Letting go and moving on

[4everhopeful]

I just thought that even though many of us still harbor love for someone, its time to move on with our lives and I thought I would be the first to share.
I have been talking with a gentleman for the last week or so through text message. I met this man at a dating site and tonite we had our first phone conversation. We plan to have dinner tomorrow night and spend a little time together. I must say that I havent been so excited about meeting anyone in a very long time. We seem to have lots in common and the conversation flowed easily. We laughed and talked for about an hour. This gives me hope that I can move on and live my life without thinking of my ex with every waking moment
I did have a reading last night with Dylan from CP. He was a very nice man and his predictions are somewhat the same, saying my ex will be showing up at some point but he also said he hated to tell me that because he was afraid of me waiting around for it to happen and it may be a while as he sensed some sort of need to fulfill an obligation on my ex's part. That makes sense with his job. So I am going out tomorrow night and I feel that this is all a part of my predictions as I have been told several times that I would be with someone else and have a decision to make upon the ex returning.  I guess we will see. But I truly hope this works out with this new guy, he seems so nice and has a great attitude. Wish me luck guys and say a prayer for me.

[sunandmoon]

4ever, I had to comment and apologies in advance if it seems like I am hijacking. I am in your boat. There is a guy at my job who seemed attracted to me and we talked on occasion, mostly when he worked on my car. But he always made an effort to say hi and would sometimes take a few minutes to chat with me. A few weeks ago I asked him for help with something he had mentioned he'd done in the past. He spent 14 hours with me that day and we talked more than worked. A week after that I sent him a text (after waiting for him to call/text me, but he didn't want to admit he had found my #) and we've been "together" since. We are continually amazed that it's only been 2 weeks because it feels like we've lived a lifetime in that span.

I feel a little guilty for "giving up" on my guy but truth be told he obviously doesn't want to be with me now. And here is this wonderful man who seems mesmerized by me and that simple thing makes me give him the same. We just enjoy hanging out and talking for hours on end.

I worry what will happen if my old guy finds out and I actually hope he doesn't for awhile. That is the hardest part for me. I told the new guy simply because a) I at first told him I wasn't in a good headspace for a r/s, and b) I discovered that one of our co-workers knows my old guys family and I was afraid the story of my past affair would get out to him and I'd rather he heard that from me before he was too attached rather than 6 months down the line hearing it from someone else. So he knows not only of my affair but that even through the summer I was still hoping to get back with this guy (to put a positive spin on it, it does show that I don't give up at the first sign of trouble). He is worried of course that if old guy comes back and says some magic words that I will dump him and try again but I doubt I will if he continues to treat me the way he has been. It will however be the most difficult conversation I will ever have if it comes down to that.

I feel I've tried really hard to be the best person I can and show my old guy that for 18 months and he talks to me less and less as time goes on. I needed to let go. I hate that it was a man who got me to do so though.

I am scared for sure for many reasons, letting someone else touch my heart, I see how much this guy does care for me and i worry about my own mental state, what happens when my old guy finds out...... But I have decided to take a chance and see where this goes because he makes me very happy and dammit I've missed being happy. It does take a lot of energy to love someone who could care less about you!

Best of luck tonight and be sure to keep us posted! It's a huge step for sure but one I doubt you'll regret.   

[4everhopeful]

Hi Sunandmoon. I dont think youre hijacking at all and am happy to hear from you. I understand your fears and anxieties about dating someone new and the ex finding out but in a way its good. I think when these men see that we arent sitting around and being lonely and that other men do find us attractive, it makes us more attractive in the ex's eyes also. There is absolutely no reason for us to not go after some happiness. We could wait around forever for the predictions to manifest but there is no guarantee that they will. I sure dont want to look back and see the mistake I made in waiting.
True that someone may get hurt but that seems to be a part of life. And if we keep these new relationships in the right perspective, then maybe we can keep our thinking straight and not get ourselves all wound up and into another bad place.
And think of it this way, if your ex met someone to spend time with, do you think he would give your feelings a second thought? I think not, just the way my ex didnt. Well, I guess maybe he did as he lied about having anyone to spend time with after we broke up even though I knew he had started dating again. Just dont know to this day why he even cared that I would know.
At any rate, we have all done all that we can do and we showed the ex's just how much we cared but they turned their backs for some reason, or at least most of them did. I deserve happiness and someone to share my life with just like he does. And he has someone right now, even though as usual the psychics say it isnt serious, only a passtime for him and that he just doesnt want to be alone so far from home. Well, I dont want to be alone either. And I so hope this new man turns out to be as nice as he seems. I will keep you updated here. Keep good positive thoughts coming my way as I will be sending the same to you and everyone here. We are all going to be fine and find our happiness just as we deserve.
Feels good to be positive for a change and not so negative, lol. Lets keep it up.   

