Well, I decided to try out the chat feature and I spoke with Avalon. She didn't seem as confident or positive about my SM as she was the first time we spoke. Yes, he's interested. Yes, he'd like to be with me. BUT he won't want anything serious for another two years. If I can wait, then we'll be happy together. WHEN HE'S almost 50! I want to enjoy him now that the age difference isn't a big deal to me. Then we can get there together. I know if we're together, I still love him when he's 50 and I'm 34, but come on! Let's be together while we can enjoy each other. And all these readers say that he'll commit when law school is done. Um... at that point he'll be busy being a lawyer!!! How will he ever have time for me if he doesn't make time for me now?
I'm sorry to complain, but the past couple of days have been really tough. My friends don't want to hear it because they think I should've been over him months ago. But I love him and I feel the connection. Avalon did point this out as well.
She told me that this new guy who is pursuing me really wants to be with me in a long term relationship and that he would love and accept my children. The thing is, I know that! He's a great guy and he's already opened up more in a few days than my SM has in the past year! BUT I don't feel the same way.
Besides all this, my SM has been a real jerk to me for the past two days. Avalon told me not to take it personally because he's like that with everyone when he's overwhelmed (I know this is true), but why should I have to put up with this, while waiting for him to come forward to acknowledge this connection we have.
I need to start living my life. I told Avalon I was so confused, but she told me I would choose the right path because it'll be what I'm meant to do. Unfortunately, I'm at a crossroads and I feel paralyzed. I'm at a point where I WANT to let go of my SM. I'm just not sure why I haven't been able to do so.