U reach out or sit back

[star1]

I think it's for different reasons. I think some readers aren't genuine, so they tell you not to reach out so that if he doesn't respond you don't keep calling the reader putting them on the spot. It's easier to say to somebody to wait for him to make the forts move and have a vulnerable person keep calling me asking when he'll come around. Some readers are old fashioned and think that the men should do all of the running as they're the "hunter gatherer". I have seen people be advised not to reach out to their ex and they did in the end and the ex told them that they were waiting for a text.. That's why I said follow your gut over any reader. Sit on it for a few days and if it doesn't budge - you have your answer.

There is a program by Chris Seiter called ex boyfriend recovery.  He is a dating coach (and obviously a guy) -- His advice is NC for either 21, 30 or 45 days after break up (depending on situation) and then this whole book on texting him....  He claims that many men really do want to reach out to us (even when they broke up, esp if they really messed up) but they dont for fear of rejection or b/c they dont know if weve moved on.... A slew of different reasons.  So you start with simple texts (like the one I stated above) hey I saw this and it reminded me of you and seeing where it goes....  Hes been really successful with the program!

That sounds pretty cool, it's more refreshing to hear a man himself give tips and explanations than some hippy dippy reader and this LOA stuff. I doubt mine would answer me though, which is why I'm having my last few readings and moving on. I might check this guy out, thanks!

[Apalm831]

Yikes. Well, I’m past the 45 day mark

[star1]

Yikes. Well, I’m past the 45 day mark

Ha ha.

[sparky]

oh - well i mean again if he ghosts me than i am no worse off.... in fact it actually tells me all these advisors telling me he's sitting at home thinking about me and waiting for me to reach out are all full of shit  ....

I gotta think since he started viewing my stories and such he at least wants things to be peaceful between us?  IDK.....

it could be he's just curious of what you are up to..men can be real grudge holders..

as far as reaching out, that is up to you, but I would wait a bit and see if the urge is still there in a few days.

Tell that to my ex.  She has been holding a grudge on me from stuff that happened back in March/April even though she told me she forgave me in June.  Her actions in September from not speaking to her for a good two months clearly showed she still is hanging onto a grudge.

[sparky]

I think it's for different reasons. I think some readers aren't genuine, so they tell you not to reach out so that if he doesn't respond you don't keep calling the reader putting them on the spot. It's easier to say to somebody to wait for him to make the forts move and have a vulnerable person keep calling me asking when he'll come around. Some readers are old fashioned and think that the men should do all of the running as they're the "hunter gatherer". I have seen people be advised not to reach out to their ex and they did in the end and the ex told them that they were waiting for a text.. That's why I said follow your gut over any reader. Sit on it for a few days and if it doesn't budge - you have your answer.

There is a program by Chris Seiter called ex boyfriend recovery.  He is a dating coach (and obviously a guy) -- His advice is NC for either 21, 30 or 45 days after break up (depending on situation) and then this whole book on texting him....  He claims that many men really do want to reach out to us (even when they broke up, esp if they really messed up) but they dont for fear of rejection or b/c they dont know if weve moved on.... A slew of different reasons.  So you start with simple texts (like the one I stated above) hey I saw this and it reminded me of you and seeing where it goes....  Hes been really successful with the program!

I have watched many of these ex recovery guides.  I really think some of it maybe true but definitely not all of it.  They do not always take factors of the friends and family roles in the situation.  Also to blanket a number of days on when you should reach out could be bad.  Everyone heals differently and to even give a set number of days to reach out could cause more harm than good.  When really you should trust your gut and determine if the time is right to reach out.  That could be 6 months to a year even.

[sawthelight]

I think it's for different reasons. I think some readers aren't genuine, so they tell you not to reach out so that if he doesn't respond you don't keep calling the reader putting them on the spot. It's easier to say to somebody to wait for him to make the forts move and have a vulnerable person keep calling me asking when he'll come around. Some readers are old fashioned and think that the men should do all of the running as they're the "hunter gatherer". I have seen people be advised not to reach out to their ex and they did in the end and the ex told them that they were waiting for a text.. That's why I said follow your gut over any reader. Sit on it for a few days and if it doesn't budge - you have your answer.

There is a program by Chris Seiter called ex boyfriend recovery.  He is a dating coach (and obviously a guy) -- His advice is NC for either 21, 30 or 45 days after break up (depending on situation) and then this whole book on texting him....  He claims that many men really do want to reach out to us (even when they broke up, esp if they really messed up) but they dont for fear of rejection or b/c they dont know if weve moved on.... A slew of different reasons.  So you start with simple texts (like the one I stated above) hey I saw this and it reminded me of you and seeing where it goes....  Hes been really successful with the program!

