New POI came in and trying to resist bad habit of psychics

[Chelle9054]

Hi everyone,
I take so much from your situations and heartbreak, recovery and wisdom. I would love some insight (strength) here or in PM.
So my story started 3 years ago with a POI, a very amicable divorce, and an unsettling, emotionally damaging "relationship" with said POI. It almost crippled me financially with calling psychics. I was so kicked off course from the encounter that I wanted/needed to know what was coming down the path. It, as you all well know, is devastating. I am on the mend, and have an amazing therapist and my POI simply ghosted. 3 separate times, and I am a big part of the pattern. I am a smart lady, successful, but not when it came to this connection and 3 years later I sometimes scratch my head over this. I wrote him a letter. Haven't sent it.

I met a new person unexpectedly. The 1st person to turn my head and make me smile. He is smart, a work colleague (not same company) and I really like him. I know he is attracted to me. 1st kiss on 12/15 and then a flurry of texting, flirty and sexy and daily and even a request to go away together. I forgot about my 1st POI as I was in the moment and I couldn't believe I wasn't thinking about him. Yet I got nervous and scared after kiss. This new person I will call T.


So there are similar situations with both men. Both talked about seeing me and got sexy and flirty and attracted. Yet T talked about a trip, but he hasnt actually asked for a date yet. I did know he was away for 2 weeks immediately after the function we kissed at. And he has kept in touch. I like him, but I found myself nervous that he would just disappear like the other. And I am blurring the lines with the situations. They are very different men, but I am just not sure. And I binged this weekend. And feel terrible. My 1st instinct was to call a psychic to see if he was potential and if we get a date. Ashamed at myself. Thought that was over. He was away and texted Merry Cmas yesterday, but I am so focused on the date.


Grrr...With first POI there was a lot of physcial and we were intimate, this time it was a simple kiss and I feel like I was already intimate. Needed to vent. Maybe get your insight. Everyone saying let him chase, let him chase...but before I never thought of that, I was just me. Now I feel like I ruined it, with calling psychics. T doesn't know that. But I do and I feel like the connection is already tainted and I did it.


I know very well that whether you call or dont call no one really knows what happens. I learned the hard way, like most of us. My barometer is off. I gain strength from your stories, but now I feel like he is already gone and only 24 hours have passed. This is silly.

Think I tainted it by calling? Why do I feel like its already ruined?

[journalmuse]

Couple things. I don't know you obviously and I'm not a counselor but it seems to me that you are afraid of repeating patterns with your ex, with this new person. It's completely understandable but I don't see a lot to suggest that you would reasonably expect any of those same patterns other than your fears. To me this means that you are not ready for anything serious with anyone and you need some more time to heal from your last relationship. That's not to say that you can't date someone casually but if you think that you aren't yet in a place where you can just date casually without really having feelings come up too fast then maybe you should consider that.

I would ask your counselor about it and see if he or she has suggestions for ways that you can de-escalate your thoughts or feelings over this new person and try to just take it as something fun. If you can't just take it as purely fun without worries then maybe that means you need a little more time to yourself to heal from your past relationship.

As for readings tainting anything, nah. I don't think that's true. You are just feeling guilty because you fell into old patterns. So far that's the only thing I can see repeating itself is the need for readings to feel OK about something. It's all right. Forgive yourself, set a new goal of NOT getting readings about this person, and move forward.

My two cents. I am excited you met someone else, but remember it's OK to take it slow. A kiss can just be a kiss. A date can just be a date. Everything doesn't have to be forever. If it's moving too fast, slow it down.

You got this.