[sunandmoon]

I am being SOOOOO cautious but at the same time I am not holding back on holding hands and kissing and being affectionate in general. But I won't put a label on us (yet) and we rarely talk of the future. He's been great at not pushing me, and was like this even before he knew of my history. I am looking so hard for red flags but so far I don't see any. In many ways it's a healthier r/s than my last one.

My ex DID have a r/s over the winter that he hid from me. I can see now where he made odd comments that referred to her (ie he said he "hoped she could come" WRT an event we were both going to be at, in hindsight I realize it was HER he was referring to). He didn't hide the r/s in general from family and other friends but never told me about it. No idea why.

And every time I've talked to him this summer, he's mentioned another girl (who is married with kids). 3 weeks ago I stopped by to see him and he did it again. I had almost wanted to tell him "You know how I feel about you and I always will, but you need to know that I just can't wait forever as it's not healthy for me". I wanted to do this because I knew the new guy was getting closer. Well my ex was such an ass to me that day and he again mentioned this other girl and it was like a little switch flicked in me and I said f'it and thought  "You had a r/s without telling me and I am going to see where this goes. If it goes good, then maybe you'll have to wait and see if I am single in the future to try again".

I have been really lonely and have missed sharing my day and life with someone. And it sure feels good to have that again!

Everything happens for a reason....... 

[optx88]

4ever:  I am so excited for you....how did the dinner go?

Sunandmoon:  don't worry about how your ex is going to react...you can't control that and he has had plenty of opportunities to step up and wisk you away...move forward and have fun...it is ok to be a little guarded...but have fun...and in time...what your ex will think and how he will react will not even be a thought on your mind.

I wish both you girls the best of luck...have fun and keep us posted

[4everhopeful]

Well girls, I went on my dinner date. He was tall, blue eyes, of course he had gray hair, lol. And a little balding on top but thats ok. He had a nice smile and we talked and laughed throughout dinner and I thought it went great. Before the date night we had talked about how to spend the evening and I had suggested a walk around our little town square where the fountain is, just to talk and get to know each other. He said it sounded great. After our meal, he asked if I was ready to go. I said "Sure, Im sure we can find somewhere to sit and talk for a while". Then he said"Well actually I need to get back and do some paperwork. I usually have some papers to finish up at the end of the day and I dont mind doing it at night since Im always just sitting there anyway."
So I said ok and that I understood and he walked me to my car and hugged me and gave me a little kiss, just a peck on the lips. Then smiled and said he hoped he could see me again. I said sure, just let me know. We parted ways and that was it. So Im not holding my breath to hear from him. If I do ok, if I dont thats ok too. But I did think it a little strange that he was ready to leave as soon as dinner was over. I thought it was going well. But at this point I feel that he didnt like me so much after all. Seems to always turn out this way anymore. I really thought I was a fairly attractive woman, even though I do carry a few extra pounds now but nothing excessive. Really takes a toll on your self esteem though to be rejected so quickly just on your appearance alone. And to tell you the truth, I thought he was attractive enough but he sure wasnt anything to write home about and I wouldnt call him handsome. Maybe he's pickier than I am, lol. Oh well, who cares?

[lightme]

hi 4ever, just going out to meet new people is a good start!

[Inactive- PHN]

I think it is good to move on if that is what you really want to do I personally went on a date and it reminded me that I am not ready to date someone knew

[lightme]

i read that dating could be light, don't have to pressure yourself something must come out of it. the idea is to make yourself go out again, a first step towards moving on. knowing new people will distract us from focusing on our ex, you don't need to be ready because you are not required to get invoived emotionally.

i also read that ( from john gray ) when  you date, you should date at least 3 persons at the same time. he doesn't mean you sleep with all three people. it is just normal outing, like friends. by doing so, again you won't focus on just one person and get hurt if the person is not interested. you also keep new dates coming in, and those whom you are not interested in you stop seeing them again. is like flowing water, until you meet the right one. and keep your attitude light and don't commit too fast. this will minimise hurt a lot.

i am not saying i can do the above, i can't, i have no interest. but if you are looking for someone special, this is the way suggested by john gray and i personally think it makes sense.

