The art of letting go

[doubleoh8]

I wanted to start a new thread inspired by some comments posted under another discussion today. The comments were:

Quote from: HornetKick on August 18, 2018, 03:11:27 PM
Quote from: Kristinajt on August 18, 2018, 02:17:29 PM
I guess another person said readers had said to let go and they don’t come back.

I guess I just don’t understand how me being quiet and doing my own thing will make him come back.
Because the energy of you wanting something so badly is the same energy that is strong enough to push it away...or so I've been told.

Quote from: Still Tired on August 18, 2018
Basically what Hornet Kick said. And it's wanting to "make him come back" that pushes away, because when you feel that way about it, you're using your will. That energy comes from the solar plexus and when the other person feels it, they may feel like they are being manipulated. And with some people, that will push them away because they don't like that feeling. Someone else, they might come back around but start to engage in a battle of wills with you to assert their will over yours. When you come from the heart and have genuine acceptance for whatever someone chooses to do, it softens the energy and the other person may feel more drawn to you because of it.

I know it is often easier said, than done.

*******

I think this is absolutely true and had a powerful experience with it the other day. Specifically, I had a bonafide 'let go' moment related to a person I have pined for... and called about... for the past couple of years.

I couldn't agree more with the statement 'easier said than done,' and I think there is some misunderstanding about what letting go really is. You can be moving on with your life, dating other people, not even wanting the person in question back... but not in the energetic let-go space as described by tired. Sometimes I even think the holding on can be mostly on an unconscious level, and people think they have let go but they really haven't. If you are wanting someone back, letting go to get them back, dating to get them back or just distract yourself, or even angry at the person and trying to push them away energetically ... you haven't really let go. This is my opinion, anyway.

The let-go moment I had was a giant shift that only lasted about 2 days, sadly. A few things happened that made me suddenly feel super compassionate and empathetic to my POI's own perspective and situation. I realised on a deep level that it was unfair of me to ask him for something that he is not prepared to give (emotionally and otherwise). I also suddenly saw that I may not be the best choice for him and felt like he should have what he needs. There was just this releasing of the attachment to it and a feeling of warmth and love and acceptance. I think part of that came from having a different man visit me -- a friend/ acquaintance who wants more but I don't. He really pushes my boundaries consistently and it showed me how awful it is to be on the receiving end of that kind of attention and energy. And there were other things...

Anyway, when I let go I felt this crazy energy come back at me from my POI. It was awesome. It was really warm and loving too and I could tell that he wanted to connect with me. He didn't... but I got this powerful sign (a bit woo woo, but hey, we're on a psychic review site). It was so powerful that I slipped back into the familiar feeling of attachment, unfortunately, and I haven't been able to truly let go again.

So -- sorry for the long lead up, but I wanted to mostly start a conversation about letting go and see if anyone has any tips on how to effectively do this? I certainly could use them!

[njlady]

Read The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.  It will teach you how not to be a slave to every thought that comes into your head and to just observe.  That in and of itself is very freeing.  People who have trouble  meditating can really benefit from this book also.  Actually, everyone could.

Turn your attention to yourself instead of the other person.  I work out every day, take classes, pray and meditate, be of service, have experiences and adventures ... because whether or not  I end up with a happily ever after with someone else, I am 100% for sure ending up with MY butt and abs, my mind, my soul, my conscience, my memories, my regrets, etc.  Knowing that you are doing the best you can with what you have builds your confidence and draws others to you. 

 

[flora0250]

Read The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.  It will teach you how not to be a slave to every thought that comes into your head and to just observe.  That in and of itself is very freeing.  People who have trouble  meditating can really benefit from this book also.  Actually, everyone could.

Turn your attention to yourself instead of the other person.  I work out every day, take classes, pray and meditate, be of service, have experiences and adventures ... because whether or not  I end up with a happily ever after with someone else, I am 100% for sure ending up with MY butt and abs, my mind, my soul, my conscience, my memories, my regrets, etc.  Knowing that you are doing the best you can with what you have builds your confidence and draws others to you.

Ahhh! Thank you for this thread and yes love that book the Untethered Soul. So good. Learning to experience emotions but not let them define you. That was the big take away I got. And I am having many let it be moments myself. I am also letting go. But I feel like I always like the phrase let it be more because it is acceptance of your own emotions vs sometimes letting go can sound - like forced. Like an admonition or something. I think people need to let go when they are ready and able to. And let be in the mean time.

