Not doing great

[flora0250]

Ugh. You know I was doing really well and now I’ve totally messed up and gone on a binge I feel awful about it and can’t help convincing myself of the worst. It’s like I’m the opposite of believing the fairy tale readers, instead I’m positively convinced that those giving me a positive outcome are just wrong. And let me make sure this is clear. It’s not an instinct thing. My instinct is like totally gone these days. It’s not like I know in my heart things won’t eork out. It’s that I’m terrified of things going positively and it seems after all this time of crappy relationships that it would be impossible for it to go well so I have the hardest time believing even those that seem to be the best readers when they do tell me anything positive.

Which according to some - means I then CREATE the negative reality I don’t want!!!

Why can’t I just relax and be okay with whatever happens and not worry and just allow the possibility that it COULD be a good outcome?

The readers where I have ended up sharing info - which it’s so hArd NOT to do - have generally given me negative outcome readings. But guess what? Those very few that have just gone off without me saying anything or giving any info? Cookie (at first) - Mattie, Nina... a couple others - have given me the most positive outcome - and I mean that those three in particular didn’t just feed me a fairy tale without any validating info - Shelly even had a positive path ahead - and her markers have passed - several! So why can’t I just relax and stop calling readers who I then tell I haven’t spoken with him in so long and then I doubt if they are really telling me the truth that things won’t work out or if they are just giving me a cold read??

Anyway so this is the vent section. So there’s my vent!!

[Miller1336]

I feel the same way today. Very low...sending you a hug.

[flora0250]

I feel the same way today. Very low...sending you a hug.

Thank you so much - many back your way. I wrote a thread asking people what helped them finally stop getting readings and it was very empowering to me, you might take a look (i happened to see your other post). It is a horrible horrible cycle and all I can think is that I really have to recognize this as an impulse control problem / anxiety issue and I really might need to seek some kind of help or medication or treatment at this point before I completely ruin myself financially and emotionally. I think I have a handle on it ... and then I binge. And even when I have readings I feel positive about that really have been very specific.

So I get a negative reading? My reaction - are you SURE?!? Maybe I gave them leading info and it was a cold read.

I get a positive reading? My reaction - are you SURE?!? Maybe I should see if the most negative readers say the same. THEN I’ll really believe it. Maybe they’re just selling me a fairy tale.

I swear I can’t win. There’s no winning with this cyclical behavior there isn’t.

I don’t know what to say but I know I will get to the point of stopping. Last time it was a couple years and many thousands of dollars. This time it’s been less than a year and I have a lot less money. But still, it’s so hard. So so hard. Thanks again for reaching out and sending strength and hugs back.

[Dreamer23]

I totally feel you, it is so so hard. The thought pattern that you are having, I can so relate to that! I don't trust any reader - positive or negative and then I end up getting more readings. It's a cycle.

I feel like one of the ways to break the cycle is to find a way to communicate with POI, then you will at least know what's going on. If that's not possible, then keeping yourself busy is another way.

I hope you feel better soon!!!

[flora0250]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I can relate to everything you all wrote here in this thread because I have been there, and worse. It does get better I promise. It took me years to break the cycle but I finally did. I hope that no one would have to take as long as I did but you know what? I could have stopped sooner, I just let it become too much of a habit.

No matter what they say in readings...we don't know what will happen, until it happens. Things never turned out as good as the best predictions they gave me, but also, never turned out as bad as the worst ones. The reality usually turns out somewhere in between and life goes on about the same way as usual. They build you up with all sorts of expectations, and that is always going to generate anxiety because it's not in the here and now. It's like you start reacting emotionally to things that haven't even happened yet, and it affects you physically. It helps to focus on what is real, what is tangible, what is literally happening in the moment you are in. That's where life is, real life...it's NOT in stories about the future. The more time we spend caught up in those stories, the less we spend in real life.

I know how hard it is and I remember well why I couldn't just stay with the moment and why I would just keep getting readings. The emotions I felt were just so overwhelming I couldn't even focus my mind on anything. It was sort of like having a panic attack, but it was more complex? Like anxiety anger and grief all rolled up together. When it hit me like that I would binge. The best thing to do is learn what triggers you to go on binges and have a plan for how to handle it. Like I noticed I was really emotionally sensitive about certain things and I had to kind of baby myself about those things for awhile. Not forever but you know just like if you have an injury, a physical injury? You take extra good care of that part of you so it can heal and get stronger. It is the same way with emotional injuries or anxieties.

And maybe get checked out to be sure you don't have something physical going on? When you say, my instinct is gone, I wonder if something is off in your body. There are mineral deficiencies and that sort of thing that can make us more prone to anxiety. Most people don't get enough magnesium these days and it makes a big difference. I also needed iodine. I found out I have asthma and my breathing problems were making my anxiety worse. Whatever it is...even small changes can make a big difference in how you cope. It could be eating or sleeping habits need to change. Take good care of yourself, you are worth it. I wonder if sometimes that's what we try to show ourselves, with readings, like wanting to know we are worth the money we are spending on it? There is no amount of money equal to your worth as a person, and the value of your well-being. So please try not to regret the money already spent, and instead think of ways you could spend it on yourself doing something you truly enjoy, or taking care of yourself.