I have watched many of these ex recovery guides.  I really think some of it maybe true but definitely not all of it.  They do not always take factors of the friends and family roles in the situation.  Also to blanket a number of days on when you should reach out could be bad.  Everyone heals differently and to even give a set number of days to reach out could cause more harm than good.  When really you should trust your gut and determine if the time is right to reach out.  That could be 6 months to a year even.

this i agree with 100%.....

[LAW1974]

wow -- thats a long time.... the 45 days is for ppl who had a nasty break up and studies show that for most breakups 45-60 days is how long it takes almost all ppl to get over them.  There are studies that show that like (I dont remember the statistics) but a high percentage of ppl only remember positive things about teir ex after the 30, 45 and 60 day marks...  You learn all of this in Chris program... 

But some ppl have really just moved on....  You dont really know if they're angry, scared of rejection, etc until you send that text and see what happens?  I teeter back and forth on whether to use his program or listen to these readers?

[star1]

wow -- thats a long time.... the 45 days is for ppl who had a nasty break up and studies show that for most breakups 45-60 days is how long it takes almost all ppl to get over them.  There are studies that show that like (I dont remember the statistics) but a high percentage of ppl only remember positive things about teir ex after the 30, 45 and 60 day marks...  You learn all of this in Chris program... 

But some ppl have really just moved on....  You dont really know if they're angry, scared of rejection, etc until you send that text and see what happens?  I teeter back and forth on whether to use his program or listen to these readers?

But the issue is - sometimes men won't respond or reach out, even if they do care or miss you, it's hard. I can see why people call psychics, to get closure that they couldn't get.

[sparky]

wow -- thats a long time.... the 45 days is for ppl who had a nasty break up and studies show that for most breakups 45-60 days is how long it takes almost all ppl to get over them.  There are studies that show that like (I dont remember the statistics) but a high percentage of ppl only remember positive things about teir ex after the 30, 45 and 60 day marks...  You learn all of this in Chris program... 

But some ppl have really just moved on....  You dont really know if they're angry, scared of rejection, etc until you send that text and see what happens?  I teeter back and forth on whether to use his program or listen to these readers?

Still for most and not all.  I will use my experience.  My ex got mad about a snap her friend told her that I posted.  Her friend said it had to do with her when it didn't.  I found out a month later that my ex was still hurt from that snap.  We didn't talk for that month.  A whole month over a snap that she could have easily got over in 5 minutes if she talked to me about it.  I even know my ex is still hurting from things prior to that to this day because she can't let go.  I also know she hasn't moved on from me as the last contact in September she told me that she was "Trying to move on."  One you don't tell your ex that and two you should be moved on if you are dating someone for 3 1/2 months at that point.

So I can agree that it for the majority it probably is true but I would still really look to see how your ex is behaving because it could be way longer for them.  They might be that outlier percentage that wasn't in the study.

[sawthelight]

wow -- thats a long time.... the 45 days is for ppl who had a nasty break up and studies show that for most breakups 45-60 days is how long it takes almost all ppl to get over them.  There are studies that show that like (I dont remember the statistics) but a high percentage of ppl only remember positive things about teir ex after the 30, 45 and 60 day marks...  You learn all of this in Chris program... 

But some ppl have really just moved on....  You dont really know if they're angry, scared of rejection, etc until you send that text and see what happens?  I teeter back and forth on whether to use his program or listen to these readers?

But the issue is - sometimes men won't respond or reach out, even if they do care or miss you, it's hard. I can see why people call psychics, to get closure that they couldn't get.

exactly, they won't reach out, or they've started dating someone else...who knows?   I had reached out to the first POI I called psychics about and looking back, I regret it.  I should have left it alone and then maybe I would have moved on much faster.

[11jlady]

I really think it depends on the situation. Who broke up with who? If YOU did the breaking up with.........yes YOU should contact said person at some point. If THEY did the breaking up with YOU........then NO you should not contact them. If a person breaks up with you, that basically means that at that moment in time and for however long, they don't want you in their life unless they say otherwise. But I certainly DO NOT recommend contacting a person that has broken up  with you at all ever. I never do and I never will.

[11jlady]

To add to my previous comment: If you reach out to a person that broke up with you, and did so in a negative way by lying, cheating, sabotaging in whatever way, then you are just asking them to keep doing that to you. The guy I'm dealing with now broke up with me and then threw a fit because I wasn't reaching out to him. I was like huh? YOU broke with ME and then expect me to chase you? No dude. Not happening. I'm not going to play those games. If you didn't want to break up then you shouldn't have behaved in those ways and said you were done. Now it's time for you to grow up and fix things. If you want me, show me. Otherwise, last I knew, you didn't want me cause you broke up with me.

