Ugh. You know I was doing really well and now I’ve totally messed up and gone on a binge
I feel awful about it and can’t help convincing myself of the worst. It’s like I’m the opposite of believing the fairy tale readers, instead I’m positively convinced that those giving me a positive outcome are just wrong. And let me make sure this is clear. It’s not an instinct thing. My instinct is like totally gone these days. It’s not like I know in my heart things won’t eork out. It’s that I’m terrified of things going positively and it seems after all this time of crappy relationships that it would be impossible for it to go well so I have the hardest time believing even those that seem to be the best readers when they do tell me anything positive.
Which according to some - means I then CREATE the negative reality I don’t want!!!
Why can’t I just relax and be okay with whatever happens and not worry and just allow the possibility that it COULD be a good outcome?
The readers where I have ended up sharing info - which it’s so hArd NOT to do - have generally given me negative outcome readings. But guess what? Those very few that have just gone off without me saying anything or giving any info? Cookie (at first) - Mattie, Nina... a couple others - have given me the most positive outcome - and I mean that those three in particular didn’t just feed me a fairy tale without any validating info - Shelly even had a positive path ahead - and her markers have passed - several! So why can’t I just relax and stop calling readers who I then tell I haven’t spoken with him in so long and then I doubt if they are really telling me the truth that things won’t work out or if they are just giving me a cold read??
Anyway so this is the vent section. So there’s my vent!!