Hello and My Story...

[PheonixSoul]

Hello All...I am new to this site and I am not sure if it is a blessing or a curse to me so far.  To tell you my story and so far my success, or downfalls I should say.

In the beginning of this year in January I lost probably who I truly consider the girl of my dreams.  I loved everything about her and she had a wonderful heart.  I made a huge mistake and for the life of me still not sure why I did it but I did.  Her and I were only friends at the time (even though in the past we were in a relationship).  The mistake I did was that I went on a dating site to look for friends.  Outside of her, I had no friends.  I never told her about the fact I was on a dating site and regret it the most this day in my life.  She had found out and I lost her friendship. 

Came around April I was in a really downward spiral in my life.  Hit an extreme depression and even thoughts of suicide had came into my head.  I finally woke up one day and said enough was enough, I needed help...on top of that I also contacted her (the girl I lost) and told her my deepest depression.  She was not there to help and I pulled myself to go into therapy and I started to better myself.  My life turned around a lot for the most part.  I got out of this prison I felt I was in for the longest part of my life and felt free so to speak.  I did not have her but she was ALWAYS on my mind.  Always wondered would we get back, did I lose her for good, would we have another chance?

Mid-May I had my very first psychic reading.  It was a medium that was referred to me from a coworker and he picked up everything about me.  About my past, my present and told me bits about my future.  It was a surreal experience.  He had told me that I would have to choose between my old flame and a new one that will pop in my life and it would happen possibly soon.  Well I told him I wanted my ex and he mentioned it would be an extreme uphill battle.  She is extremely hurt and does not fully trust me.  He felt it was really better for me to move on and close the door, open new doors, and if she is ready she will come back if the universe allows it.  Great experience none the less.

I kept in contact with him every week by phone (he did not charge me) but I started to get anxiety.  He told me that I needed to calm down, my energy was low...and when I mentioned to him that she did tell me a few weeks ago she be a friend at best, he went off and told me well you already got your answer...which confused me greatly because I told him that in the VERY first time I got a reading from him...needless to say I was confused.  He told me to just go with what your heart tells you...go to sleep and REALLY think and ask your guides if she is the one for me, show me a sign or a vision.  I always go to sleep that night with her on my mind.

I ended up trying another store psychic, she told me that she loves me deeply but is not sure if I am being real with her...give her time but I need to focus on myself, my energy was too low and she also tried to sell me some stuff to boost my energy and happiness so to speak...that to me was a red flag and so I was done with that.  I also started to go on the online psychics.

I ended up going on both Psychic Source and Asknow.  I have a bad hearing loss so I ended up opting for the chat feature.  My first reading the woman told me to go see her in person, see her at work and tell her that you are sorry...I never did.  I felt that she was wrong and that would piss of my ex more than anything  (to barge into her work and talk about deep stuff, not good).

Had some other readings while I had those 1min per dollar feature...on both sites.  Got very similar readings.  Most if not all said she would come back to me, she just needed time and I have to be patient.  Some said as early as July, others said August...one predicted as late as October.  I had one reading with a guy name Michael Sky on Asknow.  I remember his reading the best because I went to him the most.  I have to admit the first time I spoke to him, I just said hello and he went off...didnt even ask a question and he already got everything down what was on my mind...shocked me and I was in awe.  Figured this guy MUST be true then right.

His first reading stated that she has a lot of fear in her and that I need to just give her space, she would be back in 6 weeks...he also felt how discomforting that felt and told me to give him a few days to meditate on it and check back with him.  He gave me some free minutes and I did.  He then told me that she is on the verge of reaching out to me but is afraid, I need to pull my energy out and just focus on myself...and that in 3 weeks time or so, she would be back.   So I went with his advice...followed it to the letter basically.  Checked with him in about 3 weeks and he tells me that she is still on that verge, that I need to reach out to her now, send her a letter and contact her.  I did that...then he tells me to pull back again and give her 3 weeks...I am going, ok this is crap and I feel like he is playing games with me and my situation...gave him benefit of the doubt.  Checked back and he goes, its going to be 3 weeks, you have not pulled your energy out, you are still thinking about her, until you do, she will not come to you.  I am going "WHAT??" If i move on, how she going to come to me...he says that she will, her angel spirit guides will miss the lost of my energy and pull her towards me again and that we were BOTH true soul mates.  I never could pull my energy.  I am now in Late July.