If I'd continue to reach out to him then I'm just feeding his ego and enabling his shitty behavior. Nope. Ain't happening. And if we never speak again, then we don't. And it wouldn't be because I didn't care about him, rather it would be because I have to start caring about me too and not exposing myself to such pain. When he decides to change, I will know it because I will see different behaviors and hear different things that match those behaviors. Until then, nope. I don't want to hurt anymore. Period.

[star1]

To add to my previous comment: If you reach out to a person that broke up with you, and did so in a negative way by lying, cheating, sabotaging in whatever way, then you are just asking them to keep doing that to you. The guy I'm dealing with now broke up with me and then threw a fit because I wasn't reaching out to him. I was like huh? YOU broke with ME and then expect me to chase you? No dude. Not happening. I'm not going to play those games. If you didn't want to break up then you shouldn't have behaved in those ways and said you were done. Now it's time for you to grow up and fix things. If you want me, show me. Otherwise, last I knew, you didn't want me cause you broke up with me.

If I'd continue to reach out to him then I'm just feeding his ego and enabling his shitty behavior. Nope. Ain't happening. And if we never speak again, then we don't. And it wouldn't be because I didn't care about him, rather it would be because I have to start caring about me too and not exposing myself to such pain. When he decides to change, I will know it because I will see different behaviors and hear different things that match those behaviors. Until then, nope. I don't want to hurt anymore. Period.

He broke up with you and threw a fit at you for not chasing him? Lol what? 

[11jlady]

Yeah. It was crazy. Thing is, he always got upset that I never initiated after a period of time cause I always just felt like he could care less as long as he had some sort of attention but he didn't care from who, just that he had the attention. So, throughout the last few years of the on/off relationship I never initiated. I'm the kind of person that is perfectly fine being completely alone. I don't need attention from any new guys or whatever. But he freaked out on me telling me I'd never be able to have a relationship with even a dog if I kept that up. Well, I didn't do that in my past relationships. Just this one and for good reason. You don't break up with someone, then get pissed when they don't reach out and text you. But his reasoning for me wanting to do that was sort of proven when I actually said "F it" and gave it a try this last time he broke up with me.

He started acting like his typical not so nice self mid October so I text him asking if he could call me (this was on November 2nd) and told him I wanted to talk. He totally blew me off so I sent him an email expressing my feelings and love for him etc. You know what kind of response I got? The next day he basically tells me that I had nothing to say in mid October but now suddenly I do and he didn't acknowledge any of the love stuff I expressed. He basically just wanted to be chased by me for egotistical purposes which is why I never reached out previously. Obviously, I was right and I will NEVER do it again.

If I break up with a person, I don't expect to ever hear from them again cause I'm basically saying "Hey, I'm pretty done here so have a nice life". Unless I tell them I want to remain friends, then I'd reach out. That's pretty much it. I don't understand people's flawed logic.

[star1]

Yeah. It was crazy. Thing is, he always got upset that I never initiated after a period of time cause I always just felt like he could care less as long as he had some sort of attention but he didn't care from who, just that he had the attention. So, throughout the last few years of the on/off relationship I never initiated. I'm the kind of person that is perfectly fine being completely alone. I don't need attention from any new guys or whatever. But he freaked out on me telling me I'd never be able to have a relationship with even a dog if I kept that up. Well, I didn't do that in my past relationships. Just this one and for good reason. You don't break up with someone, then get pissed when they don't reach out and text you. But his reasoning for me wanting to do that was sort of proven when I actually said "F it" and gave it a try this last time he broke up with me.

He started acting like his typical not so nice self mid October so I text him asking if he could call me (this was on November 2nd) and told him I wanted to talk. He totally blew me off so I sent him an email expressing my feelings and love for him etc. You know what kind of response I got? The next day he basically tells me that I had nothing to say in mid October but now suddenly I do and he didn't acknowledge any of the love stuff I expressed. He basically just wanted to be chased by me for egotistical purposes which is why I never reached out previously. Obviously, I was right and I will NEVER do it again.

If I break up with a person, I don't expect to ever hear from them again cause I'm basically saying "Hey, I'm pretty done here so have a nice life". Unless I tell them I want to remain friends, then I'd reach out. That's pretty much it. I don't understand people's flawed logic.

He can be so mean to you sometimes! Telling you that you couldn't even have a relationship with a dog, that's so rude. My ex before POI was like that, he was a narc and it was all about ego boosting and being given attention and affection. Doesn't want you to move on, but doesn't want you and doesn't seem to be making any efforts unless it benefits him sexually/money/egotism. I hope you realise you are worth more than how he makes you feel.