U reach out or sit back

[sawthelight]

Most of the time, they have told me to wait for whichever POI to reach out first..this last time I called about someone recent, a few encouraged me to reach out to him but my gut told me that was the wrong thing to do. 

I had one reader on Purple ocean tell me to be close to him whenever he comes close, and give him space when he backs off..etc...and i think that's horrible advice.

Since he ignored me most of the summer, I ignored his last text...that's what I felt the right thing to do was.

Do whatever your gut says over any reader - it's always right.

yea..I said to myself, if he reaches out again, I will answer him and see where it goes, but he never did...so that was my answer!  lol.  I needed more effort from him, and he didn't show it, so that's that.

Good for you...  so many girls will chase and chase and chase and then when the guy comes back they wonder why they are walking all over them... ummmm duh!

LOL I lost so much self respect with that first guy that I can't do it anymore, just don't have it in me.  I was never one to chase guys really but that guy had me acting like a fool, and part of the blame was because I was calling psychics and getting false info LOL.  I actually believed what they were telling me rather than my own instincts or what he was showing me.

[sparky]

I think it depends on the situation.  I had two psychics tell me to reach out.  To send something light even though they told me that my ex would contact me first.  The rest of the them pretty much said just wait for her to reach out and contact me.  One even mentioned about letting her miss me and then she will reach out.  We will see if the predictions happen or not.  Have a couple of months yet before any of it is predicted to happen.

[star1]

Do whatever your gut says over any reader - it's always right.

This is the most sound, brilliant advice I've read on this board.

I would also add: Unless your POI is a soul-less, clueless idiot, he also has intuition. If you reach out, not because you're genuinely just wanting to check in, but because you're wanting him to respond so you can feel better, he's going to sense your desperation. Who likes being contacted by someone only when they want something (in this case reassurance)?

Get your energy and intention in order. Contact him when you're okay with whatever outcome happens. Contact him out of kindness rather than selfishness.

Thank you  I wish I had listened to mine a long time ago, but I shrugged it off (not being something I wanted to face up to and accept).

[LAW1974]

Oddly, Last night I had a weird sense of wanting closure possibly and maybe friendship but I am not sure if I actually want him back.... or at least maybe not right now!  I think he has too much of himself to work on and it's not my job to do that!  For the first time I had an overwhelming sense of wanting to reach out to him.  It's been over 6 weeks (and those were unkind texts, believe me).  SO a part of me is a little nervous he wont respond back.  I know that isnt the end of the world, doesnt leave me any worse off than where I am now but I feel like I can't move forward until we dont have this riff between us settled.  I can finally "Let go". so to speak.....

You should know every advisor has promised me he is going to communicate by the end of the year and we will reconcile either by EOY or mid-Jan.  Also, they have all told me NOT to reach out to him.  He ended it and they have all told me he is basically waiting for me to reach out to him! 

So I wanted some opinions - 1. Should I sit on this feeling for a few days and see if it goes away?  2. We are both music lovers and spent a lot of time listening to and talking about music and going to concerts, etc.  So my text was not going to have anything to do with "us" -- I was going to send him a music video I have from a concert I know he'd enjoy - just something random!  Kind of a white flag peace offering without us having to say that's what it is....  thoughts on this?

[star1]

Oddly, Last night I had a weird sense of wanting closure possibly and maybe friendship but I am not sure if I actually want him back.... or at least maybe not right now!  I think he has too much of himself to work on and it's not my job to do that!  For the first time I had an overwhelming sense of wanting to reach out to him.  It's been over 6 weeks (and those were unkind texts, believe me).  SO a part of me is a little nervous he wont respond back.  I know that isnt the end of the world, doesnt leave me any worse off than where I am now but I feel like I can't move forward until we dont have this riff between us settled.  I can finally "Let go". so to speak.....

You should know every advisor has promised me he is going to communicate by the end of the year and we will reconcile either by EOY or mid-Jan.  Also, they have all told me NOT to reach out to him.  He ended it and they have all told me he is basically waiting for me to reach out to him! 

So I wanted some opinions - 1. Should I sit on this feeling for a few days and see if it goes away?  2. We are both music lovers and spent a lot of time listening to and talking about music and going to concerts, etc.  So my text was not going to have anything to do with "us" -- I was going to send him a music video I have from a concert I know he'd enjoy - just something random!  Kind of a white flag peace offering without us having to say that's what it is....  thoughts on this?

Sit on it for a few days and if your gut says to still reach out, then send the music video (I hope my advice won't make things worse  ).

[LAW1974]

Oddly, Last night I had a weird sense of wanting closure possibly and maybe friendship but I am not sure if I actually want him back.... or at least maybe not right now!  I think he has too much of himself to work on and it's not my job to do that!  For the first time I had an overwhelming sense of wanting to reach out to him.  It's been over 6 weeks (and those were unkind texts, believe me).  SO a part of me is a little nervous he wont respond back.  I know that isnt the end of the world, doesnt leave me any worse off than where I am now but I feel like I can't move forward until we dont have this riff between us settled.  I can finally "Let go". so to speak.....

You should know every advisor has promised me he is going to communicate by the end of the year and we will reconcile either by EOY or mid-Jan.  Also, they have all told me NOT to reach out to him.  He ended it and they have all told me he is basically waiting for me to reach out to him! 