Got a reading with Narnia on PsychicSource.  She had a lot of reviews and all positive and figured what the heck, she has the better score than most on the chat feature.  Tried her out and she picked up situation VERY well.  I did not ask the normal, does she love me and we get back together.  I am now at the point of just moving on...and asked "Should I contact her, or just move on"...I honestly was ready for the bad news.  She told me that she is full of fear.  She is afraid and that she ask that I have patient right now.  So I said ok....she told me right now give her about 6 days and send her a personal letter.  Which I did.  Gave it a week, called her and asked my ex, hey, how are you, you get my letter.  Since May she never responded so you know...may have forgot to mention that.  So I am lost again, contacted Narnia, she said she remembers my energy but not the question.  Ask me to refresh the question...I did.  She tells me about the same thing, she is full of fear, she is keeping herself busy of sort as a defense mechanism and distraction from what she feels.  Narnia states that she got the letter and it opened her a little but give her another 6 days.  Narnia even admitted that it was strange but that is what it came out as.  She then told me that I should trust my instincts because they are good on when to contact her...this reading was about 2 weeks ago.

So last weekend comes around and I am in my normal slump...during the week I am fine...weekends I am depressed, wondering what is going on, what to do, and normally turn to a psychic.  For some stupid reason I decided to try out 2 psychics on live person.  Figure I try them out and not use a company base.  They both told me the same thing.  One told me that she will contact me in 6 days, she is afraid but she loves me deeply.  The other told me that we would contact one another in the 3rd quarter (July and September) and reconcile in the beginning of the 4th quarter (October).  She felt reconciliation was happening very soon because we are already more than half way in the 3rd quarter.  She mentioned to me that I should just give her light hearted messages so that way when she does contact me it wont feel weird but she will contact me soon.

Now it is Monday and start of the week...but having these anxieties about her.  I can not shake her out of my head.  I am not obsessed but yet I can not get her out of my head.  I try to remember what my first psychic tells me.  He told me to REALLY think hard and try to ask your spirit guides if she is the one for me and to show it in my dreams.  I never got those dreams of anything...so I was lost.  Last night I decided to try this one place out that I remember my therapist once mentioning to me about 3 months ago.  It was a local spiritual store that offered a special psychic reader daily.  So I went on the site and I read who was there today (Wednesday).  A medium and empath and a couple of other things I can not remember right now. 

I met this woman and I have to be honest, scared to death whats going to happen, is she going to play with me, be honest, pick me up GREATLY or what.  Had a 30 minute reading that went almost 50 minutes (only charged 30 thankfully).  My reading went great.  She picked me up wonderfully and told me things that were true about me.  She says that I am an extremely intelligent person and also a very intuitive person as well and that is why I am always so confused.  My feelings tell me one thing, but then my logic tells me another.  She got everything right about my recent past, and present state.  She even got the picture of me with my ex and that situation correct.   She told me though, flat out, she WAS a soul mate but I blew it.  I screwed up and she does not trust me at all and will not come back to me.  All the little things I done, letters, light hearted messages, etc..were nice but she does not believe them at all.  She told me that I have to let her go because there is another that is coming into my life VERY soon...if I do not, I lose that chance with the new girl that will push me as well.   It was VERY tough to stomach because I even told her, I love this girl, I cant bear to be without her and when I dream I feel I am RIGHT next to her.  She still told me that she REALLY felt she was not the right one for me, but there would be a SMALL, minor chance that maybe she will take me back but I would REALLY have to prove it to her.  What she meant was that I have to not date, see any girls, nothing...be a monk for as long as it takes to get her back because she is watching me basically...and even if I do all that, no guarantees she would take me back or give me that chance...she still felt she probably would not.  She then told me you have two choices...GO see her and talk to her, try to talk to her, if she will talk to you, then she will admit she still cares in some form...if she does not talk to you, ignore you, then you have your answer, it is over...she told me GO do this if you really feel she is the one.

