Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Just venting.

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4everhopeful:
For some reason I am feeling so down tonite. I have so much to feel good about and I am so blessed, but it seems I see so many people that have someone in their life but they are still flirting and communicating with so many other people (outside their own gender) and just living it up. I dont understand why they have their kids, a husband or boyfriend, a good job, and seem to be out buying gifts for everyone for the holidays and here I am with no money to spend on gifts. Just had to replace a water heater just after having to replace the faucets in the bathroom. All at a costs of over a thousand dollars which leaves nothing for Christmas and no one to spend Christmas with except the kids. No one to give me anything special for Christmas. Another year of spending the holidays with just the kids. I know I should be thankful but I just want to know the feeling of having someone think of me during the holidays and give me something special and someone to give something to other than the fun things the kids want. When will it be my turn to have someone in my life? Damn I hate these days or nights when I feel this way. Ive been trying so hard to lose a few lbs and look better but I am at a standstill in the weight loss department. I still cant fit into my cute clothes that I was wearing just a couple of years ago. I can get into them but they are just a little too tight. I cant seem to get over that hump for them to look good on me again. I probably sound like such a loser, but I feel like a loser tonite. Still here alone, no one to talk to other than my kids and facebook friends. But those friends at facebook make me feel so bad sometime. Not that I dont want them to enjoy what they have but I dont understand if some lady has a husband that is handsome and helps her out in every way and they go shopping together and have a great life, why the hell is she on facebook flirting with other men and seems to have the best of both worlds when I cant even have the best of one world. Maybe I should get off the internet altogether. Just move to fuckin Montana or Wyoming or the middle of the desert and live in a tent and just forget the whole damn thing. Im so sick of just existing and not living. Tired of lying to myself that I am happy cause Im not. Im miserable and unhappy and so sick of just being here. Why couldnt I have been born pretty and desirable like other women? Instead of homely and ugly and someone that no one wants? Some people have it all while others like me have nothing and it just isnt fair. I so hope my SM chokes on what he is with right now. I hope she rips him a new ass and I hope he thinks of me after its all over. Im sorry but I can no longer wish him well. I hope he lives in misery and despair for the remainder of his days just like I am. He doesnt deserve any better than I am experiencing. I hate what I am going through and all the prayers Ive prayed have done no good so far. I think God had thrown me away. He just doesnt seem to care anymore. All the good things Ive done in my life just doesnt seem to be paying off. I didnt think I was asking too much to just have someone to love me and someone that I could love back, but I guess it was. Funny that other women that dont appreciate it have just what I long for. And they wish they didnt have it. What a fuckin disaster. I think I will be glad when Im dead and I dont have to worry about any of this anymore.

Tango:
I just read your message and it makes me so sad to hear how down in the dumps you are. I know you've probably heard this a million times, but I'm sure that it will get better. It seems like you've hit rock bottom right now, so the good news is that there is only one way to go and that's up. Things will get better, but sometimes they take a really long time. Don't ever give up hope that tomorrow will be a better, brighter day.

Try to keep your chin up and no matter what, always hold your head up high. The people who you speak of may look like they have it all, but if they are flirting on facebook, then they probably don't. It's human nature for people to want what they can't have and it's also human nature for people to think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that people are really good at pretending their life is amazing, even when it really isn't. It's just about keeping up appearances.

The best thing that you can probably do for yourself right now is to take a deep breath and give yourself a break because you are being so hard on yourself. I don't know what you look like, but I know from your posts and your messages to others on here that you are a good person with a good heart. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think that having a good heart is more important and better in the long run than having the looks of a super model. Beauty fades over time, but whatever goodness you have within you will always be there no matter what.

You're going through a rough time, and it's hard with the holidays. I know how you feel, you get lonely sometimes and that's perfectly ok. Just don't ever think that you're not good enough or you deserve to be alone because you don't. You will be happy one day, so focus on you right now. Be happy and content with yourself because there is an amazing man out there who will realize what a catch you are and he will treat you exactly the way you deserve to be treated.

Elaan:
Well said, Tango. 

4ever:  There are many of us in the same boat you are in.  You always have us, as little comfort as that may bring when you want to hold that special someone in your arms, we are still here.  God has not thrown you away.  I know honey, that it seems the good Lord works soooo slow, but when the blessings he has for you finally appear it will be worth the wait...it will be perfect!  Your children love you, and as short a time that we have with them, embrace it and they will always remember how much you loved them in return.  Do them a great justice and teach them by example how to overcome.  Hang in there.  I know that this holiday season will bring you joy.

sunandmoon:
Hey, I just saw this after posting a financial vent of my own on another thread (which I deleted because I totally hijacked the thread). I know exactly how you feel. I vividly remember last xmas. I actually got a reading with Gina Rose on xmas eve and went on another psychic rampage between then and nyd.

Please vent to us whenever you need to, we are always here for you!

(what's up with that stupid 500 seconds message that only shows up sometimes???? seriously, EIGHT minutes between postings?!)

Synergy:
Wow, 4everhopeful, it makes me so sad to read your post, but I can empatize.  Just as the others have said, we are all here because we have been through similar experiences.  I feel terrible for spending money on these readings, when I could be putting that money away towards my daughters' educations.  It makes me feel pathetic.

Please don't lose sight of what's truly important.  There's a reason you picked the name 4everhopeful... there is always hope!  It may sound easy for me to say, but believe me, I've been there, and I never thought I'd be as happy as I am today.  We all deserve the best, and I know that you will get it too.   

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