Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story

Letting go and moving on

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4everhopeful:
I just thought that even though many of us still harbor love for someone, its time to move on with our lives and I thought I would be the first to share.
I have been talking with a gentleman for the last week or so through text message. I met this man at a dating site and tonite we had our first phone conversation. We plan to have dinner tomorrow night and spend a little time together. I must say that I havent been so excited about meeting anyone in a very long time. We seem to have lots in common and the conversation flowed easily. We laughed and talked for about an hour. This gives me hope that I can move on and live my life without thinking of my ex with every waking moment
I did have a reading last night with Dylan from CP. He was a very nice man and his predictions are somewhat the same, saying my ex will be showing up at some point but he also said he hated to tell me that because he was afraid of me waiting around for it to happen and it may be a while as he sensed some sort of need to fulfill an obligation on my ex's part. That makes sense with his job. So I am going out tomorrow night and I feel that this is all a part of my predictions as I have been told several times that I would be with someone else and have a decision to make upon the ex returning.  I guess we will see. But I truly hope this works out with this new guy, he seems so nice and has a great attitude. Wish me luck guys and say a prayer for me.

sunandmoon:
4ever, I had to comment and apologies in advance if it seems like I am hijacking. I am in your boat. There is a guy at my job who seemed attracted to me and we talked on occasion, mostly when he worked on my car. But he always made an effort to say hi and would sometimes take a few minutes to chat with me. A few weeks ago I asked him for help with something he had mentioned he'd done in the past. He spent 14 hours with me that day and we talked more than worked. A week after that I sent him a text (after waiting for him to call/text me, but he didn't want to admit he had found my #) and we've been "together" since. We are continually amazed that it's only been 2 weeks because it feels like we've lived a lifetime in that span.

I feel a little guilty for "giving up" on my guy but truth be told he obviously doesn't want to be with me now. And here is this wonderful man who seems mesmerized by me and that simple thing makes me give him the same. We just enjoy hanging out and talking for hours on end.

I worry what will happen if my old guy finds out and I actually hope he doesn't for awhile. That is the hardest part for me. I told the new guy simply because a) I at first told him I wasn't in a good headspace for a r/s, and b) I discovered that one of our co-workers knows my old guys family and I was afraid the story of my past affair would get out to him and I'd rather he heard that from me before he was too attached rather than 6 months down the line hearing it from someone else. So he knows not only of my affair but that even through the summer I was still hoping to get back with this guy (to put a positive spin on it, it does show that I don't give up at the first sign of trouble). He is worried of course that if old guy comes back and says some magic words that I will dump him and try again but I doubt I will if he continues to treat me the way he has been. It will however be the most difficult conversation I will ever have if it comes down to that.

I feel I've tried really hard to be the best person I can and show my old guy that for 18 months and he talks to me less and less as time goes on. I needed to let go. I hate that it was a man who got me to do so though.

I am scared for sure for many reasons, letting someone else touch my heart, I see how much this guy does care for me and i worry about my own mental state, what happens when my old guy finds out...... But I have decided to take a chance and see where this goes because he makes me very happy and dammit I've missed being happy. It does take a lot of energy to love someone who could care less about you!

Best of luck tonight and be sure to keep us posted! It's a huge step for sure but one I doubt you'll regret.   8)

4everhopeful:
Hi Sunandmoon. I dont think youre hijacking at all and am happy to hear from you. I understand your fears and anxieties about dating someone new and the ex finding out but in a way its good. I think when these men see that we arent sitting around and being lonely and that other men do find us attractive, it makes us more attractive in the ex's eyes also. There is absolutely no reason for us to not go after some happiness. We could wait around forever for the predictions to manifest but there is no guarantee that they will. I sure dont want to look back and see the mistake I made in waiting.
True that someone may get hurt but that seems to be a part of life. And if we keep these new relationships in the right perspective, then maybe we can keep our thinking straight and not get ourselves all wound up and into another bad place.
And think of it this way, if your ex met someone to spend time with, do you think he would give your feelings a second thought? I think not, just the way my ex didnt. Well, I guess maybe he did as he lied about having anyone to spend time with after we broke up even though I knew he had started dating again. Just dont know to this day why he even cared that I would know.
At any rate, we have all done all that we can do and we showed the ex's just how much we cared but they turned their backs for some reason, or at least most of them did. I deserve happiness and someone to share my life with just like he does. And he has someone right now, even though as usual the psychics say it isnt serious, only a passtime for him and that he just doesnt want to be alone so far from home. Well, I dont want to be alone either. And I so hope this new man turns out to be as nice as he seems. I will keep you updated here. Keep good positive thoughts coming my way as I will be sending the same to you and everyone here. We are all going to be fine and find our happiness just as we deserve.
Feels good to be positive for a change and not so negative, lol. Lets keep it up.   ;D

sunandmoon:
I am being SOOOOO cautious but at the same time I am not holding back on holding hands and kissing and being affectionate in general. But I won't put a label on us (yet) and we rarely talk of the future. He's been great at not pushing me, and was like this even before he knew of my history. I am looking so hard for red flags but so far I don't see any. In many ways it's a healthier r/s than my last one.

My ex DID have a r/s over the winter that he hid from me. I can see now where he made odd comments that referred to her (ie he said he "hoped she could come" WRT an event we were both going to be at, in hindsight I realize it was HER he was referring to). He didn't hide the r/s in general from family and other friends but never told me about it. No idea why.

And every time I've talked to him this summer, he's mentioned another girl (who is married with kids). 3 weeks ago I stopped by to see him and he did it again. I had almost wanted to tell him "You know how I feel about you and I always will, but you need to know that I just can't wait forever as it's not healthy for me". I wanted to do this because I knew the new guy was getting closer. Well my ex was such an ass to me that day and he again mentioned this other girl and it was like a little switch flicked in me and I said f'it and thought  "You had a r/s without telling me and I am going to see where this goes. If it goes good, then maybe you'll have to wait and see if I am single in the future to try again".

I have been really lonely and have missed sharing my day and life with someone. And it sure feels good to have that again!

Everything happens for a reason.......  :)

optx88:
4ever:  I am so excited for you....how did the dinner go?

Sunandmoon:  don't worry about how your ex is going to react...you can't control that and he has had plenty of opportunities to step up and wisk you away...move forward and have fun...it is ok to be a little guarded...but have fun...and in time...what your ex will think and how he will react will not even be a thought on your mind.

I wish both you girls the best of luck...have fun and keep us posted :D

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