Well I did tonight.  I went by her house to see if she was home, she was.  I sent her a message that I was outside and I like to talk (called her), no answer...sent a text in case she did not hear the voice mail...nothing.  Rang her door bell a couple of times, nothing...Sent a couple more text telling her I like to talk and it was very important...no answer from the phone calls or text.  Waited about 10 to 15 minutes maybe...nothing.  I tried to look around and noticed it was very dark at her house and maybe she was just not home and was out in someone else's car...who knows right.  Left and figure I try again Friday.  That will NEVER happen now.  I got a phone call from her tonight...my first reaction is, first response in 3 months??? Answered the call and it is not her.  It is not a friend either.  This is the police officer informing me that if I contact her, bother her, or anything in any way from now on...I would end up in jail for harassment!!!!  I am going what the hell???

I am first in a total state of shock...the police officer is telling me that I have been driving by her house all the time, NOPE, first time by her house.  Telling me I am calling her work to see if she is there...NEVER called her work.  Saying I have been calling her all the time.  I called her maybe 3 times in the past 3 months, texted her maybe 8 times in those 3 months...and wrote 2 letters...this is harassment???  I did not push it with him...I did tell him in MY defense that she NEVER, once told me, to leave her alone or back away.  She never told me not to contact me...I told him the truth and that I had a very important incident happen and needed to talk to her and so I drove by to see if she was home and she was...I was NOT stalking or trying to harass her.  That important incident was the death of a family member recently and I thought she like to know for one and hopefully maybe be there to help me a little...instead this is what I get??  I even asked the officer that is it ok if I send her just a formal apology in an email to say I am sorry for bothering you and upsetting you...he advised me not to because it will go in the case and she could forward that to me and I could get a warrant for my arrest???  WOW!!!

So this is my story regarding psychics.  As I stand right now on the online psychics...they are bunch of fairy storytellers.  They only want to tell you a happy ending to give you something to look forward to.  I went to them for guidance whether it was good or bad.  I still believe in psychics but as I stand now...I do not believe ANYTHING online and after having a reading with this one woman today, I believe her more than those morons online.   I probably spent around $1000 on these psychics online only to end up pushing this woman that I loved.  If I knew THIS was the consequence, I would have moved on back in May...I only held on because I believed she was the one but never thought it turn out like this.

Sorry for this HUGE wall of text but this is my story and I hope this site will be a blessing for me to gain some new friends and a shoulder to grab in life...cause as I stand I am pretty devastated in this turn of events and no idea what to do.

[Elaan]

Hi PheonixSoul,

Welcome.  Wow, what a story.  I am so sorry.  It sounds like you have gone through an emotional hurricane, but it is good that you have recognized your need and have a qualified therapist to help guide you to a better place.  I believe in psychics and have used some really good ones, but they are hard to find.  Somewhere in this forum you may find one in a post that will blow your mind as some of us have and perhaps a really good friend to lean on, as well.  It is always nice to have the knowledge of a psychic, but always, always go with your gut feeling about a reading.  From what I've seen on this site, there are many of us here that are extremely intuitive within ourselves, but we just do not trust our own intuition.  I wish you luck and a great new beginning as your name would suggest you believe is coming.

[vanyct]

Hi phoenix: let me start by saying wow!! You have gone through a lot! And thanks for sharing your story. If you can't tell by now from reading our posts, some of us are in the same boat as you, We feel like we've been mislead by these psychics who have played with our feeling just to make a dollar, at least thats how I feel anyway. However, knowing this, for some reason, I still want to hold on to that small glimer of hope that maybe in the end they will be right and I will get that fairy tale ending they keep feeding me.
I hope we can all help you get through this rough period.

[PheonixSoul]

Thank you for the response...and I appreciate the input about my Name.  After my whole ordeal back in April, I felt that I did in fact die back then.  But it was not a physical death, more like maybe I have been dead for so long and now I feel reborn.  Pheonix is the spiritual bird of rebirth and figured that fit perfect for me and my new beginning.  I even thought to get a pheonix tattooed on me to symbolize both my downfall in life but most importantly the rise of who I am now today, to remind myself what I went through and not to regress back there again.

