Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story

Issues with moving on

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optx88:
sunandmoon...i think your new guy is protecting himself.  personally...i wouldn't say a thing to your ex...you don't owe him that.  whether you tell him or not...if he is going to try and come back...he will try and come back and nothing will stop him from trying.  He hasn't been treating you with respect...so why should you have respect for him and tell him...I just think that may feed his ego and he may think that you are looking for his permission than anything. 

I also think that if you do say something to your ex...he may kind of play with your head a little right there on the spot...lead you to believe there is something...you break up with the new guy and then he does the same thing to you just as he has been doing.

Have fun sunandmoon....remove all things that will remind you of your ex so you can give this new guy a fair chance and try not to talk about this too much to the new guy.  your new guy also has to understand...you can't stop someone from cheating and you can't forcefully redirect someone's heart...it has to just happen naturally.

you aren't going to know what you are going to do and what you would say if the ex comes back...unless it does...who knows...you may even end it with both of them...lol...don't think so much...again...i don't think you owe your ex any kind of explanation...did you ever get one?

sunandmoon:
green, my ex just ceased being with me April 2010. No explanations, no matter how I asked. He continued to talk to me and since he normally cuts people out of his life, I took them as signs. And the psychics told me so of course. He has absolutely not treated me with respect at all. If he did, he would have actually broken up with me instead of whatever crap it was that he did.

I hid a bunch of pix the first time the new guy came over (when he just came over to help me with stuff) and I never put them back. Then a couple of weeks later he asked me out to dinner and came in the house after, and I quickly hid another and that one is still hidden. When I get a minute I'll pack them away in a drawer or something. I've deleted all the texts in my inbox and am working on my sent texts, most of which I had locked.

I honestly don't bring it up but it does weigh on the new guys mind and he asks. We are very honest with each other and sometimes he overthinks things. He figures with our multi-year history (me and the ex), he doesn't stand a chance, but I've told him that HE is the one that cares for me and shows me that, and actually wants to be with me. In addition to 3.5 years of being with my ex, I more recently have 1.5 years of pain and confusion. So right there my new guy is coming out ahead IMO.

Lightme I'm sure I'll mention something to his mom at some point, just tell her I started to date someone I guess. Not really an issue right now except that we used to talk almost daily and now I tend to ignore her a bit!

Thanks so much for the insight, I love you guys!  :)

4everhopeful:
Sunandmoon, I may not be the one to be giving advice. But....if you are enjoying this new relationship and this guy seems to be really into you, then dont hide him away. Dont worry about what your ex thinks or his family or anything. Your ex is sure doing what he wants isnt he? He isnt hiding anyone that he goes out with or spends time with. You owe him nothing. Go ahead with your life and enjoy it. Also, dont worry about hurting anyone anymore. We all should have learned by now that getting hurt is a part of life. We dont do it intentionally. But if you are truly beginning to like this new guy and have feelings for him, then let it grow and let him know that he is number 1 to you now. If he is asking for guarantees, then remind him that life has no guarantees but that you have no plans whatsoever of leaving him for anybody.
True that you dont know what your ex's response or actions will be when he finds out, but you sure dont want to just report to him what youre doing. Let him find out the way everyone else does, through seeing you out enjoying yourself. Its time we all lived our lives. Just my two cents worth.
But I say put this new guy in the number 1 spot. Good luck to you.

sunandmoon:
4ever I love to hear from you! This guy IS #1 to me. It's been far too long that I've given my ex that position and have gotten nothing in return. I am not hiding him really, we went away with one of my jobs last weekend (my stalker who is friends with me ex was there so I don't think she put two and two together). He parks in my driveway overnight and we do go out often.

One thing I have learned through all this mess is to never take anyone for granted and to show those you care about that you do appreciate them. Every time he walks into my house we greet each other with a hug, kiss and smile, as if we hadn't seen each other for months. It's such a wonderful feeling.

Yep, the ex is sure doing what he wants, though he didn't flaunt any r/s in front of me, just keeps mentioning my stalkers name every time I see him.

I hope things are going well with you!

4everhopeful:
Im ok Sunandmoon. I'll get through all of this and be fine. I always am.
It sounds like you really like this guy. Im so happy for you. And you dont have to flaunt the new relationship, just be happy in it and dont worry if the ex sees you or not.
Im moving on and in fact just heard from a friend that I used to date a couple of years ago. Even though we stopped dating, we continued a friendship. He just texted me a little while ago and we plan to spend a little time together hunting, lol. Wild hogs of all things, lmao. What a trip. But he is fun and we laugh a lot so I think thats just what I need. Im looking forward to it if it really happens. We've made plans before and never got around to it but maybe this time we will. He lives a couple of hours from me so we will see how it goes.
Again, I am very happy for you and wish you all the luck in the world. And dont go calling psychics asking about this relationship, just let it happen.   :)

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