Anyway great thread and great idea for a topic of discussion. I am so so happy I am finally learning to let go but know that it doesn’t mean I love this man any less or that things will or won’t happen a certain way. It’s just literally giving him the gift of space and choice and knowing I have to mean that in earnest. But it really is a gift. Even if he doesn’t know it. Only good things can come from that on both ends. And it doesn’t mean I can’t still experience the grief etc. But it’s different than wanting things my way.

Love to all on this lesson.

[njlady]

I’m so glad you started this.

I’m feeling worried because my silence may lead him to just disappear into the abyss. However , I know if I reach out, I’ll wonder if he really wants to talk to me .

He was so great at reaching out to start , but then the texts got further lengths of time between them. Now it’s been two weeks , I’m refusing to reach out because of reasons above , but also because he told me that he would let me know at the end of this month when he’s free. I don’t believe he’s going to , to be honest. He always used to ask how I am, etc, now if I get a message it’s a rant about how crappy his life is. 

So now I’m like , you know what ? Forget it. He’s obviously not ready to see me , so why should
I force it? It hurts , but I think that if he really wanted to see me , he would have .

So now I’m focusing on myself . Doing things for me, just being happy.

But I still have that worry that if I silent. He will continue to be. Tough life lol

Kristina,

He thinks you're his personal Complaint Desk and is going to "let (you) know at the end of the month when he's free"  That's code for I'm keeping the door open in case something better doesn't come along.  Don't let yourself get used.  Block and walk. 

 

[alphabetsoup]

Agnes Vivarelli on YouTube.  Her videos about surrender.  I'm doing them now and it's not working as quickly as I would like this is not a very easy thing to do.  I've been practising surrender in areas of my life where it's a little easier, that seems to be helpful.

I understand what you mean Double, by being pulled back in, the same thing will happen to me.  I'll be doing good, then all of a sudden there's a sign and I'm all "let me hitch my wagon to his star" again.

[njlady]

It’s more complicated than that I’m afraid.

He’s not dating and will not be dating anyone else . He’s busy traveling for work , but one work trip didn’t happen and I’m suprised he didn’t text me to tell me so.

I’m so glad you started this.

I’m feeling worried because my silence may lead him to just disappear into the abyss. However , I know if I reach out, I’ll wonder if he really wants to talk to me .

He was so great at reaching out to start , but then the texts got further lengths of time between them. Now it’s been two weeks , I’m refusing to reach out because of reasons above , but also because he told me that he would let me know at the end of this month when he’s free. I don’t believe he’s going to , to be honest. He always used to ask how I am, etc, now if I get a message it’s a rant about how crappy his life is. 

So now I’m like , you know what ? Forget it. He’s obviously not ready to see me , so why should
I force it? It hurts , but I think that if he really wanted to see me , he would have .

So now I’m focusing on myself . Doing things for me, just being happy.

But I still have that worry that if I silent. He will continue to be. Tough life lol

Kristina,

He thinks you're his personal Complaint Desk and is going to "let (you) know at the end of the month when he's free"  That's code for I'm keeping the door open in case something better doesn't come along.  Don't let yourself get used.  Block and walk. 

 

Kristina,

You don't know what he is doing 24/7.  Not putting yourself on equal ground, being a doormat, letting him not have to give you anything to keep you sitting around is not doing yourself any favors.  He's already tested you and knows you will put up with crumbs from him.  He doesn't have to pay attention to you, be respectful to you, let you know his plans or intentions, make plans in advance with you ... nothing.  Block and walk.   

[diamondcanadian]

You’re not wrong.

It’s more complicated than that I’m afraid.

He’s not dating and will not be dating anyone else . He’s busy traveling for work , but one work trip didn’t happen and I’m suprised he didn’t text me to tell me so.

I’m so glad you started this.

I’m feeling worried because my silence may lead him to just disappear into the abyss. However , I know if I reach out, I’ll wonder if he really wants to talk to me .

He was so great at reaching out to start , but then the texts got further lengths of time between them. Now it’s been two weeks , I’m refusing to reach out because of reasons above , but also because he told me that he would let me know at the end of this month when he’s free. I don’t believe he’s going to , to be honest. He always used to ask how I am, etc, now if I get a message it’s a rant about how crappy his life is. 

So now I’m like , you know what ? Forget it. He’s obviously not ready to see me , so why should
I force it? It hurts , but I think that if he really wanted to see me , he would have .

So now I’m focusing on myself . Doing things for me, just being happy.

But I still have that worry that if I silent. He will continue to be. Tough life lol

Kristina,

He thinks you're his personal Complaint Desk and is going to "let (you) know at the end of the month when he's free"  That's code for I'm keeping the door open in case something better doesn't come along.  Don't let yourself get used.  Block and walk. 