Thank you so much... with all the blah blah blah words I vented you would think I could come up with more than “thank you.” But honestly you are right about everything and I just so much appreciate your taking the time to read and respond and offer support .... I don’t know what else to say. Yes I will focus on reality - the reality being I am still feeling the effects of a marriage that turned emotionally abusive that had lasting impacts in so many ways that it is so hard for me to get back to dating... and to forgive myself a little because this man was the first person I felt any kind of real connection with in years ... so of course it’s hard. But I need to accept this man is not contacting me for whatever reason, either because he’s actually still going through his own divorce journey or because he’s genuinely not into me and lied to me... or whatever the reason it doesn’t really matter.

But I don’t think I’m ready to date again yet. I just am not strong enough to go through the heartbreak again right now if I were to get emotionally invested. Which is hard because I end up by myself a lot. I like myself - I love being alone and doing my own thing I’m very independent -  but it is a long time to be alone again.

Anyway. Thank you again. Thank you and yes I will try to focus on what’s real, keep myself busy, fight the mental demons that make me feel so guilty for spending money on this.

Thank you for all you wrote.

[flora0250]

I feel the same way today. Very low...sending you a hug.

Thank you so much - many back your way. I wrote a thread asking people what helped them finally stop getting readings and it was very empowering to me, you might take a look (i happened to see your other post). It is a horrible horrible cycle and all I can think is that I really have to recognize this as an impulse control problem / anxiety issue and I really might need to seek some kind of help or medication or treatment at this point before I completely ruin myself financially and emotionally. I think I have a handle on it ... and then I binge. And even when I have readings I feel positive about that really have been very specific.

So I get a negative reading? My reaction - are you SURE?!? Maybe I gave them leading info and it was a cold read.

I get a positive reading? My reaction - are you SURE?!? Maybe I should see if the most negative readers say the same. THEN I’ll really believe it. Maybe they’re just selling me a fairy tale.

I swear I can’t win. There’s no winning with this cyclical behavior there isn’t.

I don’t know what to say but I know I will get to the point of stopping. Last time it was a couple years and many thousands of dollars. This time it’s been less than a year and I have a lot less money. But still, it’s so hard. So so hard. Thanks again for reaching out and sending strength and hugs back.

I can totally relate to everything that was said

I was tempted to start a thread about this but didn’t know how to phrase it other than ...
I am having anxiety about all my good news 😭😭😭 It could be my wedding day to my SO and I would still feel this anxious and upset about my good news... like I don’t believe it or deserve it

As someone who suffers from anxiety hugs to you to.

Thank you so much - lots of hugs back. Yes I’ve thought that too. If a man were to ask me to marry him I *still* would feel like he’s going to leave. I don’t think it would be until we actually got married that I wouldn’t think that. And even then I might think that. for me it goes back to the end of my marriage and what happened and that if the man who promised to be with me all those years and who I loved from the time I was 18 all those years ... if that man who said he loved me could treat me the way he did and then decide our marriage wasn’t worth working on.... then how can I ever trust any man?

I know that’s the root of my anxiety. I don’t know how I will ever overcome it.

[flora0250]

I totally feel you, it is so so hard. The thought pattern that you are having, I can so relate to that! I don't trust any reader - positive or negative and then I end up getting more readings. It's a cycle.

I feel like one of the ways to break the cycle is to find a way to communicate with POI, then you will at least know what's going on. If that's not possible, then keeping yourself busy is another way.

I hope you feel better soon!!!

Thank you Dreamer... wish we hadn’t left things so open ended. We left it as maybe we’d get back together after he was through all he was going through with his divorce and feeling free from that. Never should have left things that way. When we last texted he told me he was seeing someone but still even then it wasn’t like he seemed that serious about it... to me anyway.... maybe he is / was and he just didn’t want me to feel bad. I have no idea. I can’t stand when men try to protect you from hurt so they lie.

Anyway regardless I won’t reach out to him again. At this point I just need to keep myself busy and keep my head in the reality of the situation and accept the present and focus on taking care of myself. But as I posted I just don’t think I’m ready to go through heartbreak again. And I really did believe there was something special between us or I wouldn’t have let myself become as emotionally invested as I did. I really believed the universe sent him my way for a reason and it’s still hard for me to shake it. That was what my intuition told me when we met and I really trusted it. I am not the kind of woman to think that about every man I date.

Anyway. Thank you again. Xoxoxo

[LAW1974]

Just throwing this out there....  you think it was the lunar eclipse?  It was supposed to really mess everything up?  Couod it have made you all feel uneasy?

[sawthelight]

Flora, I can so relate.  It's a really hard addiction to break.  At the end of the day, I think readings do more harm than good for most.  A lot of times, they keep us hanging on to toxic situations much longer than we would/should otherwise.