So I wanted some opinions - 1. Should I sit on this feeling for a few days and see if it goes away?  2. We are both music lovers and spent a lot of time listening to and talking about music and going to concerts, etc.  So my text was not going to have anything to do with "us" -- I was going to send him a music video I have from a concert I know he'd enjoy - just something random!  Kind of a white flag peace offering without us having to say that's what it is....  thoughts on this?

Sit on it for a few days and if your gut says to still reach out, then send the music video (I hope my advice won't make things worse  ).

why would your advice make it worse?

[star1]

Oddly, Last night I had a weird sense of wanting closure possibly and maybe friendship but I am not sure if I actually want him back.... or at least maybe not right now!  I think he has too much of himself to work on and it's not my job to do that!  For the first time I had an overwhelming sense of wanting to reach out to him.  It's been over 6 weeks (and those were unkind texts, believe me).  SO a part of me is a little nervous he wont respond back.  I know that isnt the end of the world, doesnt leave me any worse off than where I am now but I feel like I can't move forward until we dont have this riff between us settled.  I can finally "Let go". so to speak.....

You should know every advisor has promised me he is going to communicate by the end of the year and we will reconcile either by EOY or mid-Jan.  Also, they have all told me NOT to reach out to him.  He ended it and they have all told me he is basically waiting for me to reach out to him! 

So I wanted some opinions - 1. Should I sit on this feeling for a few days and see if it goes away?  2. We are both music lovers and spent a lot of time listening to and talking about music and going to concerts, etc.  So my text was not going to have anything to do with "us" -- I was going to send him a music video I have from a concert I know he'd enjoy - just something random!  Kind of a white flag peace offering without us having to say that's what it is....  thoughts on this?

Sit on it for a few days and if your gut says to still reach out, then send the music video (I hope my advice won't make things worse  ).

why would your advice make it worse?

Haha, incase it goes wrong when you reach out to him.

[LAW1974]

oh - well i mean again if he ghosts me than i am no worse off.... in fact it actually tells me all these advisors telling me he's sitting at home thinking about me and waiting for me to reach out are all full of shit  ....

I gotta think since he started viewing my stories and such he at least wants things to be peaceful between us?  IDK.....

[wishes215]

I’ve almost always been told not to reach out that’s why I was wondering if that’s something everyone gets told.

[star1]

oh - well i mean again if he ghosts me than i am no worse off.... in fact it actually tells me all these advisors telling me he's sitting at home thinking about me and waiting for me to reach out are all full of shit  ....

I gotta think since he started viewing my stories and such he at least wants things to be peaceful between us?  IDK.....

Exactly. I mean if he's been watching you, then he CLEARLY is still showing interest and you most likely will get some kinda response from him  .

[sawthelight]

oh - well i mean again if he ghosts me than i am no worse off.... in fact it actually tells me all these advisors telling me he's sitting at home thinking about me and waiting for me to reach out are all full of shit  ....

I gotta think since he started viewing my stories and such he at least wants things to be peaceful between us?  IDK.....

it could be he's just curious of what you are up to..men can be real grudge holders..

as far as reaching out, that is up to you, but I would wait a bit and see if the urge is still there in a few days.

[star1]

oh - well i mean again if he ghosts me than i am no worse off.... in fact it actually tells me all these advisors telling me he's sitting at home thinking about me and waiting for me to reach out are all full of shit  ....

I gotta think since he started viewing my stories and such he at least wants things to be peaceful between us?  IDK.....

it could be he's just curious of what you are up to..men can be real grudge holders..

as far as reaching out, that is up to you, but I would wait a bit and see if the urge is still there in a few days.

^^

[Love2lovenj]

Ok playing the devil's advocate here...

Do you think the readers tell us not to contact and wait because if they don't reach out you will call the advisor again to see what's going on???

I honestly only had one reader tell me to reach out to my POI but yhen again her reading didn't really say anything that stood out that her guidance was correct.

[star1]

I think it's for different reasons. I think some readers aren't genuine, so they tell you not to reach out so that if he doesn't respond you don't keep calling the reader putting them on the spot. It's easier to say to somebody to wait for him to make the forts move and have a vulnerable person keep calling me asking when he'll come around. Some readers are old fashioned and think that the men should do all of the running as they're the "hunter gatherer". I have seen people be advised not to reach out to their ex and they did in the end and the ex told them that they were waiting for a text.. That's why I said follow your gut over any reader. Sit on it for a few days and if it doesn't budge - you have your answer.

[LAW1974]

I think it's for different reasons. I think some readers aren't genuine, so they tell you not to reach out so that if he doesn't respond you don't keep calling the reader putting them on the spot. It's easier to say to somebody to wait for him to make the forts move and have a vulnerable person keep calling me asking when he'll come around. Some readers are old fashioned and think that the men should do all of the running as they're the "hunter gatherer". I have seen people be advised not to reach out to their ex and they did in the end and the ex told them that they were waiting for a text.. That's why I said follow your gut over any reader. Sit on it for a few days and if it doesn't budge - you have your answer.

There is a program by Chris Seiter called ex boyfriend recovery.  He is a dating coach (and obviously a guy) -- His advice is NC for either 21, 30 or 45 days after break up (depending on situation) and then this whole book on texting him....  He claims that many men really do want to reach out to us (even when they broke up, esp if they really messed up) but they dont for fear of rejection or b/c they dont know if weve moved on.... A slew of different reasons.  So you start with simple texts (like the one I stated above) hey I saw this and it reminded me of you and seeing where it goes....  Hes been really successful with the program!