 

Kristina,

You don't know what he is doing 24/7.  Not putting yourself on equal ground, being a doormat, letting him not have to give you anything to keep you sitting around is not doing yourself any favors.  He's already tested you and knows you will put up with crumbs from him.  He doesn't have to pay attention to you, be respectful to you, let you know his plans or intentions, make plans in advance with you ... nothing.  Block and walk.   

[Spaceship29]

Law of attraction.

What you focus on becomes bigger in your life. So if you focus on this person not being in your life the energy you put into that continues. You attract more lack of their presence in your life. The saying goes what you resist persists meaning if you are not accepting of the fact this person is not in your life at the moment it will continue to be. The sooner you’re able to accept what is. You’ll be relieved. Let go.

Doesn’t necessarily mean give up but just free yourself from these thoughts. Move on = distract  and Be ok with the fact that there is a possibility this person will not return. - that’s the hard part for many.

But also be open that they can come back.

Basically don’t be attached to any specific outcome. You’ll be ok in either instance.

It’s funny because this does happen when I’m not consciously focused on letting go. Basically let go of the idea of letting go lol

As time passed my focus went else where and eventually the poi will have come back. Times in the past for me have been I’ve moved on like completely and don’t really care about their existence. I’ll entertain them to see how their life has been but as far as romantically I’m over it. But it took a while to get there.

[doubleoh8]

Hi and thanks to everyone who's chiming in on the thread.

I get that it's a law of attraction issue, and I get that to focus on the absence of something (or someone) only makes that absence grow... For me the struggle is in controlling my thoughts and feelings around it. I am waking up daily with a feeling of heartache these days, for example, and it takes me a little bit to reset.

That said, good advice from several people. I really like your watching a cake bake analogy on the other thread @spaceship, and @njlady you are right on with the working out, meditation / prayer and adventures. My butt and abs could really use some attention:)

One thought too for you @Kristina: For me a lot of letting go is really shifting your perspective -- or reframing your focus -- so that YOU are the main character in your story. Then if the other person is not showing up, it's just a sign that they are a bit player and not that important to your story right now. From that vantage point, you also can stop taking what they do so personally and detach from it. In your situation as described, for example, the guy is complaining about how crappy his life is. Maybe it really is crappy. And maybe consider that, if you detach a bit, his lack of communication really is a reflection of his crappy life AND you don't want to get yourself wrapped up with someone whose life is crappy. They have little to give and will just bring you down. Again, I know this is easier said than done, but I think once you focus on you and your life, the people who are not adding value to it are so much less important.

[calibabe]

I love this thread so much.  It is all about surrendering, and most importantly everything njlady touched on.  Being the best version of yourself.  You can't control other people but you CAN control yourself...  How you view yourself, how much value you give yourself and realizing that YOU are the prize.  YOU choose if you want the man not the other way around.  I am so focused on bettering myself; exercising regularly which helps my confidence, going out with friends and adventures, excelling in my career, volunteering in my free time.  It all about how you feel and your emotions.  As Abraham Hicks says, you have to feel it before it manifests.  Fall in love with yourself first, once you do that how could everyone else not fall in love with you?

I am a big fan of Agnes Vivarelli as well and the untethered soul is on my list of books to read.  I would like to recommend creative visualization which is a great book on manifesting your desires.  Its a great read and so so many things have been manifesting for me now that I know how to use it. 

I wish you all luck on your journey but this is really where it all starts!  Much love!  XO

[Spaceship29]

Hi and thanks to everyone who's chiming in on the thread.

I get that it's a law of attraction issue, and I get that to focus on the absence of something (or someone) only makes that absence grow... For me the struggle is in controlling my thoughts and feelings around it. I am waking up daily with a feeling of heartache these days, for example, and it takes me a little bit to reset.

That said, good advice from several people. I really like your watching a cake bake analogy on the other thread @spaceship, and @njlady you are right on with the working out, meditation / prayer and adventures. My butt and abs could really use some attention:)

One thought too for you @Kristina: For me a lot of letting go is really shifting your perspective -- or reframing your focus -- so that YOU are the main character in your story. Then if the other person is not showing up, it's just a sign that they are a bit player and not that important to your story right now. From that vantage point, you also can stop taking what they do so personally and detach from it. In your situation as described, for example, the guy is complaining about how crappy his life is. Maybe it really is crappy. And maybe consider that, if you detach a bit, his lack of communication really is a reflection of his crappy life AND you don't want to get yourself wrapped up with someone whose life is crappy. They have little to give and will just bring you down. Again, I know this is easier said than done, but I think once you focus on you and your life, the people who are not adding value to it are so much less important.