In fact out of TOTAL curiosity, I thought I use the last of my minutes that I had on AskNow to talk the psychic Michael Sky who I had not talked to in over a month and a half.  He picked me up right away again and remembered everything even after that long of a period.  Still though, he told me that her and I are soulmates and that I am FINALLY getting the picture that I needed to MOVE ON from her, close my energy and she will feel that loss from me and will come back to me.   He kept saying that I was just putting way too much on her and overwhelming her with my energy, and now that I will move on, she will wake up and see that loss of me and come back.  ----if any interested, I'll post the chat convo.  At least he says to move on, even if I feel disgusted by the fact he is still playing the whole, she loves you and will reach out.

Do I still believe she is the one?  yes...am I going to hold out for her? NO...I got my answer, she does not want me right now, therefore I need to just go on with my life and focus on myself...who knows, maybe what the store psychic just told me today will come to pass and I meet this other girl who is suppose to be perfect for me.  Could my ex come back to me like this supposedly POWERFUL psychic who he claims to be, maybe.  But for now I am not holding my breath and waiting my life pass me by any longer...I feel I have fought TOO hard since April to succumb back there and I will not cower away again, I plan to stand tall and fight and focus on the NOW...make new friends, get out there in life, and enjoy it.  Course always easier said then done

[LiveLaughLove]

Thanks for sharing your story Pheonix. I know how you feel when you say you felt like you had died. I too became depressed and to the point where I felt suicidal...I had a mini plan together and everything but everytime I was planning on doing it;something would happen to deter it. It was weird but I guess a good thing. I've been feeling better lately and haven't had those feelings for about 3 weeks even after my ex told me he "moved on". (I put that in quotes because I'm not 100% I believe him)...I've laid low on the psychics from CP and 100% from Keen. All of Keen advisors are fake to me. I was told from Feb- Aug that he'd contact me. It was each month he'd contact me...it was insane that I kept dealing with those people. I saw most recommendations for ppl on CP and that's why I called them. All my predictions are not until Sept/Oct time and even one person said contact during holidays and just focus on letting him go as the guy I knew and imagine him as the new man he will be from our time apart but no relationship between us until beg. of year probably fully in swing Feb/March time.

Like we all say "we'll see...". I just wish one of my predictions would come to pass to give me some hope. Anyway, again, thanks for sharing your story and welcome!! Hope you find good advice and new friends!!

[4everhopeful]

Wow Cosmo11, Five and a half years before your ex came back wanting you? Amazing. I guess they really can come back after so long. But true that it isnt worth waiting around or obsessing about it. It sure wastes a lot of our valuable time.
And welcome to PhoenixSoul.

[sunandmoon]

Wecome PS! My problem is actually letting go. I can set the intention and believe. I think I may have had a harder time letting go because he lives nearby and is often in contact with me. I take everything a "sign" that he's interested. At the moment I'm pissed enough at him I may be able to get over that lol

[LiveLaughLove]

OMG Cosmo! that's great!

What are the steps you take for that. Ive been letting go recently and hope it helps but I want to know your steps to see if I'm missing anything or should add something to my letting go process.

[lightme]

yeah, I had to wait 6 years! haha. And if I wouldn't have let go, I don't think he would have came back. After so many disappointments you just see that they aren't worth it. You get your power back by seeing you deserve better. I just have surrendered myself to the flow of the Universe. I do still call psychics because I'm curious, but I don't take everything they say as truth. When you want something desperately you are giving off a negative vibe..you are saying that you don't trust the universe..and then what you want won't manifest. It's just like when you place an order for something...you know it's coming..so you don't think about it, and you're relaxed because you know it will come and you move on with your life. I'm so dead serious, if you all let go of your ex's you'll see that they'll come back fast compared to if you keep holding on.

http://www.chopra.com/laws/detachment
http://www.mindreality.com/law-of-detachment-flowing-with-god

I hope this helps...like I said..I've been able to manifest anything I want by not caring about it. lol It sounds so weird but it's true.

absolutely agree. we do our best and then we just step back, and try our best focus on other areas of our life. it will be painful at the beginning, but i think it will get better. learning to let go is the only way for us to feel better over time. just like instead of holding onto hate which will only make us feel angry and not constructive, we learn to forgive and let go. so instead of pinning for our SM, we learn to trust that if it is meant to be, if it is true love the universe will make it happen. if it doesn't, it is not true love, if it is not true love, why are we still chasing it? let it go.

