Not to sound like a total weirdo or make you feel uncomfortable in anyway.
This is what I did and it helped - I started seeing a therapist.
Never did before and honestly didn’t believe in it but, oh my god.
The exercises I went through with her were very difficult, I talked about things I didn’t want to, and read letters aloud, spoke aloud, etc to the person I didn’t have answers from.
I would leave crying my eyes out. I don’t seek readings anymore, I try my best to make my own reality.
But...when I went home, I’d feel peace and like I just needed to let all that pain and darkness out.
Just having someone to talk to for an hour out of the week was so extremely beneficial. They don’t judge you and know how to handle to help yourself get to where you want to be.
Again, I don’t want to overstep any boundaries and not saying you need it at all since I don’t know your situation, but that is what I did and it really did help me accept my situation and improve who I am as a person.
I wish you the absolute best and know all pain passes