I was watching a youtube video and when they said

"Sometimes you're just an extra in someone's move called life"

sent chills

because I honestly felt that way about a being before. Like anytime we got together It was always at some turning point in their lives and I don't feel like they added nor really subtracted. I don't think i really picked up anything from them per say.

but yeah. sometimes in your or another person's life you're just a support cast. Their leading lover will come along later.


but yes. letting go is very hard. I have the knowledge but actually practicing it, can be difficult.

I tell myself everyday

"if you knew with certainty what you envisioned was going to happen, regardless of what happens in your life, would you still worry?"

[sawthelight]

Thanks !

I really have been trying now to focus on me .

I’ve been telling myself that oh well, I’ll let it go, he’ll come back. But now looking at it and thinking about it, I can’t be positive that he will. And if he doesn’t, it’s okay. He’s not the right person for me then.

It’s hard , because I was sure he was , but I’m pretty sure I can find someone greater who treats me with the respect I deserve


Don’t settle xo

Hi and thanks to everyone who's chiming in on the thread.

I get that it's a law of attraction issue, and I get that to focus on the absence of something (or someone) only makes that absence grow... For me the struggle is in controlling my thoughts and feelings around it. I am waking up daily with a feeling of heartache these days, for example, and it takes me a little bit to reset.

That said, good advice from several people. I really like your watching a cake bake analogy on the other thread @spaceship, and @njlady you are right on with the working out, meditation / prayer and adventures. My butt and abs could really use some attention:)

One thought too for you @Kristina: For me a lot of letting go is really shifting your perspective -- or reframing your focus -- so that YOU are the main character in your story. Then if the other person is not showing up, it's just a sign that they are a bit player and not that important to your story right now. From that vantage point, you also can stop taking what they do so personally and detach from it. In your situation as described, for example, the guy is complaining about how crappy his life is. Maybe it really is crappy. And maybe consider that, if you detach a bit, his lack of communication really is a reflection of his crappy life AND you don't want to get yourself wrapped up with someone whose life is crappy. They have little to give and will just bring you down. Again, I know this is easier said than done, but I think once you focus on you and your life, the people who are not adding value to it are so much less important.

This is so key.  A person who is meant to be in your life, will be...there really is a reason for everything.  Trust that if they aren't in your life, even if it's just for the time being, that's what is best for you.

It's a really hard realization to make.  I know with my past POI, I still have trouble accepting that I wasted so much time and emotions and MONEY (lol) on him, and I hope one day I know why it happened.  But I DO know that it's for the best, so whatever reason he's not in my life, is for my own better good.

[karma17]

I follow Agnes and through her channel I came across Dan RadioStyle (she did a couple of videos with him). His explanations on LOA are so so good and he uses small everyday examples which, for me, simplified understanding the process..it’s like “LOA For Dummies”
Here he talks about the importance of Letting Go- https://youtu.be/qcP1tsclE6U
No new info and pretty much talked about in most LOA videos but he explains it well...

[sawthelight]

This is so key.  A person who is meant to be in your life, will be...there really is a reason for everything.  Trust that if they aren't in your life, even if it's just for the time being, that's what is best for you.

It's a really hard realization to make.  I know with my past POI, I still have trouble accepting that I wasted so much time and emotions and MONEY (lol) on him, and I hope one day I know why it happened.  But I DO know that it's for the best, so whatever reason he's not in my life, is for my own better good.

I agree and same for me. I struggle with accepting that this took so many years out of my life, so much money and took such a toll on me emotionally. I know I learned a lot from it but still, I wish it hadn't happened this way.

Anyway I wasn't really able to let go until I realized my ex and I were not remotely compatible. We think and see the world in such totally different ways there was no way we would ever be able to get along. And if we had ended up together it would have been really bad for me.

I realize now I was having a spiritual and ideological crisis all those years, and I couldn't think my way out of this emotional dilemma because my own reasoning was all mixed up with conflicting ideas. And my ex represented all the ideas and beliefs I needed to let go of. I just couldn't see it until certain things happened that made it clear. The timing absolutely sucked, unfortunately, that it took so many years for the whole sequence of events to play out.

I so hear you, Tired.  That's the hardest part for me too..took so much time away from me.  Of course, I let it happen too, but I was so connected to this guy for whatever reason.  I try not to be so hard on myself about it, but it's something I find myself getting really down about a lot.  I also think it would not have worked out with my past POI even though I had blinders on at the time about who he really was and how wrong what he was with a lot of the things he did to me, in reality, I don't think I would have been able to get past that.  But between the readings painting this rosy picture of the two of us and our happily ever after and my weird connection to him, it was extremely hard to realize it would never happen.