Stilltired is 100% right in that it becomes like a bad habit..something a lot of us depend on to make us feel better, albeit only temporarily. 

[Fidget1028]

Flora, I completely understand after 2 years of readings. It's not a coincidence that no readers saw that my future included endless readings and getting myself out of debt from them.

I suggest meditation and finding something you enjoy to immerse yourself in. I go a bit manic in cleaning and I fill my calendar with busy stuff...activities with my kids, joining group/committees, volunteering, etc. By the end of the day I'm physically/mentally exhausted. But the urge to call becomes less and I am developing new positives that are slowly taking the place of my POI obsession. It's a work in progress, but I am finally getting back on my feet. My obsession now is to accept the actual money I spent and find creative ways to budget and fix the mess I created.

[flora0250]

Appreciate all the support and suggestions so much. Thanks for the love all - like I said think this is really a product of having gone through difficulties in my marriage and probably just need someone to talk to about it and practical ways of coping with it. Think I will try some other avenues before medication but so much appreciate all the support!

[Fidget1028]

Appreciate all the support and suggestions so much. Thanks for the love all - like I said think this is really a product of having gone through difficulties in my marriage and probably just need someone to talk to about it and practical ways of coping with it. Think I will try some other avenues before medication but so much appreciate all the support!

Meditation, not medication!! I think you misread!

[Miss Philosopher]

Hey Flora. I'm very sorry you are going through that as well. Looks like many of us can resonate with that feeling. I had seen a post on here from Law mentioning the lunar eclipse. You may not be into astrology but those are known to cause high levels of anxiety and very charged emotions as well. So it may have been that blip. I also had a sort of a knee jerk break down last night and contacted Shaman Kira again due to some confusing messages being sent to me from my ex.

I think one of the biggest keys here is............letting go. That is probably the hardest thing to do and most of us don't get to that point until the situation itself exhausts us in every way. We have to get to a point where it's more exhausting to hold on than it is to just let go and be free of it. Letting go doesn't mean you stop caring about a person or situation or whatever. It just means letting go of the emotions attached to it such as the anxiety, fear, etc. That's really hard to do for must of us as I said before, be I think we all get there eventually.

Something else that helps is to bring the focus back to yourself. I had read that you said you have some maybe deeper subconscious or even conscious beliefs that maybe you don't deserve good things since you've been through so many bad relationships. I think that's normal to feel that way after being hurt so many times but at the same time it's a really unhealthy way to feel as well. I've felt that way more often than not so I get it. I also get the fear of things actually going good for once because then you're constantly expecting it to screw up somehow because that is what you have been so used to. It's basically a programming of the mind. Our brains are very similar to computers. What we constantly put into them along with what kind of repeating experiences we have, sort of will dictate how we operate automatically. Once our minds are programmed with so many bad experiences, we then unknowingly can have self sabotaging behaviors that will make our fears of things going bad a reality so then we end up saying to ourselves "See I knew it. I was right". It's dangerous for us. Now, that isn't always the case because a lot of times we are just dealing with not so great people. But then we have to ask ourselves at some point........why am I constantly attracting this same type of person into my life? We are the common denominator. I had to do that after several failed relationships. I had to look at what kind of men they were and then I had to look at my own self and ask myself what is it about me that is attracting these kinds of men to myself. I didn't like the answers that I found at all but I'm glad I found them so that I could change myself and attract something better.

I would say to you, work on reprogramming your subconscious which is what the conscious operates off of. I would also say to you work on rebuilding your self esteem and work on seeing your worth again. I know this stuff is so hard but, it's really worth the changes in the end. I think having a good healthy self esteem really helps curb us from calling psychics because we then know our worth and what we will and will not deal with and then we won't call about these things because we've already set those boundaries. I'm not saying it works ALL the time, I'm just saying I think that would help tremendously.

I admit that I don't have the best self esteem there ever was so that's what I'm working on now and that's helped me a lot sort of detach from my situation. I hope you find some peace within yourself and your life and I hope everything works out for you the way you want it to. Sending you love and blessings.

[flora0250]

Appreciate all the support and suggestions so much. Thanks for the love all - like I said think this is really a product of having gone through difficulties in my marriage and probably just need someone to talk to about it and practical ways of coping with it. Think I will try some other avenues before medication but so much appreciate all the support!

Meditation, not medication!! I think you misread!

Bahahahhhah I did. I totally misread ::facepalm::

[sawthelight]

LOL..well tbh, medication might help too, esp. if you are prone to anxiety and impulse control issues, which I am.

Therapy as well.  I honestly it would be much more helpful if a lot of people here that are hurting over an ex or a "POI" spoke to a therapist who is more based in reality than psychics.  NOT saying everyone who calls psychics needs therapy, but a lot of us are grieving and hurting over someone who did us wrong, and accepting behavior from these men/women that is just completely unacceptable.

Part of the healing process from all these readings and my situation with first POI, was realizing how sad it is that I put up with his BS for so long.  How low was my self-esteem that I did this?