[vanyct]

Thank you for sharing these links and I know that detachment works. The problem I have is it's hard to detach myself knowing in the back in my mind that I am doing this because in the end I want him back, so I guess I subconciously I know that I am not really detaching myself. 
I know that detachment works because I did it, and he came back, but he did it just enough to suck me back in and then we're back to the stupid guessing games again.  And as I am writting this I know that I should just move on, because why do I want to be with someone who plays with me like that? But that's my problem, that I don't care I just want to be with him.

[lightme]

that's beautiful, lightme!

thanks! and thanks for your links!

[PheonixSoul]

Thank you all for the welcome and listening to my story.  After what happened the other night with my ordeal trying to be real and not cower behind little text messages and phone call, and instead try to talk to her face to face, to actually talk.  I went in thinking you know...if all these psychics are telling me that she deeply loves me she would have at least talk to me, in some form right...3 months of no communication does not make any sense no matter how scared they are.  Maybe they picked up on some DEEP emotional level she cannot feel yet.  I may never know and I honestly do not want to know anymore.  After last night I got my answer.

I do agree with what you say Cosmo about readings and if you go into something DESPERATELY wanting something to happen you give off a vibe.  I probably did go into my first reading desperately wanting to hear that she was the one for me and that persuaded him to believe it too.  Even after two months I really was on the next step of just moving on and saying screw it, this is not worth it.  But I went to the online psychics and they encouraged me to keep holding on and fighting, she come back.  I took their word and believed.  I thought it must be true, I can not shake her out of my head.

It honestly was not until I came across this site that I really really started to doubt the online psychics.  Sure I read those ripoff reports online and figured, probably just a disgruntled customer.  I even thought...ok, they probably have 1000 people or more get readings a day, there is bound to be ONE if not around 2% or more that may get an incorrect reading.  When I found this site and started reading and reading everything people had to say.  Even mentioned some of what they said to other members (your lover will come back to you so in so time frame) with VERY similar predictions...figured, ok now something is not right.  I decided I needed to talk to someone in person, I needed to SEE their eyes, no more misleading over the phone or chat window.

When I saw this woman the other day, I really went into it scared.  I was open, but scared what she was going to tell me.  Is she going to give me ANOTHER fairy tale, is she going to tell me to move on.  I am really honestly glad I met her.  I could see in her eyes she GENUINELY cared.  She was a very nice lady.  I said nothing to her...I introduced myself and I had questions ready but did not ask, I let her read me and just went with it.

She picked up my personality perfectly.  I was shocked.  She even picked up who I was.  Even used the words I used, that person DIED back then.  She even said to me "I do not see that person you were back then, I see you AWAKENED, you are your true self now, VERY strong person".  I was shocked because that is how I do feel.  She even picked up my confusing nature on what to do in life.  She says because I am a Pisces and also close to Aquarius sign, that I am VERY VERY intuitive as well as very intelligent.   She says that I live up there, in the sky because I am intuitive, I can feel energy around me, I know those positive and negative energies when you walk into a room.  I thought wow, I do think she is right about that.  She then tells me because I am so intelligent and intuitive, when I come down to this plane so to speak, they butt heads.  I have my logic and my intuition fighting to say what is right.

