgiveness? The so called psychics...let's not even go there. I still have respect for a few genuine ones out there who are there to really help but the ones who live in a third world country and charge insane dollar amounts on the basis of almost nothing, are they to be forgiven?

Sorry for such a long post folks. I have to say though, this forum and reviews from all of you have saved me a lot. I am extremely grateful for that. I also want to apologize if this upsets anyone. My only intention here is to just get what's in my head out.

[ladya]

Hugsss

[Flyingsoul]

You may not be able to see or know for those who had done bad in their life, they will have their karma one day come to them in different form. Forgiveness to others and yourself will only bring peace to you. The lessons that you learn through hardship will make you stronger. Remember, there are many beautiful things in life yet to explore, that will truly bring you happiness Hugs!!

[happyk]

Thanks guys. With these lessons and that amount of money I could've gotten a real degree. Sigh.

[josh34]

I would like to tell you something. Your heart wants what it wants. You're asking because of your heart. So with that, you should never beat yourself up for that, and shouldnt feel bad for following it. Is it the right thing to get readings for this answer? Only you can make that call.

But we are here for you, and I'm sending all the happiness your way <<3 I pray you get what your heart desires! You deserve it!!!!

[Fidget1028]

Forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Forgive everyone, including yourself. It's the first step to getting peace back in your life.

[sawthelight]

Forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Forgive everyone, including yourself. It's the first step to getting peace back in your life.

This ^^

Hugs to you happyk. You sound like an amazing person and you will see light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t beat yourself up for being a good person and trying to see people past their flaws.

[sawthelight]

I feel like the most important person to forgive (and maybe the hardest) is yourself. I'm not sure that the others matter if you forgive them or not. I could say that I forgive my ex but if he walked back into my life? I'd just be mad at him all over again. The same if any of those readers ever played with my head again. The only one who can stop those things from happening is me, by moving on and making different choices. I can only forgive myself for not doing it sooner. If nothing else, you could look at it is a matter of being practical and just getting on with things. It isn't about deserving forgiveness. We all deserve to get on with our lives, and maybe the people around us deserve it too.

As for other people...I think it's not something that we "do" or choose to do. Real forgiveness comes in its own time, usually when you are not looking for it. If you try to do it too soon, it is like closing up a wound that didn't heal properly. It's okay to be angry. From a rational point of view, the people who fail us in whatever way are only human like we are. They make mistakes, and they face whatever consequences come from that. A lot of times you can understand the other side and even think well, I really did this to myself. But that really has very little to do with how you feel. It takes time to get through all the feelings you have about what happened. It just takes however long it takes. One day you realize your feelings have changed, or you don't think about it so much anymore. And it can come and go in waves, but eventually even that stops.

I did this twice too, with 2 different exes, who didn't deserve a bit of it...and now, I don't want to get into details but I have realized just how different my life should have been, if I hadn't wasted so much time on these two exes. And I feel like, because of it, I failed other people who are so much more deserving, who needed me. That is the hardest thing to face in all of this, not what I did to myself, or what others did to me, but what I failed to do for others because of my own willfulness.

What I learned from all of it though is it does no good at all to keep going over what happened, what you did wrong or what you might have done differently. It changes nothing. What will be, will be. People are like forces of nature. We probably like to think of ourselves as having more autonomy than that. But the smallest choices we make, build momentum and add up to the big decisions that sweep us away. Accepting who you are and what you have done lets you see those choices more clearly. And forgiving ourselves releases us from the compulsion to do it over again.

I can so relate to this too.  I feel like I let so many good opportunities go, while waiting for and pining over the first POI I called about.  I just couldn't let him go for some reason and I so regret all the time I wasted on him.   I almost isolated myself, in a way, just waiting and waiting. The readings made it worse, convincing me I wasn't wasting my time, when I really was.

[happyk]

I understand forgiveness is underrated but it's always been the most challenging thing for me. May be that's a lesson I need to learn. I'm usually able to forgive others but myself. But thank you for your support guys. I can't tell you how much this forum had helped me. I've been reading reviews here since forever.