[Inactive- PHN]

That is good tips for someone that wants to move on but I personally dont want to. I love this man very much even though I broke up with him. I was forced by his mom and my mom. No other guy can make me happy the way he does. He is my best friend, and when you really love someone u can't move on. I talked to one of his friends and he told me that my ex wants to be with me and the reason he pulled back was he did not want to get me involved in the situation. Their was so much confussion going on jacqueline and the other psychics was right. The two of us will be together when the time is right, and I know that.

[lightme]

i know what you mean and i wish you two get back together.

i don't want to date either. lol

[scorpiogirl]

That is good tips for someone that wants to move on but I personally dont want to. I love this man very much even though I broke up with him. I was forced by his mom and my mom. No other guy can make me happy the way he does. He is my best friend, and when you really love someone u can't move on. I talked to one of his friends and he told me that my ex wants to be with me and the reason he pulled back was he did not want to get me involved in the situation. Their was so much confussion going on jacqueline and the other psychics was right. The two of us will be together when the time is right, and I know that.

I'm sorry but this is a really unhealthy attitude. If you really love yourself you will move on with your life. It doesn't mean you stop loving the person but you cannot sit around and wait and wait and wait. If you're not ready to date that's all good and well for you, but I don't think it's fair to do this on this thread where the OP is trying to move on.

4everhopeful I think it's great that you made steps toward dating again. I know it took me some time and it's not easy but you had a good start. You went out! :-)
Don't be so hard on yourself though. I've learned not to take things personally if someone wasn't feeling the date. We're just not a good match. He may or may not call you again, and if he doesn't that just means you have another opportunity to meet another guy who will knock your socks off.

[Inactive- PHN]

I am not sitting around and waiting for him I am doing my own thing when I want to and I know what I want more then anybody else does. However, I am not going to move on like I said I love this guy very much and I went on this date with the other guy and I was very unhappy, it is hard to explain. His friend told me to be patient that he has already had.a conversation with my ex and he is planning something for me but would not tell me what, other then u are going to love it I am so excited. He did say that my ex wants to be with me long term just trying to get his life in order which is fine with me I got plenty of time.

[4everhopeful]

I understand all of you that dont want to move on, I dont want to either in a way, but I have no choice as I havent heard from my ex in so long. Even though I do still love him. No one ever understands true love until you feel it. And I finally felt it but then it was taken away.
I also understand that not all dates are going to turn out well. But I dont get the opportunity to date several at a time. And the dating pool in my area is very limited as I live in a very small town. I am on a couple of dating sites and the majority of the men that email me there look so nasty or uncaring in the way they portray themselves. Or they are just too blatant about just wanting someone to sleep with. Im not going there.
As far as this guy I had dinner with,,,,,I am keeping an open mind as I know he is a very busy man, but at the same time, Im being realistic and basing my feelings on what has happened in the past. Very few men will leave a date early if they are interested at all. I really dont expect to hear from him again. I would have thought he would at least send a text saying he enjoyed meeting me and would call again sometime, but I didnt get any text at all from him.
Who knows? Maybe it just isnt time yet for me to meet someone that I really click with. Back to my usual routine of working and coming home. Guess I will use this time to repaint the bedrooms, lol.

[sunandmoon]

It is hard to move on for sure, especially when you've put so much time and energy (and money!) into someone. What I had with my ex was true love as well and it was him that pursued me and convinced me that we were right for each other and meant to be. And then him that left without a word. So how do you deal with that? It's been 18 very long painful months and the simple fact is, I haven't been happy for a long time. And it was this man that loved me more than life itself that made me unhappy and *I* allowed him to all this time.

I don't know the answers. No one here does. But I have always known that things will work out ok somehow and for some of us they are, because we are trying new things. Everyone moves at their own pace.

I was once in your shoes sweetiepie, where I felt that I would never care for anyone else because what we had was so real and pure. But guess what, now it's only what *I* have for him. I have not heard from him in almost 4 weeks (we've had limited contact all along), he's completely changed (drinking a lot and other personality changes) and is not the man I fell in love with. Sure, that man may be under there somewhere, but how long do I wait for him to pull his head out of his ass? I'm in my mid-40's and I have been pretty lonely, as full as my life is.

Simple fact is that he is not there for me and other people do want to be there for me and get to know me. It's time I stopped holding people at arms length and maybe smiled once in awhile - a real smile.