When it came to my ex, she told me it was my logic and ego telling me to fight, not my intuition.  Looking back on it, I think she was right...I got confused (as usual  ) and took it that I was following my heart.   When it came to love, she told me, you been hurt...you still love someone dont you...I said yes.  She said, "move on...she is hurt and you hurt her, she does not want to be with you but she still cares for you, but not in that way anymore...move on."  In my nature I fought a little, I asked her, are you sure, you are definite, she says "I feel she is NOT the one, there is a better one out there, very beautiful, someone you are about to meet but the universe cannot show her to you until you let this one go."

I was reluctant  asked her no way it work...she says, "MAYBE...but only if you truly want to give up EVERYTHING for her, no dating, no girls, nothing, live like a monk...no facebook, nothing...literally live like a monk.  She is watching you because you scorned her and she doesnt truly believe you...it may take MONTHS or even worst, may never happen."  She convinced me to go see her...get an answer, do not wait.  She says, if you truly truly believe she is the one, go see her, no excuses, no text, phone, email, letter, SEE HER.  Go by her house, ask to talk to her, and if she talks, it means she cares, even if it was a bad conversation.  If she does not talk to you, you got your answer and you should move on.  She was right.  Regardless of the situation, I am glad I followed HER advice over those psychics online who just continue to drag my life along instead of letting me move forward in the natural healing process.

I plan to have a reading with her again, maybe next week if possible or the week after...I want to get more insight on what she feels may come into my life. 

I will definitely look into your sites you posted Cosmo about detachment.  Maybe Michael Sky is right, she come back once I completely get her out of my mind and she is gone...maybe she may never.  But I know one thing, I am not waiting anymore.  If my life was like a movie, I kept my life in pause too long and now I need to let it play out and just go with it and see where  the next scene leads me, not knowing what will happen (well maybe get a spoiler from a psychic here and there   but wont hold my breath on it).  Now I just have to go one day at a time to break her out of my head completely, and I will.  And make new friends in the process...really hate my shy nature

[sunandmoon]

That is amazing! Your bday must be near mine. I had a psychic tell me the other day as well that I am confused to my heart and mind, that when I think I am following my heart I am not. My heart always wants to protect me and give to me. When I think my mind says to let go and my heart says to continue, I am not getting the difference between heart and intuition. This was quite a shock after 18 months of this crap!

Before I called any psychics last year, I did see one locally. She was such a sweetheart but of course I didn't see her again because she told me as I sat there with tears running down my face (this being 6 weeks after he walked away) "honey, he's not that one". And I never believed her. Now I wonder if maybe she was right all along. I need to find my notes from that day.

[PheonixSoul]

You know through everything that I have been through, I would first think (based on my experience) that Psychics do not exist, they cannot predict anything.  Yet when I look truly back on it...I really do feel and believe they exist.  You just really have to find them, and connect with them.  There are those that truly want to help people and do not care about money or fame or anything.  The first psychic I met was like that.  He told me he charges $30 for a 30 minute reading and if it goes longer, he will not charge for more...just a flat $30 and I could contact him anytime.  My reading with him was almost 2 hours long.  Granted I think I spent almost half the time understanding his abilities and who he sees and him describing my Spirit guide.  He was telling me that I have ONE main spirit guide and he is basically my brother.  He even gave him a name (Ralph or Rafael...can not remember).  This guide was always with me throughout my journey.  He also told me that there are always NUMEROUS guides that pop up to see how I am doing, guide me as well and help me.  He even shocked me in describing my first dog I had when I was a child...even his species and color, and told me that he was next to me at the time, as a guide now.  I should have believed him more later when he said he felt that she was no longer the one and I should move on, but my ego took over and I did not.  Instead I took the words of the online/phone psychics thinking, well they do it professionally, they must be better right?

Well I feel that may not always be the case.  I think in order to really have a true connection with anyone and to feel their energy, pathways, etc...you have to care for that person.  Be truly honest in what you feel, what you hear.  That is something I learned and saw when I met this new psychic.  She looked like she had a passion to help.   I think those on TV, online, telephone services, Webcams (whatever they may be) are usually now in it for the money and/or fame.  Because they are in that, their gift (whether true or very powerful) is probably tainted and not as strong as before, they probably slowly become blind.  Yet that is my belief nowadays and from my experience anyways lol...I am probably rambling since it is late