Looking back I regret my decisions too, I'm only wasting time and money and breath and what not but at that moment that's all that mattered. I thought I learned me lesson but apparently not. The only thing that I can do now is to not be vulnerable anymore. I know it sounds bad when I say I'm gonna close myself up but that's the only way I can protect myself.

[happyk]

I understand forgiveness is underrated but it's always been the most challenging thing for me. May be that's a lesson I need to learn. I'm usually able to forgive others but myself. But thank you for your support guys. I can't tell you how much this forum had helped me. I've been reading reviews here since forever.

Looking back I regret my decisions too, I'm only wasting time and money and breath and what not but at that moment that's all that mattered. I thought I learned me lesson but apparently not. The only thing that I can do now is to not be vulnerable anymore. I know it sounds bad when I say I'm gonna close myself up but that's the only way I can protect myself.

It doesn't sound bad. I had to do the same thing. I tend to want to see the best in people even when they prove me wrong and that has been a big problem for me. But it's not so easy to just change that tendency. So I protect myself by being distant or closed off. Sometimes we just have certain traits that we can't change so you do what you have to do to protect that. Your biggest weakness could also be what you treasure most about yourself or what eventually helps you find happiness. Society kind of teaches us to put out what we value in ourselves to prove our worth (whether in a relationship, job, school, etc.) When the reality is you need to carefully protect what you value and reserve it for those who genuinely value it rather than taking advantage of it or taking it for granted.

You are right Still Tired. I have so much love to give and I forget to notice who's worthy and who's not. Even after I get hurt, instead of moving on I keep thinking what did I do wrong. How f*cked up if that? Anyone in my life would be lucky to have me and so many people depend on me and trust me but these men instead of appreciating me just walk all over me. I think a lot of us here have that in common. We should start a dating thing right here lol.

[sawthelight]

It's sad that there are shitty men (and women) like this out there.  And they always seem to target the nice ones, rarely do they meet someone like them...I had a psychic tell me once that I tend to attract these broken types, and it honestly made sense to me.

It's funny, I dated this real jerk a few summers ago.  Just a total inconsiderate moron...and I thought he was so nice at first.  But when push came to shove and I was going through something, he just disappeared on me and acted like a fool...so I cut him off.

I recently saw he was in a new relationship on facebook (I still can see his profile even though we are no longer friends on there).  I remember thinknig what is this woman on that she's involved with him..and they were posting all these lovey dovey pics...And long behold, less than two months later, they're no longer together.  I hate to say it, but I was happy to see that, because he's such a jerk and he doesn't deserve anyone good in his life.

[happyk]

I think I mentioned it before somewhere here but these people are not ready to settle because they think they're too good to be bound to one person. However, eventually they'd either have to grow old alone or they'd settle with their last option and let that person believe that they're lucky because the "player" decided to settle with him/her. I wonder what kind of values would they give to their children. How would they react to know their daughter was in love with a guy who just wants to be a FWB with her 🤷🏻‍♀️? It's like they're all denying love. A lot of men seem to make an excuse that they were hurt in the past and that's why they don't want to open up to another person WTF! I get it, to an extent but how does one person f*uck you up so much that you go around screwing 10 other people's heads? Where's their conscience? I'm so angry right now.

[happyk]

I understand forgiveness is underrated but it's always been the most challenging thing for me. May be that's a lesson I need to learn. I'm usually able to forgive others but myself. But thank you for your support guys. I can't tell you how much this forum had helped me. I've been reading reviews here since forever.

Looking back I regret my decisions too, I'm only wasting time and money and breath and what not but at that moment that's all that mattered. I thought I learned me lesson but apparently not. The only thing that I can do now is to not be vulnerable anymore. I know it sounds bad when I say I'm gonna close myself up but that's the only way I can protect myself.

It doesn't sound bad. I had to do the same thing. I tend to want to see the best in people even when they prove me wrong and that has been a big problem for me. But it's not so easy to just change that tendency. So I protect myself by being distant or closed off. Sometimes we just have certain traits that we can't change so you do what you have to do to protect that. Your biggest weakness could also be what you treasure most about yourself or what eventually helps you find happiness. Society kind of teaches us to put out what we value in ourselves to prove our worth (whether in a relationship, job, school, etc.) When the reality is you need to carefully protect what you value and reserve it for those who genuinely value it rather than taking advantage of it or taking it for granted.

You are right Still Tired. I have so much love to give and I forget to notice who's worthy and who's not. Even after I get hurt, instead of moving on I keep thinking what did I do wrong. How f*cked up if that? Anyone in my life would be lucky to have me and so many people depend on me and trust me but these men instead of appreciating me just walk all over me. I think a lot of us here have that in common. We should start a dating thing right here lol.

Ye I have always said my capacity to love and my loyalty has been my biggest strength but also my biggest weakness. I can count on less than one hand the amount of people i have come across in my life who can give me what i give them (both friendship and love). I used to get bitter and not understand but have come to learn we all have different capacities for love and relationships. just is what it is.

Yea, but what about the ones that deceive us? This last guy, I swear to God almost made me believe that he was madly in love with me only to dunno me next day. That's misleading. Smg.

[sawthelight]

I hear you happy..I've often wondered that myself.  I'm just glad my experience with that first POI didn't bitter me to other men, I'm just more aware of the "warning signs" now and act accordingly.  But I'm still very open to love and would never mistreat another guy because of what he did to me.

[happyk]

I understand forgiveness is underrated but it's always been the most challenging thing for me. May be that's a lesson I need to learn. I'm usually able to forgive others but myself. But thank you for your support guys. I can't tell you how much this forum had helped me. I've been reading reviews here since forever.

Looking back I regret my decisions too, I'm only wasting time and money and breath and what not but at that moment that's all that mattered. I thought I learned me lesson but apparently not. The only thing that I can do now is to not be vulnerable anymore. I know it sounds bad when I say I'm gonna close myself up but that's the only way I can protect myself.

It doesn't sound bad. I had to do the same thing. I tend to want to see the best in people even when they prove me wrong and that has been a big problem for me. But it's not so easy to just change that tendency. So I protect myself by being distant or closed off. Sometimes we just have certain traits that we can't change so you do what you have to do to protect that. Your biggest weakness could also be what you treasure most about yourself or what eventually helps you find happiness. Society kind of teaches us to put out what we value in ourselves to prove our worth (whether in a relationship, job, school, etc.) When the reality is you need to carefully protect what you value and reserve it for those who genuinely value it rather than taking advantage of it or taking it for granted.

You are right Still Tired. I have so much love to give and I forget to notice who's worthy and who's not. Even after I get hurt, instead of moving on I keep thinking what did I do wrong. How f*cked up if that? Anyone in my life would be lucky to have me and so many people depend on me and trust me but these men instead of appreciating me just walk all over me. I think a lot of us here have that in common. We should start a dating thing right here lol.

Ye I have always said my capacity to love and my loyalty has been my biggest strength but also my biggest weakness. I can count on less than one hand the amount of people i have come across in my life who can give me what i give them (both friendship and love). I used to get bitter and not understand but have come to learn we all have different capacities for love and relationships. just is what it is.

Yea, but what about the ones that deceive us? This last guy, I swear to God almost made me believe that he was madly in love with me only to dunno me next day. That's misleading. Smg.

Idk I never had experience with that cause im quite detached and standoffish for quite a while when i meet people so I dont believe them anyway LOL until its proven theyre not full of sh*t. But thats typical of people nowadays. people are really flakey and misleading. I dont believe in love at first sight so when a guy is all obsessed with me and doesn't know me Its just infatuation so to me thats all just empty bs.

What's your ascendant Ladya? You know how Jupiterian I am. I have nothing but love. I am on this rescue mission where I pick up all these dysfunctional men. But who am I to talk. People can see Daddy issues oozing out of me lol.